Scarecrow to Pupa??

Several people have asked me to describe what has happened/is happening to me.

My initial symptoms were a bit different from what I've had in the last couple of months. I think the treatments I got early on changed things. Maybe they helped in ways I didn't fully appreciate because I was still having issues?

Some days I'm the Scarecrow.... It feels like there's nothing but straw up there. I'm scattered and distracted*. I can't fully understand words (especially written words). Well...it takes me A LOT more effort to understand. I might have to read a simple FaceBook post 5 times to get what it's saying. I have a VERY hard time thinking and an even harder time expressing thought. It's not really that I don't know how to say what I'm thinking...it's that words just aren't there. Sometimes it's that I have a word that I just can't come up with. (I want to say "I'm going to open the door" but "I'm going to open the fruitcake...the franderbobber...the nutshell..." is what comes to mind (or comes out of my mouth).

There are times when I'm either overly emotional** or have a lack of emotion or inappropriate/incongruent emotions.

Up until recently I had a headache EVERY SINGLE DAY. It wasn't all the time, and it wasn't completely debilitating. It wasn't like that early on. I know that because the first neurologist I went to was a headache only doctor. I remember telling her I wasn't having headaches. I don't exactly know when they started, but at some point I started paying attention and saw that I was having them every day. I realized yesterday I have not had a headache for several days!!! Sometimes you don't notice when something familiar is missing until it's been gone a little while. Now I did wake up with a headache this morning, but it didn't last.

I'm VERY weak and have no endurance. I get tired quickly. However, I was having to nap quite a bit and I don't think I've had a nap all week long!!! I'm certainly not able to run but I have been able to walk/run and I have taught Spin class the last two Mondays.

I have gained about 15 pounds. That could be from the steroids, but I think the biggest reason was how I was eating the whole month of June!! However, that could be a slight side effect from the steroids. I don't fully understand it but one way steroid use impacts the body is that it prevents glucose from entering cells. You end up with higher blood sugar, but the cells aren't getting their preferred energy source. This can lead to an increased craving for sweets/carbs. ((Anyone in the medical field who is reading can feel free to set any errors straight...I don't have a grasp on it and it's not something I've spent ANY time trying to understand!!)) Combine these cravings with added stress of my grandfather's illness and the sudden loss of my grandmother...combined with the stress of illness in general...combined with all the traveling I've done in the last two months...on TOP of NOT working out several hours a week?? It's a wonder I've ONLY gained 15!!

I do think the steroids are working (to lessen inflammation and to suppress the attack of the antibodies), but they aren't working as fast (or as completely) as I had hoped they would. In the past I've said "I can't always control my circumstances but I can control what thoughts I allow in my head." I'm finding that's not always the case. Some days I have an incessant replay of one tiny song snippet (for days at a time, NONSTOP, even in my dreams), some days it's COMPLETELY blank up there and I can't produce thoughts, much less words, without tremendous effort. But, as I've been writing this, I've realized that it IS getting better each week.

I am FIVE weeks into a 48 week treatment plan. To be able to say I'm getting better is REALLY GOOD. To say I'm not 100% stands to reason. I shouldn't be 100%...

I'm not the scarecrow...I'm a butterfly...well, not quite. I'm still in the process....

I think I'm the pupa, but maybe my colors are starting to show a little bit!

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!!

* to be clear...I'm ALWAYS a bit scattered and distracted, but this has been taken to an entirely new level! **to be clear...I've ALWAYS been "overly emotional" but they usually are just "fully felt" not wildly unrelated to what's going on around me!! :D

Looking Back to See What I've Learned

How about a post about running on my running blog?!

Monday is the infamous Cotton Row Run 10K. It will be my SEVENTH time to participate in this race. It is a thorn in my side. But we learn from our thorns.

Take a stroll down memory lane with me.

Year one, 2010. I had started "running" in January that year. Well...I started walking every other day for 30 minutes, and worked my way up. In less than SIX months I finished a 10K!! Looking back, that is freaking AMAZING!! At the time I wasn't thrilled. I had gotten injured because I wasn't a runner and ramped up my time/distance way too fast. I thought I might have a stress fracture and had an MRI like the week before this race. And yet, I still ran it. I finished in ...it doesn't even matter what my time was, I FINISHED a 10K and I hadn't even been running for six months! I learned to persevere through difficulty. (There were many other lessons that I didn't learn...)

Year two, 2011. I had been running for about 18 months. I had started swimming and riding a bike and had completed two triathlons by that point. I was feeling pretty good about where I was physically. My goal was to break an hour but ultimately I wanted to run my own race and do my best. I went BARELY over an hour but I finished that race feeling good about how I had run. Ironically a friend was at the finish line and caught the EXACT moment in time I realized I missed my goal by 24 seconds... I was disappointed about not making my goal, but I didn't dwell on it in the moment. I had raced the nag in my head and I had won. Well...until a few days after the race when that nag caught up to me... That year I learned you can run from that which chases you, but you can't run from that which is inside of you! (I'm still learning that one.)

Year three, 2012. I went into the race secretly hoping I would finally break an hour. I didn't train for that goal. I didn't have a plan to meet that goal. I just had a secret expectation. One that didn't match, or meet, reality. I did have a plan on how I would run the race (keeping my heart rate below 170). I ran that plan and got the result that matched the reality of what that plan would bring. But when I didn't reach my secret goal, I was disappointed. I realized if I was going to have any hope of breaking an hour I better train and I better have a plan. I threw down the gauntlet. I said 2013 would be my year to break an hour. Period. End of story. This was the year I learned about setting goals and managing my expectations to match reality.

Year four, 2013.  I had set the goal in 2012 saying "Next year I will have a plan for how I want to RACE this event!  I know the course, I know how I run it.  I will prepare and I will blow my time out of the water.  Mark my words." I went into this fourth year with a plan on how I would run the race. I had trained (some, although not as much as I had wanted because my shoulder had been injured since the previous fall). I had my goal FIRMLY in mind. And...I did it! I FINALLY broke an hour (57:43). I learned how to balance my expectations with reality and how to push reality to meet my goal.

Year five, 2014. This is the year I got summarily schooled by a dear friend who (whom?) I have "adopted" as my brother. In January of that year I had shoulder surgery. I had been going to PT and had JUST started running again when this race rolled around. My coach had told me it was to be a training run ONLY, since there was NO way I was ready to attempt to break an hour. I listened with one ear, and I ran the race as planned. I got the result I was ready for and the one I expected....I finished. 2nd worst finish time ever for me. I wrote up my recap saying it was "decent". My brother let me have it. (You should click on that link and read it...it's good.) He reminded me "I would never tell anyone who had given an effort they were "decent".  (And to be clear--anyone who starts a race gives an effort...anyone who starts to train for a race gives an effort...anyone who gets off the couch gives an effort---it's all relative, but it's all en effort!!)" Boy did I need to re-read that post today. Year five was all about remembering the big picture. I FREAKING ROCKED THAT RACE!! I was less than FIVE months out from shoulder surgery and I RAN A 10K!!! Holy cow! What was I thinking to say that was decent??!! Are you kidding me!? If I could slap that girl, I would.

That was the year I began to learn to honor my body and to began to learn how to be happy with the outcome my body was able to give me. Yeah...I'm still learning that one too.

Year six, 2015. I don't have a recap of this one. I wasn't writing much then. I had been struggling with my shoulder (still) and had been doing some PT trying to get ready for a 2.4 mile swim (in preparation for my second IRONMAN). The plan was to run with Dwayne, who was going to push me to a PR. This would be my first time running this race WITH my husband. Every other year he was my biggest fan. He followed me around the course and cheered for me and smiled at me when I needed it the most. This year we would run it together. But he woke up VERY SICK. Then we got to the race and found out a tree had fallen on the course so the start had to be delayed about an hour. He just felt worse and worse. But he ran anyway...until he had to walk. We did a walk run the whole time, holding hands along the way.

...OH...there was one thing that was almost as wonderful as running with my husband. I RAN THE WHOLE HILL!! Mountainwood isn't very long, but it's steep. Although I've run it in training, I had never run it in the race. Since we were doing a walk run almost from the very start, I got to that point feeling good. So I ran up the whole time!! But even that pales in comparison to the feeling of being with Dwayne the whole race. I was thrilled to find out a friend snapped this picture of us.

Best. Race. Ever.

I have no idea what my finish time was. I could look but it doesn't matter. This was the year I learned there's more to life than running races, goals, expectations and finish times.

So...tomorrow I'm registered for this race again, for the SEVENTH time.

I have a goal (finish the distance). I have a plan (walk run by HR and honor what my body and mind are willing to give me in the moment). In order to make that goal I will have to persevere through difficulty. I am managing my expectations and they match reality. I will NOT be running this race with the nag in my head and I will not be running with Dwayne by my side or as my cheerleader. (Dwayne is planning to race it.) I do have a back up plan in case my body (or mind) just won't give me what I think I want but I won't give up my goal or my plan just because it's hard.

Tomorrow, I am running this race for everyone who thinks they can't and for everyone who really isn't able. There will come a day when I am not able to run a 10K. The reality is tomorrow might be that day. But that's not my plan and that's not my expectation.

Stay tuned...
:D

La La La...I'm NOT Listening...

I have decided I do not want this diagnosis. I think I like the "it's just stress" answer better. "You are getting older." "Early menopause." "Depression." Even "It happens" is better than what I've been told. Mind you, what I've been told is NOT -by a long stretch- the worst thing I could have been told. There are MANY other things that are WAY worse than this. And, as it stands, what I do know is looking better every day. (Well...if I'm being completely honest, that's mainly because I don't have all the information and I'm choosing what I am focusing on at this point.)

I found a blog written by a gal who was diagnosed with AE (autoimmune encephalopathy) who is an ultra runner!! She was training for a 100 miler and had an acute onset of symptoms in March. She got treatment (I'm not sure exactly what treatment she had) and she is back to running 75-100 miles a week. I think she has a considerably stronger will than I do. I think she's able to focus only on the positive whereas I've been getting caught up in the "what-ifs" a little too much. I think she's better at ignoring some physical/mental symptoms and push through much better than I have.

Early on when I started to think there was a problem I ignored it and decided it was stress or training or diet or sleep or hormones. It's like seeing one ant on your floor. You just kill it and you move on. You decide it's an anomaly. Unless you are anxiety ridden, then you might take drastic measures, but for the general population you don't freak out.

But in December I knew something was really wrong. I just couldn't think. I was struggling with word finding. That's really funny until it's happening several times every day, then it's annoying at best, alarming at worst. But I still attributed it to stress, diet, hormones, training or lack thereof, and poor sleep (related to all those other things). I figured if I could just get those things in line, starting with my diet, it would all come back to normal. Thankfully Dwayne pushed me to make the appointment.

By the end of January I was worried. I had cleaned up my diet (for the most part) and although I did feel somewhat better some of the time, I was having more symptoms (mainly dizziness). It was Super Bowl Sunday that I found out I would be getting a quicker appointment with the neurologist which happened the following week. By the time he had completed all his tests and I had my follow up, I was certain something was really wrong. I had done some research on what the dr was suspecting (Hashimoto's Encephalopathy) and I didn't think that fit. The symptoms people seemed to have (seizures, coma, psychosis) didn't fit, and from what I was reading it was incredibly rare.

I have truly gone through all the stages of grief.

Well...more accurately... AM GOING.

I think I'm around the "Dialogue and Bargaining" stage now.

Here's the thing, like this graphic shows, it's not a linear process. There are loops.

But I think it should look more like string art gone bad. Today I'm back at shock and denial. I don't want this thing they are saying I have. I am still holding onto hope there's another answer.

The kicker that forces my head out of the sand is my response to steroids. It was remarkable. Miraculous really. That is a very sure sign-proof positive-that the diagnosis is correct.

I think the biggest reason I haven't yet moved into acceptance and on to a return to meaningful life is that I don't have all the necessary information. I have a follow up with the neurologist next week but I still won't have all the information I want because there are tests that "should" be done that can "only" be done (accurately anyway) at Mayo in Rochester (from what I understand).

It's very hard for me to move forward with uncertainty.

That has to be where faith steps in. I say I have faith that God has a plan, a good plan. I say I have faith that He works all things for good. I say I trust that no weapons formed against me shall prosper.

If I truly believe those things then I won't keep my head in the sand. I won't be afraid, I won't be embarrassed or anxious. I won't stay overwhelmed and depressed. I won't have to struggle to find meaning in the struggle. I will be able to reach out to other people to ask for help. I will boldly explore options and be empowered to move confidently into the future.

Keeping my head in the sand, being angry over the cards I have been dealt, being scared over what the future might hold....those things keep me from living the life I have right now. Those things keep me trapped.

I don't know what the future holds but I'm going to do my best to live today with my face in the sun.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!

What Do I Say?

It's hard for me when someone says "How are you?" or "I hope you are doing well?!" Because part of the truth of the answer is, "well...things aren't totally great right now" but the other part is, "I'm doing GREAT because I have what I think are answers and that's a push in the right direction!"

I want to share my struggle, but I don't want to bring anyone down, or divert attention from the truth that EVERYONE struggles with something. We can focus on that struggle or we can focus on the path out of it. Sometimes the path out is ONLY in our minds.

Think about Steven Hawking. He is trapped in a non-working body but his mind is FULL and THRIVING. What I'm going through is NOTHING compared to that. But at the same time, it's not like I just stubbed my toe either.

Again, there's a balance in there somewhere. I am not going to go into my health history when someone casually says "hey, how've you been?!" but I think it's appropriate to share struggles with each other as long as we don't get mired down.



I've never been trapped in real quicksand, but from everything I've read (and according to this video), the more you fight it the further you sink. You have to almost work with the sand in order to get out. Relax into it while at the same time staying focused on getting out.

You can't ignore quicksand. You can't just "radiate positivity" to get out of it. You have to relax into the hard work.

So, what will I say when someone says "so, how are you?" Maybe my answer will be "I'm wor-laxing my way out of quicksand!" Or maybe I'll say "I'm making it a great day in the quick sand!"

Thanks for stopping by!
:D

Who Wants Easy?

not me, not my kitchen

It's been eight days!  I think I may have cooked more home made meals (things that involved measuring and reading a recipe) this week than I did all last month! I have never been a "cook" but I have always wanted to be one.  I finally realized it's like anything else...if you want to do something well, you have to keep doing it and REFINING the way you do it.

I remember the first time I made chicken pot pie (no, not in my current way of eating...this was almost 25 years ago).  I went to the store, bought all the ingredients, went home, followed the recipe and made the dish.  As my husband and I were eating we were talking about how good the flavor was but that it was dry.  I went to the fridge to get something to drink and realized I completely forgot to add the milk!!  FOUR CUPS OF MILK!!!  No wonder it was dry!!  The second time I made it I made sure to pour the milk into cups where I was mixing the veggies on the stove so I wouldn't forget.  That would have worked if only all the milk was in one cup/bowl.  Unfortunately for me it was in two cups...and I only used one of them!!!  But, hey-at least that time it wasn't as dry!

You'd think the third time for the chicken pot pie was a charm...it was if you think following the recipe to a T is what it takes.  I used all the ingredients and I followed the recipe, and found it to be WAY too runny!!!  If I had never had it as dry as I had I might not have realized what I needed to
change in order to fix it to make it better.  I might have thought it was good enough.  Instead I knew that 3 cups was about right.

Anything in life we desire to do well will require some mistakes and a learning curve.  Some things have a steeper curve than others.  I have found doing those things to be well worth the time and effort more than doing the easy things.

I am beginning to feel really good again.  I'm breathing easier and I've had a few pain free day, some good runs and a good swim.


MONDAY is the day I go back to kindergarten!!  I better go buy my sleep mat...

Until next time...
:D

Going to Kindergarten

Not mine....taken from the internet!

I think my first introduction to strength and conditioning was a physical fitness test I took when I was in elementary school, maybe 3rd or 4th grade.  I remember going to another school's gym on a Saturday and having to do several exercises.  I was told at the time the president wanted to know how fit I was compared to other kids.  I remember feeling very proud that the president cared that much about me!!  :D  I don't remember doing anything prior to that test to get ready for it or following up on it afterwards.  But I did play kickball or chase at recess twice a day every school day (unless it rained and we were forced to stay inside) until 7th grade when we exchanged recess for PE.

Not me...taken from the internet!

I HATED PE.  I hated changing, I hated sweating in the middle of the day (with my new 7th grade stink).  The thought of showering was completely out of the question.  I hated having to display my complete lack of athletic prowess in front of all the kids who just new how to hit a volleyball, throw a baseball or shoot a basketball with the ease of a professional athlete.  I hated the oversized generic brand shoes my mom bought for me thinking I'd grow into them.  I hated the polyester shorts they made us all wear.  I did everything I could to get out of as much as I could, or at least do as little as I could get away

Really me!

Fast forward to my senior year of high school.  My parents were in the Arkansas Army National
Guard.  As a senior, they convinced me enlisting was the route to take to have my college paid for so I signed up.  I knew I would have to go to Basic training which would mean doing a minimum number of pushups and sit-ups and a timed 2 mile run, so I started going to the gym.  I loved sit ups.  I felt like I could do them all day long...so that's what I focused on when I would go.  I would walk around the gym floor 13 times (that was a mile), and I would workout some on the machines, but I spend the better part of my time doing sit-ups.  When I went to Basic training I might have been able to do about 25 pushups in the 2 minute time frame they gave for the test.  Although that wasn't enough, we had to do enough pushups I didn't need extra practice for that!  I was able to keep up in the short runs we did in PT (physical training) enough that I wasn't required to join in "remedial training".  Naturally since I wasn't required, I didn't.  When I took my final PT test, I passed the pushups with ease, came close to maxing on sit-ups and BARELY scraped by on the run (sort of).

I used the Video not the album...

Fast-forward to when I got out of the military.  I have talked before about how I would use physical activity to lose some weight here and there.  I did step aerobics with Jane Fonda, I joined a couple of different gyms along the way, mainly doing group classes.  I would work out on machines every now and then.  I walked; every so often I would try to run.  Sometimes when I got particularly motivated I would tear out the pages of a "SELF" magazine and say I was going to do the 10 minute strengthening workouts they advertised.  (I didn't ever actually do them, at least not ever more than once!).

Fast forward to 2008.  I got a flyer from my local gym advertising personal training.  I went to see Warren Martin who convinced me he could help me get in shape.  And, he DID.  It was amazing.  I started out meeting with him just once a week, but after a couple of weeks stepped that up to twice a week.  He pushed me even when I whined saying I just couldn't do what he was asking me to do.  He also helped me morph my nutrition plan.  In about 10 weeks I lost about 10 pounds and gained a significant amount of strength.  After the 12th week I decided I could do what we were doing on my own and stopped paying for personal training....and very quickly stopped going to the gym.

I tell my husband he can't touch those arms or they'll deflate!

Since I started running, and then triathlon, and then even coaching, I have tried on numerous
occasions to add strength training into my plan.  I became a certified personal trainer and a certified TRX trainer.  I have been a member of three gyms at one time (thanks to teaching and training I am not paying for memberships anymore).  I, of all people, KNOW what to do.  And, when I do it I really enjoy it, and make gains in strength quickly.

And...I don't do it.

I did PT for my shoulder longer than I've done anything, but I stopped even doing that a couple of months ago (and I can tell).  I know I need to do it more now than ever.  I preach all the time to other people that women over 40 NEED strength training to stay healthy.  And I know I need strength training to  prevent injury.  And I know doing it will help me perform better.

And...I just don't do it.

So, when I was invited to try out the program at Iron Tribe Fitness I jumped.

I jumped back actually.  My mind started coming up with all kinds of reasons I shouldn't/couldn't do this thing.   I told Blair (manager/coach) how scared I was and his response was something I'm totally going to steal.  He said, "It's like attending kindergarten...everyone is nervous!  Did you make it through kindergarten?"  So I jumped...in this time.  I will start "kindergarten" October 27th, three days a week for month long 101 Program.  ((For the record, I OWNED kindergarten like BOSS!!!  That was the very best analogy he could have used!!))

I have decided to be very bold and vulnerable and post about my experience here.  I'm posting for two reasons.  When (not if, but when) I get scared I know I will have this stake in the ground (((yes, I get scared to death even though I'm a coach...haven't you read my posts?!)))  Also, I am positive there will be a major transformation in my body and my abilities;  I want to be able to look back on this time and remember where I started.  And IF I forget I will read this post and REMEMBER WHY I'M HERE!!

Until next time...
:D

Would I Be A Wet Dog in 2014?

People started talking about the weather for Wet Dog about a week before the race.  I did my best not to look.  I heard it was going to rain, but really, who cares?  I knew I was going to show up for the race and if it wasn't cancelled, I was going to do it.  That simple.

Well...not quite that simple.  Getting to the start line is generally speaking the REAL journey.

After my surgery in January, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do this race or not.  It was only six months post procedure, but it's also "just" a sprint.  When I went to my last doctor visit I asked him if I would be able to do it and he told me "register for it and train"...he didn't say "YES, of course you'll be able to do that then." But I remember going home and looking at the Wet Dog registration and thinking I might need to wait until I could swim 400 again without stopping.  Then I saw a FaceBook post that RACE PIN was coming to Wet Dog!! (More on this later.)  And I remember registering right then.  I remember telling my husband what I had done and why (I HAVE TO GET THAT PIN!).

Then the training began...but it didn't happen like I expected it to.  I never swam as well as I wanted to.  My run wasn't coming back like I had hoped it would.  I wasn't pain free on the bike like I thought I would be.  And, I've been busier than I ever imagined.  This last week my shoulder was hurting so bad I started wondering if I could finish the race.  Not so coincidentally (since I believe in a God that cares about the details of our lives and one who interacts with us in ways that are meaningful to each individual), I had numerous conversations with various people about not being attached to an outcome in a race.  Just go and do what you can on that day and be happy that you are out on the course enjoying this sport you love.  Well...okay then...I got my brain ready to race as hard as I could (because that's what I ENJOY about this sport, the act of racing, even if I'm not super fast).

And yet I found myself slightly regretting that I had signed up.  Don't hate me for saying this, but there is an aspect of racing mentality that thinks, "what's the point of racing if you aren't in top form to race as hard as your body is capable of going?"

The day before the race there was a lot of talk of storms.  Again, even if it stormed that morning I was going to drive the 30 minutes to Decatur to get my packet and to wait for the official word about what would happen.  And, I was going to get the pin to remember this race.  Then people started talking about an email they got.

I didn't get an email.  

I looked at the website the race uses for online registration to "make sure" it was listed as one of my activities...it wasn't there.  I frantically started searching my email (all the accounts I have) for a confirmation.  Nothing (well, I found a confirmation for 2013, but that wasn't going to help me.  I started searching my various methods of payment for races.  Nothing.  But I just knew I had registered as soon as I found out about the Race Pin....

All of the angst I was feeling about racing (or not being able to race like I wanted to) vanished into sheer disappointment of not being able to do the event at all.  I had the chance to jump into a relay, but I didn't want to just bike...I wanted to TRI.  Within minutes I was reminding myself that I thank God for all the things that seem to go the way I think I want them to...I have to thank Him when things don't go the way I think they should as well.  I'm not going to say the disappointment completely vanished, but I can say I completely let it go and decided it would be fine no matter what.

The Tree

The Forrest

Maybe I was registered (I didn't see that as a possibility since I couldn't find any evidence of that).  If not, I would race on the relay.  And, maybe the race would be cancelled because of storms.  My shoulder had been feeling really bad all week, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise.  I know sometimes I can't see the blessings through the disappointment (the forrest for the trees).  And I will never see the really big picture from God's perspective.  But I do know that "all things work together for good" and I trust that God has a plan for my life.  That plan is less about what I DO than about who I AM.

"Bird's Eye View" From Above

Miraculously, I found out that day (from someone who went over early to pick up the packet) that I was in fact registered!  I'd like to say I kept the lesson I just learned and didn't get anxious about the race.  I can at least say I was less anxious.  In fact, I can probably honestly say I wasn't anxious, I was nervously excited.

Race report to follow...

Until next time...
:D

Cotton Row 10K-Take Five...Better than Decent (part 2)

So...as I was saying in part one, a friend asked me how I did after the race and I said, "decent".   I may have added the part about this being my second worst CRR10K ever.  I think my friend marinated on that comment because a couple of days later I got this email:

I don't know what your IMLT finish time is, don't care, never will.

When I was in the Georgia marathon, back in March, several times I would
think "I'm tired". Then, I'd remember "Dana did one of these, after
biking 100+ miles. I can do this."

Same thing when swimming 2.4 miles in Chattanooga.  "Dana did this, and then
rode 100+ miles, and then did a marathon. This swim is EASY. "

So, quit worrying about your finish time. I know you are.

2015 IM Chatt will be difficult, and you don't need to be stressing
about finish times, that will make it difficult, and no fun. Don't let
finish time suck the joy out of your training.  A day will come when you
cannot complete an IM. Heck, a day will come when neither of us will be
able to do a 5k. So, rejoice NOW, and enjoy the opportunity to
swim/bike/run in God's creation.

(visualize Billy Graham thumping on the podium)

And you didn't do "decent" in Wet Dog. You kicked butt. I was THERE, I
HEARD you yelling when you saw the results.  (Side note-I screamed like a 3 year old that just got a pony for Christmas!)

You represent the "common man". You are the athlete for the 99%. You're
not the high school track star. You're not the collegiate swimmer.
You're like the rest of us. And you succeeded. Home-town girl done good.
Don't act like 2nd place is "decent", it is awesome.

One of the definitions of "decent", according to Webster, is "adequate".


(Thundering voice) IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?!

(visualize wiping forehead with handkerchief, taking a breath, the crowd
is in shocked silence)

Brace yourself: When you say you did "decent", you are distancing
yourself from the rest of us, who would LOVE to get 2nd place in age
group. Really? Don't want to hang out with us anymore? Think about it:
you have athletes who are just trying to COMPLETE a triathlon.  They are
reading your blog. What do you say to them, in next-to-last place, that
they did "less-than decent". No, you would tell them that they rocked.

REPENT!    :)

Now, please stand as Brother Bob leads us in 'Just As I Am'

Let me say...this was an email God intended me to get at the exact moment I got it.  I had just finished physical therapy for the day and was lamenting over being "so weak" and thinking "WHY ON EARTH CAN'T I GET STRONGER?!" and even "I JUST NEED TO QUIT TRYING"!!  I had been ruminating over my finish time from Monday's race training run.  When I got this I just started crying.  I would never tell anyone who had given an effort they were "decent".  (And to be clear--anyone who starts a race gives an effort...anyone who starts to train for a race gives an effort...anyone who gets off the couch gives an effort---it's all relative, but it's all en effort!!)

WHY DO I BEAT MYSELF UP THE WAY I DO?!

I must have read this email 25 times (I've only had it a couple of days, I'm sure I'll read it hundreds of times more).   I thought I was getting better about this pattern of thinking but have somehow slipped back into it.  (Maybe I never really got out of it?)

I can't say I did awesome.  I can't say I am proud of how I did Monday.  I can say I did better than decent.  I can say I'm really glad I did it.  I can say I accomplished the goal of the day.  I can say I am getting stronger (even when I don't feel like it in any given moment*).  I can say my measuring stick is ME.  I think that's the biggest reason I can't say anything I ever do is awesome, because I generally hold something in reserve, hold back, don't try my absolute hardest.  I'm only letting myself down when I do that.  And, maybe I'm letting other people down as well.  One of my favorite quotes says this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"     (emphasis mine)

So, if the inverse of this is also true, when I don't let "my" light shine (God's light through me), I'm unconsciously telling other people they don't have permission to shine either...   That's plain crazy!  
I know I don't want to live in a box, and I certainly don't want you there either!  So, go shine your light!

Read about this sculpture here.

:D


((*My doctor warned me about evaluating how I'm feeling in a moment-by-moment or day-by-day manner.  He said to ONLY evaluate my progress on a MONTH-BY-MONTH basis.  So I try to ask myself, "am I stronger today than one month ago?"...CERTAINLY unequivocally YES.  So the next time I whine about not getting stronger I will remember this email and REPENT!))

Too Much? Too Far?

How far is "too far"?  How much is "too much"?  Those are very subjective terms in my opinion.  I mean, really, how to you know how much farther you can go if you don't try to go there?

In training, you have to "over reach" so your body can become stronger.   The real key is knowing when to pull back.  When you continue to push, you will get hurt.  But, if you never push, you won't grow as an athlete.  There has to be a balance.

I like to say the balance is between the body and the mind.  If the body is too much in control, you generally won't push past your limits (setting new limits in the process).  The body will cry "uncle" long before it has really had enough.  Hard training "hurts".  But it's a good hurt.  This used to be very confusing for me (okay, it still is).  I have determined it's because I was out of "balance" for so long I really didn't know how to listen to my body in a healthy way.  I couldn't tell if the pain was a "work out pain" that would go away or an injury pain that was a signal for me to stop what I'm doing.  All I can say about that is if you haven't been in the practice of listening to your body, you will not understand what it's trying to tell you.  It's very much like trying to understand someone else's toddler speak!!

On the other hand, if your mind is too much in control you will generally push your body beyond it's breaking point to injury.  I think this is the result of the above (not listening to/understanding your body).  It's like the swing of a pendulum from one side of the clock to the other.  However, it can also be the result of someone who is trying to beat their body into submission.

I have a friend who is an avid athlete, who was injured (an acute/sudden injury) that required surgery.  That friend knew full well "they" weren't supposed to push "hard" but couldn't resist.  "They" pushed hard and got reinjured with a chronic type injury that can only be solved with a long period of rest.  "They" will not take time off.  "They" are increasing "their" chances of damaging "their" body long term.  And "they" don't care.  (I am certainly NOT "they"...I value my long term health way more than short term training.  Okay, at least slightly more.)

When there is not balance there is either injury, or failure to meet potential.  When you allow your body to be too much in control, you won't "over reach" and push your limits out from where they currently are.  Most people have not met their body's potential.  They have met the limit of their mind, or the limit of their ability to listen to their body complain!  They give in, give up, quit early, stop pushing...settle for less than they are capable of.  I get it.  It's hard, especially when you have let your body dictate your life.  But, "brats" can learn good behavior only through CONSISTENCY.

We have to learn where the fulcrum of this teeter totter is.  It's ironic, a pendulum in a clock has to swing from side to side for the clock to keep time.  This mind/body balance requires a pendulum that is very still in the middle, not swinging from one extreme to the other, in order for us to live healthy for a long time.

It's interesting to me...I have begun to learn what "too far" feels like.  Sometimes, like the other day at PT and the next day in the pool, I ignore it and allow my mind to tell my body "COME ON...IS THAT REALLY ALL YOU'VE GOT?  YOU CAN DO MORE THAN THAT!!!"  My body has developed a pretty strong voice that no longer sounds like a crying bratty toddler.  It sounds more like, "Okay...I'm telling you that's enough, but if you want to push, I'll push back."  I had a VERY MINOR set back in therapy and had to back off a few days.  But, I don't see it as a set back.  I see it as a confirmation.  When I thought to myself, "this feels like too much" and "I probably shouldn't be doing this"...I should have listened.

((Now...I know my mother reads my blog sometimes so I need to tell her, "I'm really fine.  I just pushed a TINY bit much and found a limit.  This is a really good thing, because it teaches me how to listen better.  You KNOW I need that!"))

People keep asking me how I tore my bicep tendon.  If I'm being 100% honest, I have to say it was overuse.  But, I can't help but thinking that it was really the bone spurs that caused the tear with normal use....it's just my normal may not look like someone else's normal.  But, in my defense, there are other people who have a way more extreme normal that makes my normal look like nothing.

No one can answer the question "how far is too far to push your body" for you.  Only your body can answer that question.  And only your mind can hear it.  If you aren't sure which side of the spectrum you are on, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I perpetually injured? (yes...usually a sign your mind is in control)
• Am I meeting what I believe is my potential (no...usually a sign your body is in control)

If you still aren't sure, read this post about my "bratty body" and see if you can relate.

Until next time...  :D

I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!! (almost)

I seriously can't remember the last time I was able to get a full night's sleep.   I'm sure it has happened since the surgery, but I can't remember it.  Well...until last night that is!!

I think three factors came into play.  In no particular order they are:

1) I did some "PT" right before I got into bed.  My physical therapist (Todd Hayes at Johnson and Hayes) has told me movement and strength are the things needed to get rid of the pain and get me back to doing the things I want to do.  So, I did some stretches and general movement (basically arm swings) right before I got into bed.

2) We sold the cloud we've been sleeping on.  Four and a half years ago my husband and I bought a new generic memory foam mattress.  It wasn't cheap by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn't Tempur-Pedic and it was on the softer side of the spectrum.  I loved it.  It was like sleeping on down.  The problem was that after four and half years, the bed had developed a bit of Alzheimer's (it had no memory).  I never really noticed but my husband, who would probably prefer to sleep on a  ROCK, did.  So last week we ordered a new mattress (a Tempur-Pedic that will allow me to sleep on a cloud and my sweet husband to sleep on a rock).  Yesterday, we sold the dementia plagued puff box.  We were going to sleep on the guest bed, but it is currently covered with yard sale stuff.  Instead we pulled out the air mattress.  It's a nice one and was considerably more firm than the cloud.  I don't know if the firmness of the sleeping surface had anything to do with the quality of my sleep, but it was a change, so it made the list.

And, last, but certainly not least...

3) I slept with a pillow under my arm.  A friend of mine who had shoulder surgery last year told me that's what she does to keep from waking up in pain.  (Her procedure was different, but I think the reason it's hurting now is just stiffness in the joint, which would be the same for both of us.)  I don't exactly understand the physiology behind why that would work, except that it's probably like the pillow in the sling I was chained to for eight weeks; it just puts space in the socket.  (That's a guess.)

I'm aware this is an ad for alcohol, and their meaning is not mine, but challenge is the fertilizer of a great life!!  We remember the bumps in the road, not the smooth sailing!!

I did actually wake up three times in the night.  (I think that was all my better half's "fault".)  However, instead of being in tremendous pain (as usual), I was able to go back to sleep two of the three times and only got up the third time because it was legitimately MORNING!!!!!  The sun was coming up and everything!!!  GLORIOUS MORNING!!!

To make things even better, it didn't take nearly as long this morning to get down to a comfortable level of discomfort.  Most mornings I am convinced that I should either call the dr as soon as their office opens, or maybe just start driving to Birmingham right then, because something has gone terribly WRONG.  You would think I would be used to the routine by now, but I am an "in-the-moment" kind of gal (in case you didn't know that already!).

Speaking of "in-the-moment"...Thursday I had a moment that caught me completely off guard.  I was sitting at lunch and my friend asked me how my shoulder was doing and I realized that not only did it not hurt right then, I didn't even NOTICE it...I wasn't even AWARE of it...I couldn't even FEEL it!!!  It was GLORIOUS to feel like a normal person after a year and a half of being in a continuum of "aware of it" up to "wow that hurts so bad I think I want it cut off to stop the pain!".    (I wish I was kidding...)

I think it will be a long while before I'm not aware of it more than I am on the other 99% of the spectrum, but for now I'll take sleeping through the night!!

Until next time...  :D

Not Looking Ahead...Yet

I started this blog in 2010 (well, technically I started it at the end of 2009, but it was about starting the blog in 2010 so that doesn't really count).

My first post in 2010 was about getting ready to get started on the path to becoming a runner (a marathoner to be exact).  I talked about how important it is to start slow and I expressed my desire to take a turtle's pace forward.  I knew then that I was in this new life for the long haul.

My first post in 2011 was about discipline.  This was when I first started thinking that training shouldn't dictate life, but that it should work the other way around.  I decided it wasn't good for me to follow a stock plan, but at the same time I needed structure and organization.  Very quickly I started talking triathlon and being welcomed by the swimming and biking communities.

My second post in 2012 was all about looking ahead for the year.  I wanted to add strength training into my plan and to be choosy about which goals to work on when.  I did have my race calendar filled in for the year, but I had only planned training through spring of that year (up to IM NOLA 70.3).  In that post I talked about how I felt like I had two big issues:

1. One of the problems I've had in the past is not making decisions about what I ultimately want causing me to change course mid stream because I hadn't clearly targeted where I was going.  
2. Another huge problem is giving up on what I want because getting there is too hard, or will take too long. 

I tried to fight those tendencies by setting some goals up for the year (race calendar) and by putting a plan in motion to accomplish those goals.  But I also made a conscious decision not look too far ahead, to stay focused on the task(s) at hand.

Last year my main focus for the new year was IMLT.

This is February 17th and I haven't taken my eyes off today long enough to even think about what might be in store for me as an athlete this year.  I know what's going on with me as a coach (more on that later), but me as an athlete?  That's a different story altogether.

I have 2 more weeks in the sling, then about 30 days until I can start training again (from what I understand right now)....44 days and counting.  While I don't think it's too early to be thinking what my goals might be for this year...I also know I don't want to get too far ahead of myself.  I am not that person who must have a race on the horizon to train for all the time anymore.  I don't think it would be a mistake to simply start working toward being stronger for right now (...that is in fact precisely what I am doing right now but I'm talking on day 45 and beyond).

With progress slowing down just a bit, it's becoming more challenging to stay focused.  However, I know that is what is required right now.  It's always darkest before the dawn.  I will get "there"...and "there" will be farther than I have ever gone before (and faster...).

Relentless forward motion doesn't always break speed records!

Until next time...
:D

Moving On

I'll be honest...the original title of this post was going to be "I Give Up".  I didn't mean give up on my body, I meant give up on physical therapy for my shoulder.  But, the truth is I am not giving up per se.  I'm moving on.

This shoulder thing has been hanging around FAR TOO LONG.  But, at the same time I have to realize that even though I haven't been 100%, I was able to train for (and complete) an Iron Man race that some are calling the hardest WTC (Iron Man brand) race around.  It may have been "slow" but I finished standing up!  :D

To recap...I started feeling something was not quite right in September 2012.  At first I thought it was sympathy pains for a friend of mine (who has since had surgery for a torn rotator cuff), so I ignored it.  When it kept bothering me I decided I needed to work it more and added TRX and Hot Yoga to my swim/bike/run plans.  When it (shockingly) didn't get better, I went to see Dr Olsen.  After a couple of visits didn't bring relief, I went to see an orthopedic doc, Dr Tindall.  He put me on steroids and told me to back off workouts (which I did).  When the drugs and rest didn't work, I went back.  He did a shoulder MRI (no contrast) and gave me an injection.  When that didn't seem to help he did a neck MRI (thinking it might be a nerve issue) and referred me to another doctor for a nerve conduction study.  The nerve study showed some trouble in the left (upper) trap.  She said the neck MRI was "normal" but that wasn't a finding she would usually see with a "normal" MRI, so she looked at it herself and said there were some slight bulges in the cervical discs.  She said she thought it was a "pinched" nerve.  Dr Tindall said I would eventually need surgery but there was nothing to do except live with it until then.  I had some visits with Dr Olsen again and had some PT with Jay Austin.  I then went to get a second opinion from another orthopedic doc, Dr Layton.  He referred me to another nerve doc, Doctor Cosgrove who gave me some facet joint injections.  THAT seemed to give me relief so I had a Medial Branch Nerve Ablation (they burned the nerves in my neck).  After I came to realize that wasn't the answer I went back to the nerve doctor, but had to see a new guy, Dr Reto since Dr Cosgrove had moved away by then.  Dr Reto referred me to the Alabama Pain Management Clinic where I had facet joint injections, an injection in my trapezius and two injections in my shoulder (one in the front and one in the back).  About five weeks ago I went for yet another opinion from Dr Ortega at Andrews Sports Orthpedic Center in Birmingham who sent me for PT (which I've been getting from Todd Hayes at Johnson and Hayes).

In the beginning, I had very high hopes that PT was going to work.  I'm just a few weeks in but I am not seeing any measure of improvement.  The only time I can tolerate movement is when I'm taking two Aleve twice a day.  I could do that, but then I would end up needing treatment for a stomach ulcer!

So...I'm not giving up, I'm just moving on.  I made another appointment with Dr Ortega for Monday.  I'm going to ask for an MRI with contrast.  He didn't want to do that last time because I had not yet done a serious round of PT for my shoulder (when I went to Jay Austin, they were thinking it was a pinched nerve in my neck).  Dr Ortega didn't want to do anything before trying PT first.  There is a chance I haven't given it long enough to work, but at the same time, I don't think I'm seeing any improvement that might give me hope.

I watched a video on defeat today (see below).  Andy Potts (pro triathlete) says there are two things in life you can control-your attitude and your effort; when you're defeated you aren't able to give your best effort.  I am NOT defeated by this.  In fact, I'm going to say I'm even more inspired than ever to continue.  This shoulder thing will not stop me.

"Defeat meant reassess, rebuild, chase again...you learn more out of defeat than you do success because success makes you overlook things."  --Chris McCormack 

"I look at it as a chance to become a better athlete."  --Tim O'Donnell

Thanks for stopping in...I promise one day (really soon) I won't be whining about my shoulder any more!  :D

59th Street Bridge Song

I remember in 5th grade learning the 59th Street Bridge Song.  You know the one?  "Slow down you move too fast, you got to make the morning last.  Just kickin down the cobble stones.  Lookin for fun and feelin' groovy..."

Well...I'm fining myself on the 59th Street Bridge, being forced to, once again, SLOW DOWN.

After I went to the Andrew's Orthopedic Center a few weeks ago, I started doing PT at Johnson and Hayes.  Day one was GREAT.  I was given some home exercises to do twice a day, every day until I returned five days later.  I did them like a champ and got so excited I started penciling in races for 2014, including a tough 140.6, The Great Floridian.  Day 2 I was pushed and told I might need to take the next day off depending on how sore I was.  I did.  Day 3 I felt good, but still pretty sore.  Then I went out of town and was given some extra exercises to do at home but told to drop down to once a day and maybe only every other day.

By the time I went back for Day 4 I was hurting again just like I had been before.  At that point he backed off a little and rearranged the exercises.  Yesterday I was in a good bit of pain.  So today, Day 5, I was told we're going to have to slow down the process.

My back in 2011

Exaggerated winged scapulae

Possibly what is going on is this:  I started out with weak muscles
and what basically amounts to poor posture.  I added load to that and wound up injured.   In the last year I've done TONS of things in attempt to correct the symptom (pain)...but nothing to correct the underlying dysfunction (weakness and poor mechanics).  So, every time the pain went (mostly) away, I went back to working out and - BAM - more pain!  ((This is a theory, but it really makes sense to me and gives me some hope I won't need to have surgery so I like it a lot!))

So...the goal this week is to calm the pain down (most likely from tendonitis in that same pesky spot), then SLOWLY work on building all those little muscles up in the right way so that when I add some load to them, they will work the way they should and not cause pain.

I've decided to keep my 2014 race calendar open for now.  I'm not signing up for any races until I know my body can handle some intense training because in the words of Ricky Bobby, "I wanna go FAST"!!  I know I have it in me, I just have to start with a solid base of strength to build on.

I'm not going to lie.  When he told me today I needed to take a step back, I did start to cry a little bit.  But, all-in-all, this is great news.  If the theory is correct, this little step back is going to catapult me forward in the not too distant future.  You might see me on the sidelines for now...but you will find me on the podium later giving all the glory to Him to makes me strong.

"Life I love you.  All is groovy."  (FYI, in case you didn't know, that's the last line of the song...)

Thanks for stopping in.  Come again soon.
:D

Race Pre-Cap

A friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago to write up a race "pre-cap" of my Iron Man (which is in NINETEEN DAYS AND A WAKE UP!!).  I've tried several times, but I just haven't been able to do it.  I'm going to give it one more tri.  (he he)  (This will be considerably less wordy than the recap...)

Pre Race
My husband and I will get there on Thursday afternoon.  We will be picked up by Race Quest and taken to our condo, which is ON King's Beach (by the start from what I understand).  We will go to the expo so I can get checked in and get even more excited than I already am.  I'll check to make sure that TriBikeTransport got my bike there safe and sound (why yes, they did! :D).  Then we'll head to the grocery store so I can buy good, clean, healthy food for the next few days.  (Chicken, salmon, salad, broccoli, almond milk, almonds, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, bananas, oranges, nectarines...and Diet Coke for my sweet husband.)  Thursday night there is supposed to be a night swim so I'm hoping to get in on that action--I hear it will be almost a full moon out and should be beautiful.

The Athlete Guide has not yet been posted (WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??) but according to the event schedule there is a practice swim Friday morning so I'll head out to that to check it out since I'm guessing they will have the buoys up then.  I'm hoping Race Quest will drive us around the bike course on Friday or Saturday so I can imagine in my mind's eye how I will be mastering the climbs and relaxing down the descents with free speed.  Friday night there is a mandatory athlete meeting so I won't miss that.

I will spend a good bit of Saturday getting all my bags ready:

Bike Gear

• bike shorts
• jersey
• arm warmers that I can throw away
• leg warmers?
• gloves
• socks
• bike shoes
• helmet
• sun glasses
• Picky Bars
• sun screen
• HR monitor
• Butt Butter
• Salt Stik Caps
• lip balm
• race number belt with race number attached (? do I have to wear this on the bike?)
• towel
• baby powder (have you ever tried to put bike shorts on a wet body?)
• buff or cap for my head

Bike Special Needs

• sun screen
• notes from friends/family*
• picture of Churchill
• extra Picky Bars and Salt Stik Caps
• Frog Tog

Run Gear

• running skirt and shirt
• sun screen
• water bottle
• EFS baggies
• notes from friends/family*
• shoes
• socks
• Body Glide
• hat
• Frog Tog

Run Special Needs

• EFS baggies
• pictures of family (I won't be able to read by then I'm sure!)
• head lamp
• long sleeve shirt or arm warmers

I will lay out what I will need for race morning-bathing suit and wetsuit, socks and shoes, swim cap, goggles, ear plugs (?), tri glide and body glide, water bottle for start, water bottles for bike (3 full of water), watch, banana and almond butter to eat about 45 minutes before the start.

I will check in my gear and my bike and kiss it good night.

I will pray a LONG TIME and get to bed early knowing I am as READY as I can possibly be and knowing He will carry me through the day no matter what happens.

Race Day

I will wake up at 4:30 to take my meds and get dressed.  I'll write some inspirational things on the backs of my hands (as yet to be determined), I will pray and then head to the bike transition.  I'll load up my water bottles and pump my tires and then head to the start line.  I will go in the water for a little pre-race swim warm up and I will be pleasantly surprised at how warm the water feels! :D

Swim

The swim start is a rolling start for this race.  From what I understand, everyone will be in the water by 7 and the slower swimmers will be at the back of the pack.  I will put myself in about the 2 hour time slot, but really I'd like to go in the water AT 7am (so my finish clock time will be right....yes, I know it's probably silly, but I'd like that to be the case if at all possible).  

I kiss my husband one last time and head for the start line.  When I enter the water, all the nerves I have felt the last 3 weeks will wash away and I will swim with confidence, easily being able to see the buoys and swim straight.  From what I understand the swim is being changed from what they have posted (a 2 loop course with a short beach run between each loop) to a 2 loop course where we do not leave the water...so I gladly "just keep swimming", getting closer and closer to the end of the "bike warm up".  I'm out of the water faster than what I expected and I feel great!  (Thank you God!)

I strip off my wetsuit because it's easier to do it myself than to lay down to let someone else do it.  I go to get my bike gear bag and head for the changing tent.  I dry off, strip down, powder and lube up, thank the volunteers and head out for my bike.

Bike

I get on the bike and it is glorious.  The sun is up and it is bright and clear.  What a beautiful place to ride!!!  The first 6 miles are nice and flat, there's a short mile long climb and then 15ish fast downhill miles, another mile long climb, then 10 rolling uphill miles, 3.3 miles UP, 3 miles DOWN, 2.8 UP and that is one loop.  I get my special needs bag and realize I'm feeling really GOOD.  I'm making good time and know I will make it well before the cut off.  I have been relaxed on the descents and the climbs weren't nearly as bad as I expected them to be.  I'm ready for the last loop and a half.  I take a moment to pray and thank God again for this day.  

I finish the bike and smile because the marathon warm up is out of the way and I know I have plenty of time for the main event.   

Run

I grab my run bag, change clothes and head out to run along the Truckee River, taking in the gorgeous views!   I am smiling from ear to ear, I have managed my nutrition and hydration just like I had planned and practiced and I'm feeling like a million bucks.  I have seen my smiling husband on the course several times and he has encouraged me like a true cheerleader!!  He tells me about the texts and FaceBook messages I have gotten and it makes me smile knowing I have friends and family who have been watching me via the MyAthleteLive Tracker I've been wearing**.

I am the obnoxiously annoyingly chipper racer that I always am--so happy God has given me the strength to carry out this day to His glory.  I am cheering for spectators and thanking volunteers.  I know this means I could actually be running faster, but I am taking this day in and enjoying every single second of it.

Doubt creeps in about the time  I get my special needs bag and I remember why I'm here when I look at the pictures of my family and then I hear Dwayne's voice telling me I have just 13 miles to go (which is less than 10% of the total for the day...so I really am almost there).  He tells me how proud of me he is and tells me to save the tears for the finish line!!

As I near the finish, I hand Dwayne my sweaty cap and he hands me my signature hat that he has carried with him all day for just this moment.  ...I usually RACE a finish line...but on this day, I take the advice I have been given and really soak in the crowd.  I high five spectators and hear the song that is playing (Overcomer or maybe Roar)...and I cross the finish line, remembering to thank God for giving me this day and the strength I needed to complete this task to His glory!--well under the 17 hour cutoff...and my husband is there and doesn't even tell me how BAD I STINK...lets me hug him and BAWL MY EYES OUT. 

:D  

*Please feel free leave me comments on this post I can print out for race day!!
**My race number is 784...I'll post a link later on to tell you how to track me live on race day!

Churchill

I have a new inspiration in the world of triathlon and she is only 11 years old.  Her nickname for this blog is "Churchill" (since I will most likely refer to her over and over again at the very least until I get back from Lake Tahoe).

Allow me to explain.  She is obviously not a balding WC Fields look alike.  She's a kid who completely embodied Churchill's quote, "Never, ever give up*" at Huntsville's first ever youth and junior triathlon recently.  (*That quote is stated in various ways but that's the essence).

I met Churchill at the KidsTri clinic I did prior to the race.  She looks like the swimmer I already knew her to be from talking with her mother.  She has an infectious smile that can melt icebergs and is much taller and prettier than she should be at 11.  She listened intently to the various tips I was doling out and she even laughed at my goofy jokes.  She said she was looking forward to the race.

Little did she know what was in store for her that day.

This race was broken down into three divisions, Guppy, Junior and Senior.  Because of some race permit issues, we were forced to start the Guppies off at 10am, which meant the Seniors (Churchill's division) wouldn't race until MUCH later in the already hot day.  This was a reverse triathlon; Seniors would run a mile and a half, bike five miles and then jump in the pool to swim 150 yards.

I didn't see Churchill come in from the run, but I do know she was certainly not the last one out on her bike.  After many of the bikers had come in, we started trying to assess who was still out on the course (by counting the number of bikes missing in transition).  When we got down to just two or three I started trying to find out who was still out there.  When the second to last little triathlete came in on her bike I realized the only one left was Churchill.  I couldn't understand what had happened, because this little girl certainly looked the part of a full on athlete.  I was told the sweepers were with her and that her mom was on her way out on a borrowed bike to ride in with her.

As I saw her coming in with her entourage of cheerleaders I immediately saw the bike was pretty small for her tall frame.  And then I saw her TWO FLAT TIRES!!!

In case you've never had the experience of riding on flat tires, I found a video someone shot who apparently thought it was cool to do this (amazing how you can find videos of anything on youtube!).  Notice how the bike wheel is very unstable.  (FYI, riding on flat tires can be dangerous and can ruin your wheel so don't try this at home.) 

Also, if you've never ridden on flat (or almost flat) tires, you don't realize how HARD it is to pedal.  Holy Peace Sign Churchill!!  No wonder this poor girl was last in on the bike.   When she was coming into transition, someone said, "hey, run her in to the pool".  She was HOT and TIRED and probably a bit disoriented.  The volunteers who had helped every other child get to where they needed to be had already abandoned their posts.

Little did I know how fast this kid could run!!  Once she got her shoes off and grabbed up her goggles, she was sprinting to the pool like she was running from a bear!!  I had to take off my hat and throw my legs into racing mode in order to stay in front of her!

I expected her to shoot off in the pool pretty fast since she is a swimmer first and foremost.  I also expected her to slow down a bit from being worn out after the run and the flat-tire ride.  I didn't time her laps, but I did watch the whole thing, and I think she actually sped up!!  She was FLYING through the water like a dang dolphin!  Not only that, she was bilateral breathing with perfect form!  ((When I get tired I have to resort to breathing every stroke on one side...not this kid!))

I had made it clear to the kids who came to the clinic that their race ended when they touched the wall on their last lap of the swim.  There was a "finish line" but that was for show, not for timing purposes.  To top off this amazing swim, Churchill did a deck up and trotted across the finish as if she had just won the race--smiling from ear to ear as she had been the whole time!!  I was tearing up at least as much as her own family.

I waited until a bit later to gush over her.  I told her she had just experienced a character building race.  When she didn't know what on earth I meant by that, I explained.  Most every adult I know would have quit.  Without the ability to fix the flats, it would have been the end of their race.  But this was Churhill's first triathlon.  She was unwilling to be thwarted in her her determination.  More than that, after running 1.5 miles in the sweltering heat and riding 5 miles (on, did I mention, FLAT TIRES?!) she finished STRONG and SMILING!  I went on to tell her how unbelievably proud I was of her.  I told her our character is not what we do but who we are as a person and that she is incredibly strong in that department.

Since that race I have had several challenging training opportunities and have done one 5K race (I'll write about some of those experiences in more detail soon).  Each time I have thought about Churchill.  The look of determination on her face, the way she raced through transition and sliced through the water to finish in what she already knew would be dead last place.  She could have given up at any point in time.  No one would have thought less of her for doing so.  She could have jogged to the pool, she could have finished her first triathlon the way I did--doing the backstroke the whole way!!  She could have finished with a tear in her eye and a pout on her face giving all the reasons she didn't do "well".  Instead, she was smiling from ear to ear and that smile has stuck with me...and will be with me as I cross the finish line on September 22nd after swimming 2.4 miles, biking (on well pumped tires) 112 miles and after running 26.2 miles.  I intend to put a picture of Churchill (the real girl, not the balding bowtie wearing man) in my special needs bag to remind me to:  

NEVER, EVER, EVER GIVE UP

Victory is not determined by our place in the race results...