Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I Don't Wanna'...(foot stomp)

I can remember throwing temper tantrums when I was little in my grandmother's hallway.  I would lay on my stomach while kicking my feet and pounding my fists into the floor, crying and screaming all the while.  I don't remember it ever having an effect on anyone else in the house.  In fact, I have a memory of someone (an aunt maybe) stepping over me to get into the bathroom.

For a long while now I haven't really "WANTED" to do my workouts.  The idea of doing them is okay until it's time to get it done, then it's like I have a 4 year old's tantrum in my head.  I have these flashes of just saying "I QUIT!!!" and then, in my mind's eye, I'm eating a pizza (or today it was a Ruben sandwich!).  I gave into this voice two weeks ago...but to be fair there were some other things going on that day which were more powerful than simple petulance.  Since that time I've been determined to persevere.

I thought it would go away.  I thought it would get easier.  I thought my desire to reach the goal I have set for myself would blast out the obstinate toddler in my mind.  I thought the love I have of what I'm doing (swimming, biking, running) would outweigh my desires to sleep in, take naps, stay in my PJs all day, eat anything and everything and be LAZY.  But, the only time I really feel good is when the work is finished.  And...then I'm sad because I feel like I missed out on the joy of actually DOING the workout.  When it's over I find myself wanting to do MORE.

On the schedule for today was a swim workout (which I've done already) and a strength workout (which I haven't done yet).  I woke up excited to get to the pool (the idea of swimming)...but as I began getting my bag ready I started dwelling on all the things I don't like.  "...the water is going to be cold, I'm going to have a hard time breathing, it's going to be hard, I don't know if I can really do what's on the plan, it's going to take hours out of my day..."  When the time came, I practically had to make myself drive to the natatorium.  I could feel my inner brat getting wound up.  It started with a pout and ended with "her" looking like I did at my grandma's house--crying, fists and feet pounding, kicking and screaming "I DON'T WANNA'!!!".

And...I, like my aunt, casually ignored her, put on my suit and jumped in the water.  I wish I could say the conniption ended...but it didn't.  I pretty much had to force myself to get through all three sets of the workout....until the last fast 50.  And then, as usual....that bratty little girl in my mind looked up at me with a tear-stained face and said with a voice raspy from screaming, "Is that all??  Is it really over??  But I wanna do more!!  Can I do one more set??"  I just laughed and thought, "well...no...but you can go do your strength workout now..."

You guessed it...  "BUT I DON'T WANNA!!!"

((Yes...my mind really is that complicated, just ask my husband!!))

Thanks for stopping in...come again soon!

When I searched for a good picture, I came across this video...cracked me up, hope you think it's as funny as I do...


Don't hold back, tell it like it is....