See-Saw on a Cliff

When a person is training for a tough event (any event that is tough for that person...it might be walking a mile without stopping...whatever is outside what the can currently do)...the usual way to train is to "overreach" and then recover, reaching just a bit further each time until the goal is met.

But, when that person has an autoimmune issue (or maybe some other chronic condition they are working around), that person has to be careful not to go too far in the "overreach" phase of training. Because going too far can set off a flare (or reoccurrence of the injury).

My friend "Daisy" has an autoimmune condition that had been fairly stable for long enough she decided to train for a local 13.1 race recently. She asked me for my thoughts. I told her she was going to need to adjust her expectations for her performance and she was going to have to be diligent in listening to her body. She worked her way up to a 10 mile long run and the wheels fell completely off. She went into one of the worst flares she's experienced. She THOUGHT she was listening to her body...and...she didn't hear the flare coming.

She is understandably VERY concerned about me training for IMChoo.

I have been feeling pretty strong lately.

BUT

My data is giving me a very different picture than my feelings. My data is telling me I have to slow down.

this is what it should look like

Here's the thing...training effect builds up over time. It's cumulative. Fatigue is cumulative. Fitness is cumulative. The "trick" is to slowly build fitness without going too high with fatigue. Usually you want to have 2-4 building weeks and then a recovery week. Within the week you want to have building and recovery cycles as well. It's like a seesaw. But for someone with an autoimmune condition it's more like being on a seesaw with one side hanging over a cliff!

The truth is I really do not precisely know what caused my brain disease. The most likely answer is that in the summer of 2015 I was coaching about 12 adult athletes, I had about a team of about 20ish kids, I directed a kids triathlon and I was training pretty hard for IMChoo. I raced hard in September and then I let my diet fall completely apart. I think the embers were smoldering with the overload from all the mental, emotional, and physical stress I was under and my post-race diet lit a match. The doctors say there's just no way to know what caused it to happen, and, unfortunately, no way to know if it will happen again.

Sometimes I think I'm overly afraid. I haven't had a (lasting) flare in over 2 years. I honestly give most credit Juice Plus. Getting the nutrition from 30 fruits and veggies every day does wonders for the body! I'm also very careful with stress these days. Contrary to what many people think, I work hard to NOT work too hard. I'm aware I workout more than the average American. But we all know the average American doesn't workout at all...when you factor in the fact that I'm pretty darn close to being a menopausal woman that number goes down even more. 

I try to do all the right things... I don't typically have ANY caffeine, but "never" after noon. I try to eat "right" most of the time. I workout what I feel is an appropriate amount*. I drink about a half gallon of water every day. The one thing I really NEED to get better on is my sleep hygiene. I have this little routine that I NEED to change. We have been watching TV until about 8 or 8:30, then I get ready for bed, and play 5 games on my phone in bed before I shut it down and fall asleep. It's such an OCD routine that when I've tried to change it I lay awake for over an hour almost feeling anxious becuase I haven't done the routine! That NEEDS to change. I think the main reason I haven't worked harder to change it is because I don't believe it will make a difference in my sleep quality. But I won't know unless I try.

*Let's come back to what I consider to be an "appropriate amount" of working out.

If I'm 100% honest, maybe I workout "too much"...but this is where it gets tough. I only feel that way when I compare myself to those around me. But I am training FAR LESS than I "should" be at this point in time with IMChoo coming up in September. I "should" be swimming (I'm not swimming right now because there's a theory that chlorine impacts the thyroid and I KNOW my thyroid is low right now), I should be running a lot more (I'm not because that's the hardest type of workout for me to recover from), and I should be riding my actual bike more (I don't because my husband is TERRIFIED for me to ride on the roads, and I'm exhausted in the evening so I don't want to go back out to ride on the Arsenal, and I HATE the trainer...and it's hard to put that bike on and off the trainer so I can ride on the weekend).

Right now my week looks like this:

Monday: Spin, Hotworx, Teach Aqua Fitness (it's a bit like a step aerobics class for me)

Tuesday: Strength training, hotworx (next week I'm adding in a run before strength)

Wednesday: Aqua Fitness, Spin, Spin

Thursday: Strength training, hotworx (next week I'm adding in a run before strength)

Friday: Aqua Fitness, Hotworx (this is usually my easiest day)

Saturday: Long ride or run

Sunday: Long ride or run

But any day I feel like I need it I back off and skip something.  I hardly went to Hotworx at all this week and tomorrow will be a rest day because Monday is my fourteenth straight year to run the Cotton Row 10K!!

The thing about being on a see-saw on the edge of a cliff is to make darn sure what you're balancing with on the other side is just exactly the right amount! I certainly don't want to fall off into the abyss...but I also don't want to miss out on doing what I love...I don't want to be so afraid of what might happen that I miss out on what is possible. 

Thanks for sticking around. I'm excited to see what will happen next!

Why Did I Even Sign Up?

Back when I did IMLT in 2013 I had a shoulder injury. I knew after that race I would have to have something done to fix it but I didn't know what that might be. I had spent the year of training trying to figure out what was wrong. I had been to SO MANY doctors, physical therapists, massage therapists, a chiropractor and wound up at the pain clinic getting injections to fight the pain. After the second visit there I decided that was NOT the place I wanted to be...

After the race was over I went down to Andrew's Sports Medicine in Birmingham and started at square one with them...initial consultation, PT, return visit, more PT...and then when I went for a guided injection they FINALLY found that I had a completely shredded biceps tendon. A very short time later they removed it completely! (There are 2 biceps tendons-a long and a short head...I'm 99% sure it was the long head they removed.) Rehab took about 6 months to really get back to mostly normal, and another 6 months to get all the way back. During that year I focused more on running and completed the Huntsville Grand Slam (Dizzy 50k, Rocket City Marathon, Recover from the Holidays 50k and Mountain Mist (I can't seem to find race recaps of Recover or RCM....I think that's because I ran with a pregnant friend who had not told anyone she was pregnant so I kept very quiet about the races since how I ran them was VERY guided by running with her!)

After those races were over I set my sights on IMChoo (2015). I was coaching a lot of adults and that summer I had a full team of kids. Looking back I think the symptoms of brain disease were already creeping in but I didn't see them.

My plan was to do an Ironman every other year. I wanted to do Louisville or Arizona in 2017 and the other in 2019. But my plans got totally derailed....

In 2017 my husband, brother-in-law and I did a relay at IM70.3 Augusta. We all signed up for the Chatty 70.3 that was going to take place in May of 2018. I don't remember why by BIL didn't race, but not only did Dwayne and I start directing the Rocket City Marathon, we were also both injured just before the race.  

I think truth be told, my fitness just wasn't coming back like I had hoped it would. Every time I started working even the slightest bit hard I had a bit of a flare of symptoms (the biggest of which was crippling fatigue). 

In July 2019 we pulled the trigger to race in 2020...but we all know what happened in March of 2020. I knew that race wasn't going to happen so I really stopped training. 

Then I had a very personal (and private) tragedy hit in May of 2020 that shook me to the very depths of despair. In the midst of the Covid shutdown I felt like life as I knew it was going to be over.

Slowly but surely I began to heal. 

We were all deferred from Chatty 70.3 to Augusta 70.3 in August but, again, I knew that race wasn't going to happen so I didn't train. When that one was cancelled we were deferred to Chatty 2021. In December Covid numbers spiked. Once again I knew that race wouldn't happen so I didn't train.

But then in like early May it became obvious it WAS going to happen after all...by then it was too late to train! One month earlier I started eating "functional food". (The Functional Food Center defines this as: “Natural or processed foods that contain biologically-active compounds; which, in defined, effective, non-toxic amounts, provide a clinically proven and documented health benefit utilizing specific biomarkers, to promote optimal health and reduce the risk of chronic/viral diseases and manage their symptoms." (The food I was consuming was whole food in a capsule.)

I fairly immediately started feeling better. My iron (which had been low enough that I had gotten 3 infusions in the previous couple of years) actually went UP for the first time. I was sleeping well and feeling great. So I decided I would just start the race and see what happened...

On NO training, I finished. It wasn't pretty but it was within the cutoff time! That experience emboldened me. But following that race, I was (once again) up and down with fitness...then we went to Colorado Springs for 6 weeks. Just before we left I needed another iron infusion. While we were there I tried to build up my running miles because we were signed up for the Boston Marathon (I was doing the virtual on the course, Dwayne was doing the real race)...it was held in October last year due to a postponement from Covid.

Shockingly, with my longest run being about 13 miles I finished in my best marathon time since before the brain disease!!

With that success in my back pocket, I signed up for the Little Rock Marathon the following spring. But, thanks to VERY bad information at the pre-race early start meeting, I ended up DNFing.

Fueled by a DNF fire, I started swimming again consistently in April of 2022 thinking I would sign up for another 70.3 but I wasn't sure which one. Then I started running more consistently. 

And my fitness FINALLY seemed like it was going to catch on! 

Several friends were headed to Memphis for the 70.3 so in May I decided to pull the trigger and sign up...and actually TRAIN.

See, I don't like to let adversity stop me. I don't like to let circumstances stop me. I believe completely God created me for endurance sport. I LOVE it. I love everything about it. I don't always love training because sometimes that is hard. And I have been very scared of flaring up the brain disease...I NEVER want to go back to that again and I NEVER want to have to be back on steroids again. Until the day God impresses upon me to stop I will keep running the race set before me with endurance so as to win the prize.

I keep pressing, even if I end up falling a bit behind with each step...hoping eventually my efforts will result in forward progress!

This is why I have already signed up for IMChoo 144.6 in September 2023. Ten years after my first full IM I will (God willing) complete my third.

Memphis 70.3 race recap coming up....

Putting the Last Bit of Hay in the Barn

In exactly one month I'll be "competing" in IM70.3 Memphis. I say "competing" because I've been (sort of) training for this race. I won't be competitive in the grand scheme of things-not against any other person in the race...but I will be competing against the voice in my head...okay, voiceS, plural. 

A couple of months ago I had made up my mind to train hard but life gets in the way when training isn't a top priority. But I have been at least sort of training. I'm swimming regularly, running 2-3 times a week, and riding my bike at least once a week (ugh). It's not the full-blown training plan I intended when I finally pulled the trigger and signed up for this race, but it's more than I've done consistently since 2015 when I was training for IMChoo.

I'm not as ready as I would like, but I still have a month to go. 

Let me be clear--you should not/can not train for a 70.3 in a month. But that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying I intend to get the last bit of "hay in the barn" before race day by being very intentional about what I'm doing. Last year when I did IM70.3 Choo I had done MUCH less before race day and I at least finished and I felt good the next day (other than a blister on my foot). My time was just barely less than the cutoff time, but I made it.

My A goal for this race is around 6:30. Looking at what I've been doing in training I think it's possible...not highly likely but possible. More likely my time will be between 6:45-7, but even that is huge given all that I've been through the last 7 years.

I still can't believe it's been that long since I started having big noticeable issues, but it was the fall of 2015.

For a while I thought it was just going to be a minor setback. I thought it was going to be like a minor injury that would resolve fairly quickly and I'd be back to my "normal" self, training and racing. My plan when I finished IMLT in 2013 was to do an Ironman every other year. But that plan was completely derailed. There was a time when I questioned if I'd ever be able to return to endurance sports.  Then it became apparent that I could "participate" in events with longer cutoff times, I questioned if I'd ever be able to "really race" again, 

But here I am!

One of the biggest things that has changed has been my thyroid meds.

When I was first having issues in the fall of 2015 I was on Synthroid. Somewhere along the way I switched to Tirosint (a more pure form of T4). Then after I finished the steroid treatments I was on a quest to figure out why my brain was attacked and ended up seeing a doctor in Kansas who put me on a desiccated thyroid hormone (first NatureThroid then Armour) which is a natural T4/T3 compound. But after a couple of years I realized what I was doing wasn't working as well as I wanted it to so I switched back to my local endocrinologist who put me back on Tirosint. But it didn't take long for me to see that wasn't the answer either. He ended up sending me to a different doctor who put me on a synthetic T4/T3 compound where he controlled the amounts of each I was getting. He also prescribed LDN (a medication that is meant to fight general autoimmunity).

At the same time I also got another iron infusion and I started eating Juice Plus. I almost immediately felt better. But I didn't get repeat blood work for my thyroid...fast forward to that fall (2021)...

We got to go out to Colorado Springs for 6 weeks. Just before we left I got another iron infusion. While we were there I started noticing a MARKED improvement in how I was feeling. Then the month after we got back (after I did the Boston (virtual) Marathon-on the course) I got covid.

My immune system went completely haywire. When I got my thyroid numbers checked they were WAY WAY WAY off (VERY high antibodies, high TSH, low T4, low T3). We figured it was due to covid and he increased my LDN. But that didn't work. So he increased my T4 and T3. But that still hasn't completely worked (my numbers are still not where they need to be).

I think my thyroid hasn't ever really been "right". I think it was close but not really ideal between late 2010 and fall 2015. But I don't think it's been even close since then. I don't think it's really good even now.

The thyroid impacts EVERY SINGLE CELL in your body! It regulates the rate your cells use energy. So if the thyroid isn't working properly you might be either amped up (hyperthyroid) or sluggish (hypothyroid). 

So, in the analogy of putting hay in the barn (training)...if the thyroid is slow to produce or if it isn't converting what your body makes (T4) into what your body uses (T3) then you will not be producing much hay, not matter what you try to do...the hay is going to be VERY SLOW GROWING and you'll be able to store VERY LITTLE of it in the barn. Now, I think I'm doing better than I have been in a VERY LONG TIME, but I'm still not where I need to be.

But I'm so much farther along than I have been in the last 7 years! I've FINALLY started losing weight...I'm at my lowest weight since early 2016. I'm running better than I have since like fall of 2015! My swim is not great...I don't understand why but it's just not. I'm attributing it to a lack of upper body strength which is the most likely culprit. My bike is "fine"...but I REALLY need to put more time in the saddle. The hard part about bike training is that Dwayne REALLY does not want me riding anywhere except the Arsenal-that makes it nearly impossible to get good miles in. I do have a trainer, but it's a PAIN to take the back tire on and off...(excuses excuses...)

Well...I have one more month until race day! By this time a month from now I should be on the run (I better be on the run by now!). I'm so stinking excited!

Lucky Number 13

 Memorial Day marked my 13th running of the Cotton Row 10K (sort of...thanks to Covid there was not a race in 2020 but I ran "most of" the course...last year the race was postponed from Memorial Day to Labor Day...thankfully I ran it on Memorial Day because we were "living in" Colorado Springs on Labor Day!)

Cotton Row 10K is the only 10K race I've done, and I've done it every year since I really started running! (Well, I did run a 10K at the end of Rocket Man Olympic distance triathlon, but I don't count that!)

This year was the first year in a LONG time that I went in having been consistently running. My expectations were still very low though because I had not many hills and my endurance had not really been tested in a while. My A goal going in was 1:15 or better (about a 12min pace), my B goal was to just finish.

Dwayne was announcing the race so we drove separately that morning. I had volunteered to get the awards so I did still get there earlier than I might have if I was "just" running but not as early as Dwayne got there! Since I had several boxes to carry over to the awards tent I got to park fairly close which was very helpful since I made a few trips back and forth. It was already getting hot but it didn't seem as hot as years past.

After I worked with another volunteer to line out all the awards I went to the bathroom and lined up in about the middle of the pack. It was nice to hear Dwayne's voice booming over the speakers! 

This race is special in that, because it's on Memorial Day, they have a pre-race program that honors our fallen soldiers. This year marks the 50th "anniversary" of the Viet Nam war so the main speaker was the daughter of an MIA soldier from that war. She had a gripping story to tell. This was the very first year it seemed EVERYONE in the crowd was silent as she talked about her father. They called veterans to salut and then played taps -- that gets me every time I hear it. After "America the Beautiful" we were off.

My plan going in was to NOT run with anyone else, but to just do my own thing-ideally working to do my very best ....

I can NEVER say/think/hear that phrase without thinking of this scene from Facing the Giants...

...anyway...My plan was to give my "very best" and see what that might end up being. 

CR10K is an interesting race. The first 3 miles are basically uphill culminating in "the hill", then the last 3 are basically downhill. Because of that, it's crucial that I not go out too hard on the front half so I will have gas in the tank to really fly on the back half. So I wore one earphone and played music that I could sing to! A friend passed me and asked how on earth I was singing so I explained I was running intervals and trying to keep gas in the tank. I saw her a few times but at some point she passed me and was gone.

I saw another friend, the gal I leap-frogged with at Cookie Dash...she is older than me but she is an awesome runner. She had no idea I decided I was "racing" her but when she said she was taking her first walk break I decided that's exactly what was going down-I wanted to finish in front of her somehow.

Here's the thing-I had no idea if she was injured, tired, training for something else, running both the 10K and 5K afterward...I just knew from experience that she is faster than me on any given day so I wanted to try to "race" her to give me someone to compete with. It would have been much more meaningful if she was a willing competitor, but that wasn't the point for me...I just wanted someone to "target"...and it worked. 

Up until the first decent incline (when my friend took her first walk break and I was taking my 5h!) I was trying to maintain a 3-4 minute run and a 1 minute walk interval. After that however my intervals devolved into "by feel/by hill". But I believed once I go over the major climb I'd be able to pick up the pace so I wasn't horribly upset.

I got through the first 5K right at 35 minutes. I was on track to slay my 1:15 or less goal since I believed I would negative split the race. I felt STRONG going up Mountainwood...a little too strong if I'm being honest. But I had not done any kind of speed work or hills (other than one interval run several weeks before with a friend who is running MUCH faster than me, but I felt like that was a one-off and she was pacing/pushing me).

On the way down Bankhead I opened myself up just a little bit and it felt GLORIOUS!!! It reminded me of the good old days when I could run fast! I only got down to about an 8:17 pace but it felt wonderful the short time I ran it. I actually had a 10 minute SOLID run!! After that I started the negotiations with my interval. It wasn't as hot as it has been in the past, but it was pretty darn hot out. Other than a couple of intervals I was feeling too good to walk I pretty much ran the last 1.8 miles as 1 minute of running and :30 walking. I took my last walk break with a half mile to go and then made up my mind to run it in from there.

When I rounded the last corner I heard Dwayne cheering for me and then saw him running beside me a little bit. I immediately got worried because he still hasn't recovered from knee surgery so he should NOT have been running! He only went a few yards with me and then encouraged me to pick it up to the finish line!

I got my pace down to a whopping 6:16 for the final few yards!!! The back half was right at 5 minutes faster than the front half!! With a finish that strong I probably held a little too much in reserve, but I ended up with my FOURTH fastest Cotton Row time EVER--1:05!! Here's the thing...I've only ever broken an hour one time, and the other two times I was working HARD to break an hour so I was just seconds over an hour both times. To be THAT close to my best times was HUGE!! (My next closest time was 1:06 in 2014 and then 1:12 in 2015 (that was the year I "ran" with Dwyane who ended up SICK with the flu that night!). 

The bigger shock was after I finished the race I was able to work the awards (which is a production since there are 2 races to give awards for) and I NEVER felt tired, stiff or sore even one time!!!

I was SO PLEASED with this race!! And, I honestly felt like I was actually "racing". Unlike Cookie Dash where I was convinced every single person was leaving me in their dust, I felt STRONG in this race and I passed SEVERAL people toward the end....including passing my own expectations of myself which is the most important win of the day!

The women in my age group are FAST so I ended up 24th out of 56 (still in the top 50% - YAY)! I was 742nd out of 1284 listed finishers (so not in the top 50% overall, but close enough for me!). I have no way to know what place I was among the females...results aren't broken down that way.

Overall I am THRILLED!!! This gave me the confidence to move forward with full on training for my next big adventure-Ironman 70.3 Memphis on October 1st!! I pulled the trigger and paid my money a couple of weeks ago and laid out my training plan. I've been very consistent in execution so far and I'm feeling stronger every day!! My swim is incredibly slow, but I started strength training today to help that along. Dwayne bought some new race wheels for my bike and power pedals ((that is the pedals will tell me the watts I am generating, not that they are powered LOL)). (It sounds like he was being really nice but the truth is I let him "borrow" my race wheels with a power tap hub and he didn't want to give them back!! But he could have given them back and then bought new ones for himself so he really was being super supportive and nice! He also bought me a super awesome Garmin for my bike that allows me to have maps and data in my face instead of just on my watch!)

I am just so encouraged and hopeful about what this summer will bring!!! 

Stay tuned!!

I am a Boston Marathoner

 I have put off writing about my last "event" for a couple of reasons. First of all after I finished it I've been either crazy busy or sick. But more than that I've had a very hard time "processing" all that went into completing the event and all the emotions it stirred up for me.

I should have put a spoiler alert before the title...in case you didn't guess it, the last event I completed was the (Virtual) Boston Marathon.

Back in April I found out the Boston Marathon was going to have a hybrid event this year (part virtual and part in person). They were opening up registration to ANYONE for the virtual event so I decided I wanted to register!

Let me back up just a half-step. I'm guessing everyone knows Boston Marathon is a race that you either have to qualify for with a VERY fast time at a qualifying marathon, or you have to be a fundraiser to get one of the few "charity" slots. But this year I was going to be able to get a coveted unicorn medal by completing the marathon distance on Boston Marathon weekend and submitting my time.

I conned convinced a friend to register with me and then, because she and I both love to travel we decided it would be super cool to run our virtual race ON the actual course! I reached out to a friend of ours who is one of the key coordinators for the marathon and asked if running on the course was even possible. He not only said yes, but he also offered one "non-qualifying" slot for the race. Since I had conned convinced my friend to register for the virtual I graciously let Dwayne take advantage of the actual race entry. And then we starting making our plans to go to Boston!

The following month I (shockingly) completed IMChoo 70.3. (Side note: I just realized that I never completed my in depth race recap but instead stopped with the bike portion of the race...I'll have to go back to that at some point but the reason I didn't complete that recap is similar to why I've had such a hard time completing this one...)

After registering for the Virtual Boston Marathon, I joined a FaceBook group with other virtual participants and quickly realized I was in the minority regarding one fairly big "issue". 

I was unwilling to call myself a Boston Marathoner in any way. I wasn't going to say "I'm training to run the Boston Marathon". I also wouldn't buy any Boston Marathon gear, and certainly not a "celebration jacket". While others were excited to be participating in the "Boston Marathon" I refused to see it from that perspective. I was simply participating in a virtual marathon...granted I was going to run the actual course, but it still was NOT the same thing.

Boston IS exclusive. It's not a lottery system where you just apply to get a slot and they randomly draw names. You have to QUALIFY. And, in the last several years, just running a "qualifying time" hasn't been good enough to get a slot. Let's say they are letting in 50K runners to the event. They will open registration first for runners who bested their qualifying time by say 10 minutes. Then they will open if for runners who beat their time by say 5 minutes... If all the slots are filled then they shut down registration. So in order to really guarantee a slot, you would have to run MUCH faster than just a BQ time (or raise a lot of money for charity).

I like it that way. I think it makes Boston special. It gives marathoners something to strive for, something to work to acheive. It's not just random luck. You are either working hard to run and race fast, or you are working hard to raise a lot of money for a charity. There are, however, a lot of people who don't agree with that process. There were a lot of people on that group page that expressed a thought process completely opposite (basically anyone should get to run Boston). My thoughts put me in the minority (at least in relationship to the vocal people on that page). 

Training for me was not going as well as I wanted it to go. I had been battling low iron and switching thyroid meds around the time of my 70.3. Then, we got to go out to Colorado Springs in August/September for six weeks thanks to Dwayne's job. That was WONDERFUL but it also meant I was sort of starting from scratch with training since we'd be at altitude. I told my friend I wouldn't be able to keep up with her pace and that I would likely have to walk most of the distance. 

But then something wonderful happened. My training got solid at the end of that 6 weeks! I walk/ran 9.5 miles our final weekend there and then when we got back I did something I haven't done in like 6 years...I ran a solid 3.5 miles without walking!!!!

But...let's be clear, 9.5 miles of walk/running and 3.5 miles of solid running is NOT solid marathon training. But we got home about 2 weeks befor Boston Weekend. It was pretty much all I was going to get.

Let me just say if ANYONE ever asks me if they should try to complete a marathon with 9.5 miles as their longest run I will say no. At the same time, I've completed several marathons, 3 50Ks, 3 70.3s and 2 Ironmans. I do understand endurance events. And I do understand my body. I knew I could walk the 26.2 miles if I needed to and I knew I wasn't going to risk injury. So instead of backing out I set out to get my virtual medal on Saturday morning of Boston Weekend. (My friend had to back out of going for a number of reasons so it was just me and all the other virtual runners who were running the course on Saturday (I had a friend who came from North Carolina with a friend of hers but I figured they would be running much faster than I was going to be able to go so I didn't even try to stay with them).

The Boston course is point-to-point and pretty much downhill the whole way...except for the infamous "Newton Hills" that start about mile 19ish. Those hills culminate with "Heartbreak Hill". Even the downhill sections have little rollers along the way, but it's generally an easy downhill slope most of the way.

Just being out there was AMAZING! The people of Boston and the surrounding towns are unlike any I have experienced in big cities. They are warm and welcoming and just NICE. The race was celebrating it's 125th running!!! I think because of that people have embraced the race as part of their culture. Cars went out of their way to give runners room! People honked encouragement instead of irritation (you could tell because they would wave and smile or roll their windows down to cheer!).

The plan was that Dwayne would be my rolling aid station, leap frogging me along the way with water and Maurten gels. I starting getting nervous when I didn't see him at mile 2, then 3. But then about mile 4 I saw him! And then like clockwork about every 2-3 miles he was there! I saw maybe 100 other runners out there doing the same thing I was doing. And there were a few spectators out there watching their people, cheering us all on.

But, it never entered my mind that I was running "THE Boston Marathon"...I was running the Boston course...but not the actual marathon.

I was running MUCH stronger than I had any right to run. I finished MUCH stronger than I had any right to finish with a time of 5:47. That's my fastest marathon since having brain disease, on MUCH less training. I was depleted at the end but it was one of those moments that I was in shock at what I had just accomplished. 

But I didn't think for one second "I'm a Boston Marathoner"...I thought "I just ran 26.7 miles* on the Boston Marathon course and finished a virtual marathon. (When you run the actual course you get to run on the roads. As a person "just" running the course it was a longer distance between the start and finish lines-that shows the importance of running tangents!) I did immediately go buy a "celebration jacket" to celebrate what I had just accomplished but my intention was to have "Virtual Finisher" embroidered on it just so there was no confusion that I did not in fact run the actual Boston Marathon.

The following Monday Dwayne ran the actual race and, while he didn't meet his personal goal, he did well...and ended up spending about 90 minutes in medical afterward (depleted of electrolytes and a bit under-hydrated). He was a Boston Marathoner...I was not.

Following that amazing weekend there was a little "debate" on the FB group about this very sort of thing. People were calling themselves "Boston Marathoners" and wearing their jackets proudly. I (and a few other likeminded vocal individuals) countered that thought process. I basically said earlier in this post...Boston IS special. Boson finishers ARE special. We, as virtual finishers, aren't THAT. We are different. I made a post about it on the page, explaining why I was going to "alter" my jacket, expecting to be pounced on. 

Instead, an interesting thing happened. Some people agreed with me, but the ones who didn't (mostly) explained to me why they felt like I was wrong. To them Boston welcomed us in as part of the family. Moreover, they said, Boston is a spirit more than a race. Sure, in every previous year the only runners able to run the race were either fast or fundraisers, but this year the BAA opened it's doors and let in the "commoner". Me altering my jacket to specify "VIRTUAL FINISHER" was a way for me to segregate myself away from the "real" Boston finishers. To segregate myself was me saying I'm not good enough not them saying I wasn't welcome. 

I chewed on that for a while and then refocused on other things...life got busy and then I got Covid. I had a "mild" case but I was still in the bed for about a week. And then I had what the doctors think was either a kidney stone or an infection, or both. (I'm still dealing with this actually.)

Saturday I got a box from the BAA with my virtual medal and a post card... as I started to read the card I broke down into uncontrollable sobs...

Did you see that? 

"Dear Boston Marathoner"

I am part of the family. I'm not a step child. I'm not a third cousin. I'm not an interloper. In the eyes of the BAA, I'm a Boston Marathoner. They are the ones who get to decide; it's their race after all. Or is it? Maybe they recognize that this race is bigger than any entity. Boston signifies the spirit of the marathoner: perseverance, dedication, endurance...

I am a Boston Marathoner. I will celebrate by wearing my jacket with pride!

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!

What Just Happened

 I remember my first and only real car wreck. I was taking my kids to see Pocahontas. It was a Monday. We'd all been in a bit of a funk all day. My husband had gone to work at the Sherrif's department (as a dispatcher). We got to the end of our road and my not-quite 3 year old son told me to turn left! Grandma's house was left, the movie theater was right. I remember being in shock that he knew "left". I told him we were turning right to go to the movies. As we were driving it started to rain, REALLY HARD. The road went down a hill and curved to the right, but my car wasn't turning to the right...we were going basically straight...and headed straight toward an 18 wheeler coming the opposite direction! I remember saying "oh no oh no oh no" and then CRASH. That was 26 years ago. I can still hardly believe it happened the way it did.

I think Sunday's race will be like that for me as well.

If you had asked me a couple of months ago if I was going to toe the start line I would have told you I didn't think I would. I have been battling exhaustion and NO POWER. At that time I hadn't been able to swim more than 1000 yards, all with fins, broken up into 50 or 100 yard intervals and all of them VERY slow. I haven't been on my real bike AT ALL in I don't even know how long. (I just looked at my data-it was March 3rd and it was a 45 minute trainer ride.) I had not been running much at all, and no more than a few miles at at time (walk/run). If I were coaching me I would have told me it wasn't a good idea for me to attempt at 70.3 with my lack of training and preparation. 

But I knew I wouldn't push to the point of risking injury. I believed the worst that could happen would be a DNF. That would be bad, but maybe not as bad as the feeling of giving up on myself before I even started! A couple of months ago I wasn't sure.

But then in the middle of March I started eating Juice Plus. After about a week I seemed to have AMAZING energy. I didn't capitalize on that energy for training because I still wasn't sure I would attempt the race I had signed up for about 18 months ago. I used that newfound energy to work in my yard every day, still not knowing if I would toe the line. 

I noticed that my swims got a little better, my runs got a little better and my Spin class power got a little (or a lot) better, but I didn't have time to "train" so I still wasn't sure if I would attempt the race. I've never experienced a DNF but I've seen what it has done to friends. At the same time, it's not like I had been giving all I have to training so if I didn't finish then I would say "well, of course I didn't finish...that's what happens when you don't train!"

So I pulled the trigger and put it out there that I was absolutely going to at least start the race and see what happened. I don't remember ever being THAT nervous before a race. It wasn't so much that I wouldn't finish...I was afraid that I would get hurt. More than that I was afraid that I would give up. But I wouldn't know unless I tried.

I was incredibly thankful to have friends and family with me for the whole thing-pre-race, race day and afterward. I was just as thankful for all the friends and family who wished me well on Facebook and via direct messages.

I'm still processing all that happened before and during the race, and working through all of it will take a little while (and several blog posts!) but, unlike the way I felt after my car wreck, I feel AMAZING today! Yesterday (the day after the race) I didn't even physically feel like I did a hard thing, other than 2 blisters on the bottom of my right foot. Today my shins are just a TAD sore.

Oh...and I can't even begin to process my brother-in-law finishing his first 70.3 in just over 7 hours on almost no training at all! (He's a BEAST on the bike but he had COVID several months ago and had some lingering cardiac symptoms from it. He had done two short practice swims in open water but this was his first triathlon. Did I mention he has really bad knees? And my husband was only about 2 minutes behind--and ran the last couple of miles at like a 9:00 pace! (He did train, but NOT the way I would have coached him!)

We all finished. I'm not in shock they finished. They are both VERY strong. Like I said, my BIL is a BEAST on the bike and my husband trained. I am in shock that I finished and within the cutoff time!

I'll break it all down in the coming days. Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!

Steps to Success

A friend of mine posted this on FaceBook today and it really got me to thinking. 

Each of these steps are crucial in the ladder to success.

That first step is a total deal-breaker. I won't is pretty much a non-starter if you decide you simply will NOT do something. Go find another set of stairs for heaven's sake!!

Step 2: If you believe you can't do something, even if you actually DO the thing you won't own it. I remember when I told my running friends I wanted to run a 5K in under 30 minutes. They laughed at me because our training runs were generally faster than that pace. But I didn't really believe them. Until I decided to believe it was in fact possible, I was stuck on that step. Believing you have the ability to succeed doesn't mean you want to put in the work or that you know how....it just means that you believe it's possible.

Step 3: Making the decision that you WANT to do something really amounts to a dream. It's not a goal until you move on to the planning and working phases. But really solidifying in your mind that you absolutely DO WANT to do this thing ...and more importantly WHY you want to do this thing is such an important step that can not be overlooked. I have realized in the last 10 years I really do NOT enjoy riding my bike up (or even down) steep hills. I put myself through training and completing a grueling first Ironman that had BRUTAL hills on the bike course but I never really WANTED to ride hills. So for my second Ironman I chose a course with rollers instead of steep climbs. When you REALLY do not want to do something, you "can" get past this step with sufficient enticement, but it will be like pulling a heavy suitcase up stairs...you'll bump along with no ease or enjoyment unless you embrace the wanting. 

Let me give an example. I THINK I'd really like to train to do another Ironman. If I'm dreaming I THINK I would like to do Lake Placid. That bike course supposedly has about 8300 feet of gain on the bike course. It's not nearly as hard as Lake Tahoe's bike course was, but it's tough. If I decide I really will train for it, and that I really can do it, then I am going to need to embrace WANTING to train and race hills on the bike. OR I have to WANT to finish IMLP so much that I will gut out the hills on the bike with no enjoyment at all of the process.

IMLP elevation

IMLT '13 elevation

"I want this end so I'll suffer through the means to get there" really isn't pleasant. Just decide to WANT the means as much as the end. That doesn't mean the thing you WANT is going to be fun, and it certainly doesn't mean it won't be hard, but those aren't prerequisites to something you want!

Moving on to Step Three. Oh step three. "How do I do it?" Honestly, this is probably one of my favorite steps. That's why I'm a coach. I generally enjoy learning things almost as much as I enjoy teaching/coaching them!

Not everyone is like this. Very strong-willed and/or very accomplished people do not often like admitting they don't know HOW to do something. When my daughter was little I wanted to teach her to tie her shoes. She pushed me away and said "I do it myself". She didn't KNOW HOW to tie her shoes, but she wasn't interested in learning. It caused her a great deal of frustration.

I've tried to give swim lessons to kids like this. It never goes very well for either of us. For some kids it's a matter of trusting me/trusting the process. For others, it's about control. There's a girl I've worked with a couple of times who will NOT allow me to touch her when she's trying to float on her back. Now, she hasn't yet learned how to float on her back and she's as tense as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. If you know anything about floating on your back it requires you to relax in a very vulnerable position (head back, body out flat). This girl says she WANTS to learn, but she's unwilling to ask HOW or accept ANY help at all. People like that usually have a lot of "failures" along the way to get to that top step because they have to learn by making a lot of mistakes. It's like they want to reinvent the wheel by coming up with their own way to get to their goal.

Once you've decided you will do something, you believe you can, you inject sufficient desire and you LEARN how to do something, it's time to get to work trying to complete the task! Sometimes you are lucky and this step is easy. I'm going to say if you try and you immediately get to the next step you probably didn't set a challenging goal for yourself! A "FAILure" is really just a First Attempt At Learning! When a goal is difficult, there might be many attempts at learning! There's a reason the saying is "If at first you don't succeed, try, TRY again." (Instead of there being only one "try"...get it?)

That brings us to Step 6....you have learned how to do the thing you want to do, so know you know you CAN do it, right? Nope. Remember my story about the 30 minute 5K? Even showing me data that I had done this in training didn't get me to the "I can do it" step. I stayed on the "I will try" step for a while until I fully embraced "I CAN DO IT"....but just knowing you can doesn't mean you WILL. That's the next step...setting out to make the goal a reality.

Here's the cold hard truth. You might stumble up and down these steps a hundred times trying to reach the  very top ("I did it") step. You might, like most people, get stuck on a certain step (or three) along the way. You might camp out for a long while before you finally move on, or you might decide you want to move to a whole other set of stairs. 

Just wanting something is not enough to actually make it happen...

Thanks for stopping by and sticking around.

Make it a great day!

Fire and Rain

Dwayne wrote a book before I met him and he's re-written it many times since then. It's almost not even the same book anymore. The working title at one time was "Fire and Rain". It's a really good book but not why I'm writing this post.

Yesterday I ran the Monte Sano 15K. It's the third time I've run that race, but this year there was a totally new course. In 2011, the first time I ran it, I finished in 1:24:49 (9:06 pace). (I raced it as part of my training to run my first marathon. Just a few weeks later I raced the Huntsville Half Marathon in 1:56:30 (8:54 pace).) The following year I ran with a friend and athlete I was coaching as part of her training plan. I think we finished in something like 1:35.

Yesterday I was thrilled to finish it in just under 2 hours (just over a 12 minute pace).

In Dwayne's book there is a part where a village gets completely decimated by a fire. Two of the villagers are awakened the next morning by raindrops hitting their faces.

Yesterday as we were waiting for the race to start we heard a rumor...the race was going to be delayed by about 20 minutes because there had been a fire on the course that was going to alter the route. My first thought was the poor people whose house was on fire. I didn't care much about the race at that point. But since I'm not a fire fighter, there wasn't anything I could do to help put the fire out. It wouldn't help that poor family if I decided to get back in the car and go home. Just moments later it started to sprinkle rain. As a race director I really felt bad for the RD...fire and rain on top of having to run on a new course this year, on top of it being the coldest day we've had since like April. Poor guy.

Race directors are first and foremost problem solvers. Sure there are hundreds (if not thousands) of details to attend to in order to pull off a race, but the main duty is to solve problems. Cooler weather and rain isn't really an RDs problem (at least not for a 15K...a longer distance race has to deal with issues like hypothermia-for your participants and volunteers). Fire on the course is a MAJOR issue-you not only have to reroute the runners, you have to make sure everyone is on the same page (police, aid stations, split timers). About 20 minutes after the originally planned start we found out they were returning to the original course, but about 15 minutes or so later still.

I had asked Dwayne to run with me, to pace me to a faster finish than I would have had if I were alone. I signed us up before really thinking about the fact that he had not run longer than about 4 miles since he broke his ankle (in May) and I had not run more than 5 miles since like April. I signed us up when I was feeling pretty spunky. I signed us up because the race was going to be on a new course and they were, for the first time ever, giving out medals!! (I'm all about the bling!) But by the time race morning rolled around I was really nervous. Would we be injured? Would I even be able to finish? I've been EXHAUSTED lately. Like bone weary tired. (Auto immune fatigue is unlike any other fatigue you can ever even imagine unless you've been through it.) Was a silly medal even worth it? NINE POINT THREE MILES.

Then there was the fire. Then there was the rain. (Okay, it didn't really RAIN, it sprinkled...and it didn't last long.)

After some announcements that could not be heard by anyone except the runners in the very front, the gun went off and we were moving. I had told Dwayne I really wanted to run 3 minutes walk 1minute...no matter what. But just as we started he suggested that, because the course is rolling, we should keep that interval, but also run any downhill. I begrudgingly agreed. I had to laugh because I remembered telling my friend/athlete that her plan was to charge every UPhill and coast flats and downs.

As we started my left shin started complaining. I knew I just had to stretch it. I didn't do ANY kind of warm up and I had not run in over a week. Heck, I had not done any real exercise in over a week because I had been traveling. I knew once I warmed up it would (probably) be just fine.

We started playing leapfrog with the other intervalers. Dwayne was certainly pushing the run pace faster than I would have. I didn't look until just now, but our running pace averaged about 10:30-11/mile. My left foot hurt...like felt like it was on FIRE...my legs got seriously tired...my left glute muscles felt like they were on revolt. I felt dizzy a few times. I seriously doubted if I would be able to finish...but only for a fleeting moment. I've never quit a race I've started. (There have been races I haven't started, but I've never quit.)

The course was really fantastic. It's rolling and winding and you are almost always seeing the runners who are ahead or behind you. I kept telling myself that my A goal for next spring is to run a faster Knoxville...but as I was running I felt silly for even setting the goal in the first place.


In Dwayne's book the two villagers who survived the fire were completely changed by it. The rain the next morning was like a new fresh start for both of them. But it's not like they just left their old lives behind, forgotten.


I'm not going to lie...I'm still holding on to my "old life" (pre brain disease). That life when I trained hard and was able to set goals and race. I keep thinking that I will get back to that athlete I was. I just have to be patient. But the truth is, just like in Dwayne's book...I really need to start accepting that I won't ever be the same. When we were waiting for the race to start yesterday morning, we didn't know what was going to happen...would the course change? How long would we be delayed? Would it rain harder?  There was no reason to believe the race wouldn't happen, it just might not look exactly like we expected. There's no reason to believe I have to give up "training" and "races" but I need to start realizing I am dealing with a new reality now.

I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. And I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I'd see you again.

It might seem silly...but I'm sad.  And, at the same time I'm not fully ready to let go of what I want. I want to compete. I want to train. I want to have a faster Knoxville. I want to finish IMChoo 70.3 in May in under 6:30. I want to compete in another IM. I want to BQ. I want to run a 50 miler and a Hundred.

I just don't know what's the right thing to hold on to.

I think the answer is to be patient in the not knowing. To keep looking forward (not back) and to keep pressing onward. Just like in yesterday's race. I didn't know what might happen, but I knew I wasn't going to quit.

I actually finished quite strong. I was able to push the pace the last .1 mile from a 9:30 pace down to an 8:14. That doesn't make me sad at all.



Thanks for stopping by and sticking around.

Winning Silver

The Alabama State Games are going on in Huntsville this week. Sunday was the first ever State Games 5K!

I had not planned on running it. I was supposed to be directing the Youth Triathlon Saturday. Race directing usually zaps me so I had not signed up. Plus, I was thinking I might be needed as a volunteer. But because registration for the youth tri was super low, and the weather wasn't cooperative, my race was officially cancelled Wednesday night....and the 5K RD told me she had enough volunteers...so I decided I would do the 5K.

As of Friday there were only about 20 people signed up for the race so there was a very good chance I was going to qualify for Nationals (by default) depending on who showed up. I figured with my luck I would be the 4th in my age group to sign up and therefore NOT qualify. I could have easily found out but I didn't want to. I wanted to just show up, do my best, and let the outcome be what it would be.

I have had this nagging cough since back before the Give it Back Track 5K. In fact, my throat got sore the Thursday before the race. I was then diagnosed with (possible) walking pneumonia. (The dr didn't test me for it, she based her assessment on symptoms and the fact that no other meds, even a steroid shot, were working.) I thought I was getting better after Cotton Row but I still have these random coughing fits. Nothing seems to help and it's seriously driving me crazy. It seems to be worse at night. Consequently I didn't sleep well the night before the race. When I was up about an hour before my alarm, I almost turned it off to try to get some more sleep. But I quickly remembered that I actually really wanted to run this 5K.

The course started at the Rocket Center and ran down past Aviation Challenge and to the Botanical Gardens then back, finishing by going through the Rocket Park. This course is almost identical to what the high school kids bike in the Kids Fly Tri, and is similar to part of the Rocket City Marathon course. I knew the part from AC to the Gardens is a steady uphill and there are some little stingers (for me) at some other points. But it's a really fun course overall.

I'm not a fan of really small races. More often than not I like interacting with spectators. But my goal for this race was to try to run the whole thing (no matter how slow) and to give my very best effort. Sometimes when there are a lot of people (participants or spectators) I can get too interactive! I figured I would be last, or close to last, in this little race since I didn't figure many slower runners would sign up for a "State Games" race. I had decided that was going to have to be okay. SOMEONE  has to be last. And, in this race "last" was still going to be "21st overall" which sounds VERY impressive! :D

So I got up and showered (my usual pre-race ritual even though I know I'll get nasty/sweaty/stinky during the race I like to start out very fresh)! I ate a banana and headed to the Rocket Center. I got my bib and went to warm up. It was SO HUMID outside it felt like I was breathing water! Overall I felt sluggish but my legs were turning over better than they were a few months ago so I was at least hopeful.

With very little fanfare we were off promptly at 7am. 21 people at the start of a race feels like a very small fun run but with less talking and laughing! The only ones talking were two moms running with 2 little boys in the back with me. They were obviously just out for a fun run with their sons.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again...I ALWAYS race, even if I'm just "completing". I tend to think everyone does but maybe I'm wrong. My secondary goal (after "run the whole time") was to finish in front of the four of them! How sad...finish in front of two little boys and their mothers who were obviously capable of much faster running. But, goals are goals!

Little kids are funny...they "always" start off WAY too fast. These boys were no exception. Because I really didn't want to be dead last from the start, I was sticking with them. When I looked down at my watch about .25 in and saw a 9:xx pace I panicked a little bit. I knew I couldn't hold that. I knew hills were coming. I knew that was going against the number one thing on my "do not do" list...DO NOT start out too fast! In fact I started in the back trying to not let the adrenaline of the start of a race get me carried away. Yet, here I was running WAY faster than I had any business starting out. But yet I couldn't bring myself to slow down!! When we got to the first little increase in elevation the little boys fell back and I settled in.

Did I mention how HOT it was? Holy moly...hot and humid don't mix well. I do not regulate heat very well...thanks to my janky thyroid. Because of this* I have taken to running in a sports bra with no shirt. I have found I REALLY love the air on my stomach and it actually seems to make a BIG difference! But, because the race bib was so tiny I couldn't use my race belt. And because I wasn't thinking about taking my shirt off I had pinned my bib to my shirt...so I couldn't take it off. I wasn't even to mile one and I was already fading. But I told myself fading was okay, walking was not..."just keep running even if you slow down". I saw Dwayne at the aid station just after mile one. He gave me some good encouragement but I knew what was coming.

It's not a big hill like the one in Cotton Row. It's long and steady. Looking at the elevation profile on Garmin makes it seem like there's not even really an increase. But it's there and it seems like it's never  going to end! (It's actually only about a quarter of a mile long.)

There was another young boy in front of me (I figured he was about 12) who had been walking earlier on a down hill...I told him not to waste the downhill since an uphill was coming. On that uphill he started walking again. I'd like to say I had mercy on him and didn't pass him to save his budding teenage pride. But really I just needed a walk break! I gave myself right at 30 seconds and then started up again. So did he!

We rounded the turnaround corner and headed back. He started walking again (on the downhill). I was close enough to have a little chat with him** so I said "look, I'm an old lady. You don't want me to beat you! And, fair warning...if I'm with you at the finish, I WILL out-kick you, no doubt about it. So if you want to beat me, you have to put time in on me now!" It worked and he started running again...and then he yelled out "OUCH!!" I was about even with him then so I asked if he was okay. He said a leaf hit him in the eye but he was okay as I passed him. I took another little walk break and checked on him ***. He assured me he was fine so I started running again. I didn't see him again after that (until he crossed the finish line...after me).

When I got back to the aid station, I stopped to tell Dwayne how hot it was (he obviously wasn't feeling the same heat I was!) and I poured a cup of water on my neck. Looking at my data, that little thing (stopping for a couple of seconds and the cold water on my neck) dropped my HR seven beats! It didn't stay down though. Two minutes later I told myself I could have my third and last walk break.

It wasn't.

I know the middle of a race is the hardest. You are over the rush of the start and the relief of the end isn't in sight yet. My HR is usually pretty high relative to my pace. That's when I entered into negotiations with my body. "Okay...one more little walk break and then you'll tough it out to the finish, right?" My body gave one of those half-hearted nods but with fingers crossed! After my 4th walk break I entered the rocket park. I knew I only had about 1/2 mile to go at that point. I knew there was one TINY little "hill" going from the shuttle out toward the exit. But I also knew the finish was coming.

And yet, I couldn't hold on. I STARTED WALKING AGAIN. I was internally screaming at myself--"RUN!!! ...I mean...come on! You are at the finish! You CAN do it!" My body was like "..." well, I won't even write what my body was saying but it was obviously NOT going to run.

Until...

I rounded a little corner and heard a familiar voice of a friend yell "come on Dana!"...and just like that my body kicked into gear and started going again...all the way to the finish line...

34:11 by my watch. 10:50 average pace, 10:46 average moving pace. 8:39 best pace (in the first quarter mile no doubt!). Fastest paced run for 3 miles  I've had in over three years. In fact, I had to go back to October of 2015 to find one better! (I've had a couple of shorter faster runs but that's like comparing an apple to an orange.)

When I take a deep dive into my data, I couldn't be more thrilled! It's easy to say "I shouldn't have taken the breaks I did" but the data explains to me what was going on. Sure there's an aspect of mentally being able to push through adversity (just suck it up and be uncomfortable), but given where I've been and looking at all the factors at play...I could NOT be more thrilled with this race!! It's EASY to see why I walked. Every. Single. Time. And it's encouraging to see how my body responded to a decrease in elevation and how it reacted to the breaks (and the water dump!).

My effort landed me a 2nd place age group finish which qualified me for Nationals! (Who cares that it was 2nd of 2 or that it just so happened that EVERYONE who participated qualified because there were no more than 3 participants in any one 10-year age group?!)

I honestly feel like I've finally turned a corner. If I can train through the summer heat, when fall hits I will be ready to rock and roll! (Now I just have to find a race to focus on! Preferably one with more people in it and one where I'm not trying to compete against little boys!)

Thanks for stopping by and sticking around!

Footnotes:
*There was recently a "Bra Squad" run where women were encouraged (if they wanted to) run in just a bra (on top). I didn't get to go to that run but I had run a couple of times without a shirt and have found I like it A LOT. And, this post by a friend of mine after that run was total affirmation that "every body is a running body".

**Honestly, I usually think if I can chat, I'm NOT running as hard as I really can, but after looking at my data, I know what was going on and I like it (I'll explain in a later post).

***I honestly thought he was fading and needed an excuse to let me just pass him already. I didn't think he was really injured or that he needed assistance or I would have stopped.

Will I? I Will...

Tomorrow I WILL complete my 9th straight Cotton Row 10K! I'm making that declaration now to set it in stone. It WILL happen.

my first Cotton Row 10K!

Let me explain by going back in time... For anyone who knows me well or who has been reading my blog, you can skip this recap. But for anyone else, hear me out so you'll have a more complete picture of where I am right now in my journey.

In 2009 I decided I would go from a mostly non-runner to a marathoner (I had tried several times in life to become a runner but it never really stuck). I started training and ran my first CR10K that year, injured (because I went from being a 40 year old "non-runner" to running too many miles too fast!). Fast forward through the years...triathlon training, becoming a coach, IMLT '13, IMChoo '15... I would argue that in 2015 I was in very good physical and mental shape. I had started a kids triathlon team and was race directing a kids triathlon that I had started. I was training HARD for a sub 13 hour IM and hitting most of my training goals. I had a near perfect day and got my goal. Shortly after that I started having weird symptoms. It was a long list of strangeness...that culminated in a diagnosis of Autoimmune Encephalopathy. Before I started steroid treatments I had started weakening and slowing. Autoimmune fatigue is like no other kind of fatigue I've ever experienced. I think at my "worst" I was only able to muster the ability to walk at about a 20 minute pace. Fast forward to when I stopped treatments...I thought I'd be making a swift and full comeback. Fast forward another 18 months to the beginning of this year....

I don't remember when the plan hatched but at some point I had the brilliant idea that my better half and I would participate in three marathons in four weeks. I picked three that had longer cutoffs to increase my chances of making the goal. (We direct the Rocket City Marathon...I wanted to be a Marathon Maniac and we had plans to work the expos of all three races. Does that make it sound better?)

Before the start

Marathon one was the Little Rock Marathon on March 3rd. I grew up in North Little Rock and went to college at UALR. Little Rock is like going home for me. They have a HUGE medal, a GREAT course, and like an 8 hour cut off! Their slogan is "a race for all paces". The back half of the course is HARD with some gnarly hills but I love this race. I did it in 2018 and came in at about 7:45 with a big blister on the bottom of my foot. My A goal was sub 6 for this year, but I didn't (couldn't?) train to that end. My longest run was 17.5 miles and my weekly miles were very low. But I still ended up coming in at 6:04! If I didn't have to visit almost EVERY SINGLE portopottie along the way I would have easily made my goal. (I still don't know what caused the bladder issue...)

One of the other things that made this race hard for me was caused because I FAILED TO READ THE PRE-RACE INSTRUCTIONS!! This is a classic "I've done this race before" mistake. I didn't think I needed to read the pre-race emails. In my defense, I don't think any of their email subject lines highlighted the fact there was new information there to read! (It's weak, I know.) In the past everyone (all paces) started together. This year you had to chose. If you were going to go over 6 hours you were supposed to get a special bib to start early (6am) but if you were going to be 6 or under you were supposed to start at 8am. I was HOPING to be under 6 but I really didn't know. I didn't get the special bib...and didn't really even know about it until the night before. The cutoffs were weird to me because it was supposed to be 8 hours from 6am. That would make it 6 hours from 8am but I had read somewhere it was 6:15 from 8am. I was concerned the whole time that I wasn't going to make it but overall I was very pleased with a 6:04 finish time.

Yes...I wore the Go-Pro!

Two weeks later was the Ashville Marathon. This one is held on the grounds of the Biltmore Estate! It's touted as "America's largest backyard" marathon! I got to run the front half with a friend I had met at RCM this year. When she peeled off, there was only one person in front of me and one person behind me that I could see. I quickly passed the person in front of me...and then found out the SWEEPER was right on my tail! The person who had been behind me caught up and started complaining. We actually had "plenty of time" according to the 7 hour cutoff but because we were the last people in the marathon the sweeper was with "us". He did NOT like that! He kept telling her to back off and saying how rude it was for her to be running with "us". I couldn't get far enough away from that guy! Other than his incessant complaining, that was such a LOVELY course!! The front half is mostly on paved roads but the back half is mostly on dirt roads. It ran through the estate and gardens, and through all the farms and the vineyard! It was so pretty out there! The worst part was the last couple of miles are this LONG out and back through a park. You go RIGHT by the finish like twice. It's so long and straight and flat I wanted to just stop. But I was happy that I passed like 15 people in those last few miles for a 6:15 finish! Again, I was pleased with that overall. I will say the thing I did NOT like about that race was the fact that they had PACKED UP POST RACE FOOD before I got done!!! Dwayne finished at just over 4 hours and they were packing it up THEN!!!

😡😡😡

I also had to pay for my post-race massage! That felt foreign to me since I've never seen that done before. But...it was also the BEST post race massage I've ever had! I was thankful for it because we drove back right after we were done (about 5 hours).

Two weeks after that came the Knoxville Marathon. It's been long enough now I can say I loved that race! That is one HILLY course. Start to finish. Hills. The half splits at like mile 12.5 or something and from then on I was pretty much ALL ALONE. Except there were still people at every aid station with PLENTY of aid and there were STILL people CHEERING on the course!!

I think the thing that hurts is the fact that there are about 2000 people who do the half and only about 600 who do the marathon. I could not get over just how ALONE I was the second half. And, it was so FREAKING HILLY. It was HARD. SO HARD.

At about mile 20 I hated everything (except the AMAZING people who were still out there cheering!) I actually called Dwayne and was talking to him when I realized the course was going onto a HIGHWAY ONRAMP!!! I was telling him I thought maybe he should come get me. I don't think I would have really allowed him to come get me but I really didn't know if I could make it another 6+ miles ALONE.

And then my watch started buzzing...(it's connected to my phone so I can see my texts). Apparently Dwayne made a facebook post with my live track asking for people to send me encouraging messages.

It worked. I actually starting crying. I wasn't alone anymore. I had people who were with me every step that last 10K. Cheering me on and being so encouraging.

I came in at 6:54. It's interesting because I can't say that I ever really wanted to quit and I didn't ever think I wasn't going to finish but it did make me doubt if I ever wanted to run another marathon as long as I live! But here I am wondering if I can train to run it better next year! Did I mention how HARD it was? But the people on the course were AMAZING. The town was AMAZING. And...there was SO MUCH post race food when I got done!! And, because of my sweet husband making a post and my sweet friends responding en masse with SO MANY texts, I can now say it was a great race overall. HARD but really good. I think I kind of have to do it again...

Somewhere along the way I saw the medal and shirt for the Bridgestreet Half Marathon. I didn't look at the timing of the race...I was just blinded by the awesome shirt and medal so I signed up.

It was one week after the marathon of marathons! But it also has a four hour cutoff so I figured I'd surely be fine. I ran with a friend who kept me running even when I didn't really FEEL like it to come in WAY under my A goal of "sub 3" ...2:40 to be exact!! I was STOKED!! That 12:13 pace was probably the fastest I had run in over 3 years! For 13.1 miles! After completing 3 marathons in the previous 5 weeks!!!

I felt like I was on my way BACK!! Finally!

I'm three years post-diagnosis. I've been off steroids almost two years. It seems like it's WAY past time to be coming back from all of this.

Post run photo!

Then...on May 2nd I did something I haven't done in all that time...I ran a FULL 5K!!! Ran the whole thing! I didn't walk even ONE STEP!!

Relive 'I ran a whole 5k!!'

I actually still can't believe I did it! 11:40 pace for 3.1 miles! NOT FLAT miles either.

I was so very happy. I thought ahead to Cotton Row and I got excited! My goal for CR10K was to run a mile and take a short break the whole time, walking up the big hill. But with this run under my feet I felt like anything was possible!!

Then, exactly one week later I got sick. Here I am 17 days later...still sick! Turns out it's likely walking pneumonia!! I have been on 2 prescriptions for coughing, 1 breathing med (that I couldn't take because it really hurt my stomach!), 1 antibiotic, 1 steroid shot and 1 round of prednisone. I do feel slightly better now than I did a week ago but I'm still coughing and still can't get a deep breath.

Just in time for my 10th straight Cotton Row 10K!

I checked with the doctor yesterday to make sure there was no medical reason I shouldn't do the race. She said I would cough the whole time...I can live with that. I don't know if the people around me will appreciate it, but I can deal with that annoyance so that I don't break my streak!

It's really not even a question IF I will.... I WILL finish. I might be the VERY LAST person to finish, but I WILL finish.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!

Seek and Find

I don't workout because I have to. I don't workout (only) because I want to lose weight. I don't workout so that I can eat more.

I really ENJOY working out. I love running, biking, swimming...and I love strength training.

I've missed it.

Like...A LOT.

A little over two years ago, probably about the time I was waiting for my neurologist appointment (so maybe February 2016), I went with a friend to shop for her daughter's prom dress. She was scouting good places to bring her daughter back to. She had found a couple of dresses that she asked me to hold up so she could take pictures. I could BARELY hold up these dresses! These weren't heavy beaded gowns, they were LIGHT airy chiffon type dresses. And I seriously could hardly hold them up.

Dresses... this was just a few months after completing my second Ironman. I had been working out at Iron Tribe for over a year at that point. I had an 80lb clean PR and a 55lb press PR.



That weight is NOT impressive, but I should not have had an issue holding up chiffon dresses!

I remember that day. I became EXHAUSTED at moving hangers on a rack. It was CRAZY. I had gone from 18 mile very hilly long runs to not being able to run a few miles; from 80lb cleans to becoming exhausted moving hangers on a rack.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...I was ECSTATIC for having jogged a slow 12 (SOLID) minutes in Orangetheory. ((I'm smiling as I type this because it still makes me happy!!))

I have never stopped loving working out, even when my body just couldn't hang. But there have been many times in the last couple of years that I've felt like I'd never be able to really workout again.

Yes, I know I just completed a marathon...I WALKED 90% of it. That takes mental strength, but not physical strength.

And that's what I've kept coming back to...I've gained MENTAL strength in the last two years. I have gone from not really knowing how to grocery shop and cook food* to juggling a lot of different things (well). (*I did know how to shop, but I remember wandering around the grocery store as if I was in a foreign country...I wish I could explain it but I just can't express to you how awful it is to not be able to make your mind engage at will.)

As great as it is to have mental strength, I've missed the physical strength and endurance I used to enjoy. I've worried at times that I might not ever get back to feeling truly (physically) strong. But in the last several months I've seen myself getting stronger!!

And then I feel myself appear to lose it all....

I started working out at Huntsville Adventure Boot Camp last fall. I LOVE Joe Martin (boot camp king). And I really loved going to boot camp. At the start of the year I was trying to go 5 days a week...two of those days after teach Spin. I had also added running and swimming back in.

Yeah, I know...too much too quick. Blah blah blah...whatever. Knowing something doesn't stop me from doing what I want. :D

Obviously, it didn't last. I backed off swimming and running, and then I gave up teaching Spin on Friday's. And then I backed off every day boot camp...

Then I had to deal with the issue of sleep. Bootcamp was at 5:30am (or evening hours which never work for me). But I had been waking up at 1am and staying awake until like 3:30. Going to that early of a class meant waking up at 4ish so I could take my meds and take care of the dog and cat. When I didn't go to class I could go back to sleep at 3:30 and sleep until 6:30 or 7. That seemed to give me enough sleep, so I gave up going to boot camp.

But I missed working out. I wanted to work out. I needed to work out. I wanted to work out in a a group setting because I know I need a measure of accountability that working out alone just doesn't give me right now. Then I found OTF. It's intense. It's fun. It's one hour. It's VARIED--different every single day using a variety of equipment (treadmills, rowers, weights, medicine balls, TRX, benches, ab dollies...). And they have class times that really work for me. I can sleep in and then go workout. Or just sleep in...

And as I starting working out I saw myself getting stronger....until I didn't.

It's like this terrible roller coaster....up and down. But Dwayne helped me see the other day that there has been a steady progression of getting stronger. It just doesn't feel like it every day. My slides down aren't as fast or as far. And I really do feel like I'm gaining ground a lot of days.

But....why do I do it (run, bike, strength train...I'm not really swimming right now)? Do I do it to see results or do I do it for the love of doing it?

Kids don't play hide and seek because they love finding the child they are seeking. They do it for the love of the game It's fun to be the hider. It's fun to be the seeker. At the same time if the hider is never found or if the seeker never finds...the game has no meaning. It becomes un-fun VERY fast....

Finding strength, finding endurance MATTERS. Having faith that I WILL find it matters more.

Thanks for stoping by and sticking around....

Ready or not, here I come.

((I tried to find a picture that worked for "hide and seek" but the pictures on Google didn't look like what I was going for...some of them were down right creepy! Dwayne said I should include a picture of him because all posts are made better with pictures of him...and I think he's probably right. I love that face!))

That water was REALLY cold!