Best Laid Plans

A lot of people ask me what my training consists of these days.

Well...as usual, this is what my "planned" week looks like:

• Monday-teach 5:30am Spin, swim for 30-45 minutes, get on the treadmill until 8:45, then go to Boot Camp (strength training for an hour)
• Tuesday-5:30am boot camp, spend time either outside "running" or on my treadmill at my desk*
• Wednesday-5:30am boot camp, swim, treadmill
• Thursday-5:30am boot camp, spend time either outside "running" or on my treadmill at my desk*
• Friday-attend 5:30am Spin, swim for 30-45 minutes, get on the treadmill until 8:45, boot camp
• Saturday-treadmill or "running"
• Sunday-rest and prep for the week

Now...I know what you're thinking. It IS a lot. AND I haven't done 100% of that planned week even one time! I'm paying VERY close attention to how I'm feeling and VERY close attention to my heart rate variability**.

I'm walking a line so fine I don't even see it clearly most of the time! If you've ever tried to push yourself after an injury, you probably know what I'm talking about. 

In my first appointment with the neurologist who diagnosed the Autoimmune Enchepolapathy, I rattled off all the things I had written down as "symptoms". I felt like a crazy person. None of these things seemed to fit together. One of the strangest ones, or at least the one that made the least sense to me, was my confusion with left and right. I'm not just talking about telling someone to turn right and pointing to the "other right". 

When I would put my hands on a keyboard to type I felt like they were crossed or upside down. I would stare at my hands and move them around trying to come up with any other way to put them on the keyboard that would make sense. One night I was reading a book and had the distinct impression I was reading in the wrong direction. I kept looking at the page trying to figure out what was going on. I had a discussion with Dwayne about it as if I needed to be reminded that it really was correct to read a book (written in English) from left to right, up to down. (That's the night he told me I HAD TO make an appointment with a neurologist.)

When I described all of the weirdness to Dr. Hitchcock, he said those were pervasive symptoms (all over the brain as opposed to being in one area) which led him to believe it was Hashimoto's Encephalopathy. (They don't use that term anymore because they have determined AE has no connection to Hashimoto's, an autoimmune disease of the thyroid.) 

When I look at this chart (taken from the International Autoimmune Encephalitis Society website) I can better appreciate what he was saying. I had symptoms from every area. I'm sure if you read that list you might wonder if something is wrong with your brain too. Let me assure you, if there is something wrong, either you will know or the people closest to you will know. Everyone forgets where their keys are or the word they are trying to say from time to time. Everyone can get an "earworm" stuck in their head, but not usually for days (and nights) at a time.

I fully believe I am mostly recovered now. But when I push too hard (mentally, physically, emotionally) I can have "symptoms" pop up. Imagine you had shoulder surgery. You completed PT and were back to "normal life". But then you went and played tennis all day. Your "recovered" shoulder would let you know it wasn't happy. My brain does that.

I'm not going to lie. It's VERY hard to listen to it sometimes.

I have this thing I say all the time: "ALL stress goes in the same bucket". Stress to the body (workouts, injury, illness, poor sleep), the mind (learning new skills, projects or jobs that require a lot of mental effort), the emotions (going through therapy to deal with "big T" traumatic life events or the loss of a loved one), the will (not being able to do the things you REALLY want to do), the senses (living near a nasty smelling dog food factory*** or hearing loud explosions multiple times a day or living with chronic pain)...all that stress adds up in the same column.

You can't separate one category from the other. You might think that having an incredibly stressful job while you are going through a nasty divorce can be balanced out by killing yourself in the gym (to "work out all that stress"), but you are most likely wrong. Those are all three STRESSES. Relaxation/meditation, deep breathing, massage, LAUGHTER...those are things that go in the other column and will take stress out of the bucket.

Most of the time when overall stress ramps up, and is not properly dealt with, bad things start happening. You start not being able to sleep. You get more emotional/irritable. You might "stress eat". You might have headaches, stomach aches or get sick easier. You might realize you are more forgetful. When stress ramps up in a vulnerable place (an old injury for example), you feel it. You will probably notice it, but you might not take notice of it.

There's another side to that equation. In order to get stronger, systems HAVE TO be stressed. For a muscle to be stronger you have to lift heavy weights. A healthy body will make adaptations in order to handle "more". But these changes don't happen in the moment of stress. The changes happen in the moments of rest.

When a system is under fire, all resources are thrown at the "problem". It's when the pressure is removed that the system can adapt and adjust in order to handle that situation better. This is how we learn new skills, how we handle more of what's thrown at us. 

The art of knowing how much pressure to apply and how much rest to allow is the art of "coaching". A good guitar instructor would never tell a new student to practice 8 hours every day 7 days a week to start out. That teacher knows calluses have to be built up on the fingertips. If someone new tried to play that much, their fingers would probably split open!

But, NO ONE has the opportunity to know your "systems" better than you do. I say "has the opportunity" because we all have our own blind spots! We can want to get back in shape so badly that we conveniently ignore clues that we are overdoing it until it's too late. (Or we can want the Oreos so badly we overlook what it's doing to our midsection!)

Taken from the IAES website.

I have been paying close attention to myself, but I don't always know how to translate what's being "said". Is that headache from stress overload or just a headache? Is that dizziness my brain telling me something or is it a sinus issue? The truth matters but the answer is the same: some kind of "rest" (or subtraction from the "stress" column). Extra sleep, laughter, massage, deep breathing/meditation...

My body might be itching to go work out, but if my brain has had enough, my body is going to have to wait. Think about that shoulder example earlier. If you just had surgery it doesn't matter how much you love to/want to/"need to" swim. It doesn't matter how fit you are cardiovascularly, or how strong your legs are. You will not be able to use that arm to swim (right now).

Sure, where there's a will, there's a way. I'm the queen of "but you can cover incisions with waterproof tape, you can immobilize the arm and do one-arm swimming, you can do drills that don't require that arm...". There's "always" a work-around. But when it's the brain, there aren't really work-arounds that work.

I imagine it's much like someone who has an "untreatable" injury (no cartilage in the knee or a torn labrum in the shoulder). They can push, but they have to know when to back off. (Who else starting singing Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler"?? Surely not just me.)

Thank you for joining me on this journey!

:D

*My treadmill desk...the treadmill only gets up to 2mph. I usually have it on 1.5 if I'm typing something that requires a good bit of thought.

**HRV-there's a lot written on HRV but here's a great place to start if you are interested: https://elitehrv.com/what-is-heart-rate-variability

***I have personal experience with living close to a dog food factory. Trust me when I say you don't have to live very close. 

Horizons

I love that Facebook gives me memories from the past. It's fun to see what I posted on this day years ago.  Well...most of the time it's fun.

Today was interesting.

In 2010 I posted a link to a blog entry of a "poem" I had written back in 1995. I was in therapy trying to undo a lot of the knots of my childhood and this "poem" was exactly where I was--trying to get through this raging river of memory and mess to get to what I perceived would be a better place. I so clearly remember writing that "poem". I remember the feeling triumph over the fear of confronting all those past feelings and disappointments and hurts. I felt powerful and strong. I felt fearless. I felt hopeful for things to come.

Fast forward two years. I posted a link to a blog entry about a bike race I was entered in. It was all about about how terrified I was. Why was I so scared? I was going to have to ride my bike UP A HILL (gasp!). That sounds silly, but some fears really are a little silly. I'm going to say ALL irrational fears are silly. There is no SOLID basis in reality when dealing with irrational fears. They are usually a distortion or over generalization of some real thing; that honest fear has morphed into some new (silly) thing. In the case of this race, a fear of failure had given way to a fear of riding up a hill!!

For what it's worth, I did that race and I made it up that "gargantuan" climb. I don't even think of it as a major climb anymore. Not that I could even begin to go ride it today, but I don't think I'm scared of the thought of riding it. It's hard to know for sure since it's completely out of the question for me right now. It's hard to muster fear when there's no doubt the thing isn't going to come to pass!!

Fast forward another year. I posted a link to a blog entry about staying focused on where I'm currently at, honoring the present rather than looking back or looking ahead. It was 2013. I was battling a shoulder injury and wanting to begin training for my first Ironman that fall. I had so much pain in that shoulder. (It turned out that I had a torn bicep tendon that was cut out the following January--after I had completed IMLT.) I said in part:

It's too easy to get caught up in thinking about anything other than where I'm at on this journey RIGHT NOW, mainly because it's usually not where I WANT to be!!  But...man...that's a GREAT thing.  That edge of discontentment means I'm driven.  It means I want more than to stay put. ...The thing I'm coming to realize is I don't have to give up my drive and my desire to do better in order to appreciate where I'm at right now.  In fact, honoring this moment in time is part of the way I will be able to get better.  I look at what I'm doing now.  This day.  This workout.  This moment.  If I'm giving all I have to give to make the training session what it needs to be, I can say, "YES!!  That's great..."  When I can stay focused on the task at hand I am able to give it all I have.  If I'm distracted-thinking about anything else other than what I'm doing-I'm NOT giving all I have.  It's as simple as that.

It's easy to get caught up in what I want...to be too tightly entangled with what I think I'm working toward-the GOAL. When that happens, I lose track of the task at hand. I lose focus on where I'm currently at and what the current need truly is.

I see it with the athletes I coach all the time. They work hard and get a little "injury" that's not an injury, it's just a little "thing". They don't pay attention to that thing, but instead stay too tightly transfixed on the future GOAL. They don't take the necessary steps to care for that "thing" properly. That little thing that's not an injury becomes an injury and it stops them from reaching their goal.

A lot of people do this but in different ways. I had a friend whose wife became addicted to gambling. She literally lost everything they had-all their life savings, their house, and eventually their marriage. She kept thinking she would be able to win it all back if she could just hit well "one time". The father of another friend had never taken a real vacation from work. His plan was to retire and then travel. He worked hard EVERY DAY and saved a lot of money for his future. ...he died the week after he retired. We can get so ensnared by the goal, by the plan, that we lose track of where we are right now.

Allow me to tell you a story about someone we'll call Sally. Sally had fallen into a hole. She could see the light of the "outside world" but she was pretty far down below the surface. She wasn't shaken by this, she knew what she needed to do-just climb up and get out of that hole. But every time she tried to grab the wall of that hole, it just crumbled under her hand. Sally tried everything...she called for help, she looked for anything that could be used as a tool, she even tried meditation thinking she just needed to relax her way out of the hole. She took a little time trying to become more at home in the hole, but that was NOT going to happen, she knew that hole was NOT where she belonged. But every time she tried to climb up and out to get back to the surface, she stumbled. At times she even fell a little further from the surface. Other times it would rain and with every attempt to get out she made that hole bigger and bigger as she slid on the muddy prison walls. Some days she was so exhausted all she could do was to wait for rain to wet her mouth so she could try again.

One day Sally decided that she was going to change the goal. Up until then the goal was to GET OUT OF THE HOLE and get BACK TO THE SURFACE. She decided while that was a really good long-term goal, the short term had to be something else because she wasn't seeing any progress being made. (Truth be told, she was actually getting further from her goal every day.) It also couldn't be about making "interim goals" because if she was being brutally honest with herself, she knew she might not ever make it to the surface.) She decided to make the goal all about what she was doing in the moment to move TOWARD that goal. Those actions might not produce the result of getting her closer to the surface, but that wasn't going to be the metric of success anymore. The metric was going to be "am I doing something that I think will move me closer, even if it doesn't?".

Sally had realized that she didn't have control of the hole. She knew she was not content to stay there, but she didn't know if she'd ever actually see the surface ever again. If the metric of success was about meeting that long term goal of being out, she might not ever make it. She might become very frustrated and give up on that goal. But if the metric became making attempts to move toward that goal, then ANY attempt was a win, even if it didn't actually produce measurable progress. She might move up a few feet, only to be knocked back down but she knew she would never stop trying to get out of that hole.

When we are looking ahead, we might have this vast expanse in front of us-we can see for MILES and MILES. It's an open road just begging to be traveled. But there are other times when we are trapped by circumstance. We always have a choice. Do we focus on the horizon, or do we focus on where we are in the moment? Both perspectives have advantages and are necessary for different reasons. But I believe you need the ability to do both. More that than, you need the wisdom to know which one will serve you best in the moment.

Because, we don't have the advantage of being all knowing.

Thanks for stopping in and for sticking around.

Up Down Up Down...Down...Down...Looking UP

Since my IV steroid treatments it's been up and down. Until today. Now, I will say it now, today isn't over with yet, so there's still time for it to go back up. But it's the first day since the first treatment that I have woken up really exhausted. It's never a good sign to wake up tired.

Most days since that first treatment I have at least started the day feeling clear mind. Energetic. Able to drive and know where I'm going. Able to talk without having to really think about my words. I don't think I've gone a full day feeling like that, but at least a portion of the day has been like that for me. There usually comes a time when I crash a little (or a lot) but after a nap I wake up feeling ready to go again. That didn't happen today. I took a two hour nap and woke up just as tired as I was when I first got out of bed this morning.

My original plan was to swim this morning and then hang out with a friend for a bit before coming home to do some meal prep and work. I did go to the pool (to meet with an athlete) but I ended up deciding against the swim. My thought was the swim wasn't worth it if it meant I'd have to take a two or three hour nap for recovery. But as it is I took that nap anyway just to function.

Let me just say, this SUCKS.

I have to remind myself. I'm not dying of cancer. I'm not paralyzed. I'm not losing my mind...oh, wait, I kind of am doing that.

I can't describe to you how this feels. I almost think having a name for it and knowing the process that is going on actually makes it worse. It feels like I am giving into how I feel a little more than I was before I knew.

In my mind this is like having your eyesight or hearing go bad a little bit. At first you start to notice things aren't as crisp and clear. You strain to see/hear and you fight it. "I am not losing my vision/hearing!" "I do NOT need glasses/hearing aides!!" You work extra hard to see/hear and it's EXHAUSTING...and it doesn't work. You don't see/hear better just because you are trying harder to MAKE that happen. So you "give in" and get glasses/hearing aides. And...you... (I) feel like a FAILURE because I couldn't make that happen. I gave in. I didn't fight harder. I didn't try harder.

That is NOT kind and it's not true. I would never tell anyone else they were a failure for getting glasses/hearing aides, or for taking a nap when they are exhausted. Why would I feel like I am different? Why would I feel like I am a failure because I want to take a nap, or do something to stop my mind from feeling the way it does?

Here's the thing...I know, without a doubt, I have felt better at times the last ten days. If you have a high fever it feels different. If you break a bone, it feels different. But in those cases there is something tangible to point to. You have a thermometer or an x-ray that confirms you aren't crazy.

This is my mind we are talking about. My demeanor. My mood. My thoughts. And I KNOW there are people who will say it's hormones, or who will blame how I'm feeling on the fact I'm not eating bread. No...I live in this body and I can tell you that is not it. But I can't show you.

I say it all the time, you can't control what happens to you, but you can control what happens in your mind-how you think and your attitude toward your circumstance. Giving in is not who I am. I am a fighter. I am a warrior. I don't give in. I do ALL I can to do ALL I can.

Yes, I believe it's necessary to surrender to God's plan because I do believe there is a Master plan at work here. (I'm aware not everyone believes that, and I'm not trying to push what I believe off on anyone else...this is just about me and what I believe.) I believe God is trying to teach me something about myself or about Him.

I used to be a quitter. When things got hard, I would give in. When I was faced with a temptation, I would give in. When I was expected to behave a certain way to be loved, I gave in. When people pushed me to believe the way they believed, I gave in. I think this is about really listening to and HONORING my body, being KIND to my body. I needed a nap today so I took a nap.

I used to be AM impatient. I want things to be the way I want them NOW. I think this is about me learning how to breathe in and breathe out and know that "recovery is coming" even if I don't know when.  ((Side note, I sometimes do this thing in Spin class where I don't tell the class when recover is coming. Most of the time I do let them know, but sometimes I don't just to see if they will keep pushing even not knowing what is going to happen next.))

I used to hate highly dislike making final decisions, mainly because I don't like to be wrong! I like there to be options. Making a decision to go one direction necessarily rules out the other direction. Sure, you can go back, but you've wasted time. I want to make the right decision from the get-go. Saying "well, let's try this and see what happens" makes my skin crawl. I like to be right from the start.

All of these reasons are the very reasons I started training for a marathon 6 years ago and how I ended up training for/completing endurance distance events (IM and 50K). I really am NOT a quitter anymore. But I am still impatient and it's still my nature to defer to someone else to make final decisions, even if I'm not sure they are exactly right.

Recovery is coming but decisions do have to be made about treatment direction and how to handle day-to-day "operations". I'm learning to be kind to myself through all of this.

That doesn't suck.

This has more meaning that you probably even know.

Thanks for stopping in.
:D

What Do I Say?

It's hard for me when someone says "How are you?" or "I hope you are doing well?!" Because part of the truth of the answer is, "well...things aren't totally great right now" but the other part is, "I'm doing GREAT because I have what I think are answers and that's a push in the right direction!"

I want to share my struggle, but I don't want to bring anyone down, or divert attention from the truth that EVERYONE struggles with something. We can focus on that struggle or we can focus on the path out of it. Sometimes the path out is ONLY in our minds.

Think about Steven Hawking. He is trapped in a non-working body but his mind is FULL and THRIVING. What I'm going through is NOTHING compared to that. But at the same time, it's not like I just stubbed my toe either.

Again, there's a balance in there somewhere. I am not going to go into my health history when someone casually says "hey, how've you been?!" but I think it's appropriate to share struggles with each other as long as we don't get mired down.



I've never been trapped in real quicksand, but from everything I've read (and according to this video), the more you fight it the further you sink. You have to almost work with the sand in order to get out. Relax into it while at the same time staying focused on getting out.

You can't ignore quicksand. You can't just "radiate positivity" to get out of it. You have to relax into the hard work.

So, what will I say when someone says "so, how are you?" Maybe my answer will be "I'm wor-laxing my way out of quicksand!" Or maybe I'll say "I'm making it a great day in the quick sand!"

Thanks for stopping by!
:D

This Is Not Hard

I see I haven't written since my post about IMChoo. What a day that was, and what a wild ride I have been on since then.

I'm going to skip all the intervening details of life and go right to what I wanted to write about today....well, maybe not right to it!

I have been doing a "Whole 30". (No, that is not what this is about, it's the intro...) The most quoted line in Whole 30 (and It Starts With Food) is “It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Quitting heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard.”

Well...I agree. I have a friend who was diagnosed with what doctors would call terminal brain cancer. The chances of remission of that kind of cancer are very slim to none and almost everyone diagnosed is gone from this life within five years. He is currently cancer free after just the first round of chemo and radiation. (No, this is not what the post is about either although I could write a book about this man's courage in the face of a "hard thing"....He would want you to make no mistake, his courage is all from God and not at all from his own strength.)

For a while I have been having what I call "health weirdness". I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis back in 2009. I have taken Synthroid almost every day since then, except for a short time I thought I could control it with diet and stopped taking the meds. It obviously didn't work, in case you were wondering... My "numbers" are managed by a really good Endocrinologist here in Huntsville, Dr Dwain Woode. His office staff left something to be desired early on, but they have come a long way and I think his is the best office in town to manage thyroid issues. (He is also a diabetes dr but that is WAY off topic!) No, I do not want to write about my thyroid, but I am narrowing down to the real topic at hand.

In December my "health weirdness" started getting much worse. Just a few of the symptoms I was having: trouble finding the next word I wanted to say*, TERRIBLE "brain fog", headaches, fatigue, irritability, dizziness, my leg would give out while I was running every now and then, I would sometimes fall over in the shower or while walking, and I felt like my hands were on the wrong side of the keyboard while I was typing sometimes. I can't describe how I was feeling other than to say it felt like my brain wasn't working the way it should and I knew it, but couldn't do anything about it. One day I didn't know how to get out of my own car. That was the symptom that finally pushed me to seek a doctor appointment.
My husband noticed some of these symptoms and pushed for a neurological consult. Naturally I had to go to my family doctor first for blood work (all normal, not even my most common issues of low vitamin D and iron). She sent me for a brain MRI with and without contrast (also "unremarkable"). She then sent me to a neurologist who turned out to be a headache specialist (not the right doctor for my symptoms). That doctor wanted to send me to a colleague. Friends were worried (okay, I was also worried) it might be MS so I wanted to go to a doctor who specializes in MS in Cullman (Laganke). My doctor wanted me to see Scott Hitchcock here in Huntsville. Well...she was right. (Side note, my appointment was originally set for April 19th but a friend of mine is good friends with him. She talked to him and he got me in six weeks earlier that that!)

After a full battery of tests and a month of waiting I got a diagnosis. Hashimoto's Encephalopathy. If you click the link you will see it's a scary thing. It's not cancer scary, but it's scary. Left untreated (or misdiagnosed) it can cause seizures, paralysis, coma and death. I was diagnosed (I think correctly) last week; I started treatment yesterday so I think I'm not going to progress that far because of this disease.

But, let's be clear,

As human beings we have a terminal disease called mortality. The current death rate is 100%. We don’t like to ‘think about death,’ especially our own, yet, worldwide, 3 people die every second, 180 every minute, and nearly 11,000 every hour. That’s 250,000 a day who transition from this life. (excerpt from Randy Alcorn, HEAVEN) 

I believe in God the Father of Jesus Christ. I believe once I pass from this life I will have eternal life with Christ in Heavenly Places. But even that isn't what I wanted to focus on today.

Here's the thing. This (fill in the blank) is not hard. EVERYONE has struggles that seem to them to be hard in the context of their life. (The AC is broken, Starbucks is out of carmel topping, traffic is backed up for some unknown reason, the ice in the tea has melted making it watered down... #firstworldproblems.) You know what I'm talking about. We all "struggle" at some point in our life...or what we call struggle.

But, no matter what you are going through, this (thing) is not (really) hard. Not facing the struggle is hard. Not talking about and dealing with the struggle is hard. Not working to overcome the struggle (in the best way you know how) is hard. Ignorance is hard. Not seeking answers is hard.

I haven't really wanted to research or learn about my current "life boogie man" because I have confidence in my doctor. I realized this morning not knowing what life is throwing at me leaves me at a disadvantage. But I refuse to focus on the flaming arrows. True, my faith in God allows me to feel very protected in His armor, but I have to PUT IT ON. It's not a magical protection. I can't pretend to know what it would be like to live a life outside of that faith, but even as a Believer in Christ, I have a part to play. I have a role. I have to work out my faith. When David defeated Goliath, he had to pick up the ((pitchfork, slingblade...*)) sling shot and fire off the tiny pebble that "miraculously" made contact in exactly the right place. (I believe God directed this pebble, but it wasn't going to get there if David hadn't done his part.)

My belief only gets me so far. Stepping out in faith on that belief and behaving in accordance with the belief...that's what it's all about. And...it's not hard when my belief is strong and my truth is real. Because when I test the water of my faith, I stand firm. If my faith were built on something less, I wouldn't have a leg to stand on!

This is not hard. No weapons formed against me shall prosper. I can walk through the fire and not be burned. I will still feel the heat of the flame, but it will be a refiner's fire, not a firey death. Standing on the belief that this world is not my true home helps a lot because even in Earthly death there is life-eternal life.

This wasn't intended to be a sermon. I'm not ever going to tell anyone else what they should believe. That has nothing to do with me! But I want to ask the question if you feel you can stand firm on what you DO believe? If so, hallelujah!! If not, I'm going to leave you with this...standing on ever-shaky ground (or shaky legs)--that is HARD. (If you can't see the embedded video, you can see it here: https://youtu.be/rbLo6su6lHc)



Thanks for sticking with me. My goal is to write more often again. I hope you'll join me, either before or after you go face the hard thing in your life, just not in place of facing it!

:D

*BTW...this is a good example of what happens way to often to be normal. I have a word I want to say and I think of other words instead. I have to say this example is pretty benign. Usually it has been a COMPLETELY wrong word, sometimes even completely made up words that don't exist in common language. I don't usually SAY the word without meaning to, but most of the time when this happens, it helps to say the word so I can find the right word. :D

Posterior Tibial Tendon Dysfunction-Shades of Grey

Before I write about my Dizzy experience I want to take a moment to look at my foot/leg "injury".  I put that word (injury) in quotes because I'm not entirely convinced it was a real injury.

There is sometimes a fine line between discomfort and injury.  Discomfort can certainly lead to injury. You will most certainly have discomfort with an injury.  But there is a point at which discomfort turns into actual pain and that is usually when injury is either imminent or has already happened.  Because I'm very much like the Princess in the children's story, for me that fine line is like a vast mountain range.  When something hurts, I generally perceive it as PAIN...it isn't black and white, it's GREY..it's always grey.

However, in the last four years I have been attempting to learn the difference and embrace inevitable discomfort that comes with endurance sport.  When you cover a large number of miles (large is a relative term...) there WILL be discomfort.  Being able to determine if a sensation is actually pain is difficult if you don't have experience with discomfort in the first place...until you've crossed the line and end up with a diagnosis that confirms actual injury.

Side story...the first athlete I started coaching learned about this dividing line the hard way.  She was feeling something in her leg quite a bit, but she defined that sensation as discomfort (and didn't tell me about it), until the day she realized she couldn't walk properly.  She had more than one stress fracture!! 

The athlete in my side story is much tougher than I am.  See, I don't like to be uncomfortable.  I know some of you are laughing.  How can anyone who doesn't like to be uncomfortable participate in long course triathlon?  How could anyone who doesn't like to be uncomfortable go out in sub-freezing cold and jump in a lake to start a race with 140.6 miles to cover before the finish line?  How can anyone who doesn't like to be uncomfortable run a marathon?  That's why I train...to redefine what is comfortable.

So when I woke up that Saturday morning with undeniable pain in my leg I knew not to run that day. When that pain dissipated it became less clear what to do.  I went to the doctor in the hopes he would tell me the feeling I was having was simple discomfort.

He didn't tell met that.  He said there was a chance it was a stress fracture because when he pressed on the bone in one specific spot it was very tender.  (It wasn't shin splints because the pain wasn't anywhere else except that one spot.)  However, I was most tender on the tendon that runs right beside the bone.  That could have meant it was a fracture right under/beside that spot, or it could have meant the tendon was "irritated" (inflamed or possibly torn).  

He STRONGLY encouraged me to not run the 50K that was to happen just four days later but he didn't have an actual diagnosis for me.  There was about a 70% chance an MRI might give an answer, but there was a 30% chance it would either give a false negative or be completely inconclusive.

I left his office and cried.  I felt like I was right back to where I had been two years ago with my shoulder.  The first doctor I saw for that issue told me I had tendonitis in my bicep tendon and I needed to completely rest it.  I did rest it but, because of a weakness in certain muscles and some bone spurs, even every day movement caused it to be irritated. This new tendon issue (if that is what it was) was likely pretty much the same thing in a different place.  You can't walk without using that tendon.


But I wasn't convinced it was a significant issue.  First of all it had stopped really hurting.  Second of all, it didn't hurt when I walked around.  And third it didn't hurt when he had me put a load on that tendon by pressing my foot into his hand in different ways.  Those same kinds of tests with my shoulder HURT in unmistakable ways.

As convinced as I was it wasn't a significant issue, I was convinced it was on the dangerous side of the "injury continuum".  (If I were better at graphics I would draw a really cool picture to insert here to illustrate this idea, but alas, I'm not!) If no discomfort is "white" and full on injury is "black"...this was more dark grey than light grey.  I knew this because I had been having some issues with the underside of my foot and my calf off and on for a while.  I had attributed it to the discomfort that comes with an increase in mileage.  It was usually gone within around 24 hours so it seemed reasonable.  It made sense that these three issues were all related, quite possibly to the tendon in question.

But, in my mind, I had two distinct options.  I could decide to take the safe path and stay off of it for a while until there was no discomfort at all at any time.  This would assure me, as much as possible, I would go back into the "white" area on the continuum.  Or,  I could test it out to determine how grey the situation really was.  I decided I would not live in fear.  It was silly to me to stay off of my foot in anticipation of it being a full blown injury. I wouldn't really know until I tested it out.  Usually a test would be a short run (or something even less "offensive") but if it was a ("light grey") tendon issue I wanted to give it as much time as possible to resolve before the race.  So I elected to stay off of it as much as possible until the morning of the 50K, and let each mile of that race be the test.  I committed to myself (and my entire support system) that I would not start the race if it hurt that morning, and I would stop if it started hurting.

The hard part was going to be making the delineation between hurt and discomfort.  Doesn't it all go "grey" in a 50K?  I was about to find out.

...to be continued...

Getting to Dizzy

Three weeks ago today I woke up with terrible pain in my left lower leg.  If you look at the picture...it was exactly in the spot that is labeled "tibial stress fracture".  Yikes.  

I knew I had pushed some limits the week before with working out at Iron Tribe (specifically running and jumping wearing VERY minimal shoes) on top of my longest run all year (18 miles on trails on Thursday) followed the next day with another longish run (one that was supposed to be 13, but I ended up making it 14.5 for a number of reasons).  

That second run felt GREAT.  I was completely surprised.  About 80% of it was on trails but I ran the other 20% on the road with my worn out, non-stability, trail shoes with their completely worn out inserts.  On trails I don't really seem to need the stability as much, and it usually doesn't matter at all...but running on the road with those shoes was quite obviously a terrible choice.  I have to admit that I did know it at the time, but it felt good so I kept going.

All the choices I had made during the week came flooding back to mind as I tried to make a little hop on that leg (that's a classic "do I have a stress fracture" test....to be clear, I failed that test miserably).  I was scheduled to run that day, but I was smart and not only skipped it, I put my leg up most of the day.  The next morning I woke up and it wasn't much better.  I got on the elliptical for an hour and it seemed to feel okay.  I started telling myself there was no way it was a stress fracture, it was simply sore from the week's work.  

But it hurt.

Monday I tried to stand up in Spin class and felt it acutely so I stayed in the saddle for the entire class.  I had a massage appointment and the therapist really worked my foot and leg over.  She said she really didn't think it was a fracture either.  Whew.

But it hurt.

I tried to run mid week, but the first step HURT so I stopped after 100m.  So I didn't work out that week at all other than Spin class, rowing and modified movements at ITF.  And I started to worry.  I had my first 50K race coming up in a week.  I am signed up for the "Grand Slam" (3 50ks and a marathon in November, December and January).  

I kept telling myself it would be fine...but it hurt.  It didn't hurt all the time so I took that as a very good sign.  But, it did hurt and I couldn't overlook it.  So I went to the doctor 11 days after I failed the "jump test".  After a very thorough examination he told me it might be a stress fracture, or it might be a problem with the tendon.  I'll spare you the details (or I'll put them in another post), but he STRONGLY encouraged me to not run the race.

THAT hurt more than my leg.

I had a heart felt discussion with my husband, my best friend, my coach and another friend who all said it was a very bad idea to run the race.  They all knew I was set on doing it if at all possible and they all tried to talk me out of making a stupid choice.  The doctor had said to let pain be my guide.  The problem with that was that if it was the tendon the worst thing I could do is to have partial healing and then injure it again.  So there was a good chance it would feel fine before and during the race but hurt the next day (like it had done before).

All I could think about was the last two years of dealing with my shoulder...which started out as a diagnosis of tendonitis.  But at the same time I did not want to live by fear.  How on Earth was I going to know if it was going to hurt after the race if I didn't do the race.  I honestly believed if it was really injured it would hurt.  I honestly believed if I hurt I would stop.  And, I honestly believed it was going to be okay.

I made the decision to get up Saturday and go to the start line and see what happened.  I was going to take it mile by mile and be willing to quit if I had to.  I have never quit a race before, but I was willing for this to be the first if that's what had to happen.

So, a week ago today I woke up, got ready and toed the line for my first 50K.  ((I know if you are a reader of my blog, you already know what happened...sorry about that, I should have given a spoiler alert on my last post!))

...to be continued...

:D

Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE!!!

Okay, not really, that saying is for boxing and wrestling.  I don't do that.  But I like the way it sounds!

I went back to the doctor last week and he released me to train!!!  I'm certainly not 100% yet.  I have technical "full range of motion" but not MY full range, and not what I need for a strong swim.  I also have to start back as if I am a new beginner.  However, he told me, "you are as good as you could even possibly be right now.  It is not possible for you to be any better."  I thought he was giving me a line...you know, comparing me to me (you can't be any better than you are because you aren't better than you are...); just making a play on words to make it sound positive and encouraging.  But then he added, "If you could see the patients I see, you would realize how far along you really are right now."  So, okay...I'll take it.  I did ask for, and receive an injection.  It hasn't been magic, but I believe it has helped a good bit.

Where I Am Now

I have been swimming a handful of times.  Tuesday I was able to "swim" for about 30 minutes, mostly doing drills with 350 front crawl yards interspersed throughout, mostly with fins but some without.  I was only able to swim 50 yards straights at most, but most intervals were 25 yard "laps".

I'm going back today.  The plan is to continue with drills being the bulk of the workout but I'll increase the yardage to 400 and my plan is to increase the number of 50y intervals as well.  I'll probably stick with the fins because it really takes pressure off the shoulder joint and allows me to move the arm much better.

I haven't been on my bike AT ALL since IMLT.  I've been teaching Spin 2-4 times a week for about six weeks.  I'm ready to see what happens on the road.  I'm not going to lie, I'm more than just a little nervous.  I do LOVE to ride my bike now, but 1) I haven't ridden in almost SEVEN MONTHS!!, and 2) I've seen way too many stories about people being hit by cars lately.  However, I refuse to live in fear of anything so I'm going to get my chain cleaned and greased and my tires pumped and get out there.  Maybe even today!

I been running about as much as I've been swimming.  The longest distance I've covered with walk/run intervals is 3.5 miles.  The longest distance I've run straight is just over 1 mile.  My shoulder does bother me when I run, but my legs are the biggest limiting factor right now.  There are muscles you use when you run, but you don't work them by running.  When those muscles aren't used or worked, they balk a little bit at being brought out early retirement!!  I've been thinking about those muscles for a couple of months, but I haven't done a lot to reignite them in preparation for a return to running.  So, that process will restart today!

Overall I'm pleased with how I feel when I run as far as my shoulder goes.

PT has been going VERY well.  I'm now working on aggressive strengthening and have been making progress every time I go.  Yesterday I did several new exercises and increased weight on some older ones.  It's the strangest feeling when I do hammer curls.  The right bicep tendon starts feeling fatigued and feels like the limiting factor for the move.  Because I don't have a tendon there in the left arm, I feel NOTHING on that side in that spot!!  STRANGE.

Overall, I am READY to get started.  The first race on the plan is Wet Dog on July 19 (or maybe Cotton Row 10K on Memorial Day-I haven't decided about that one yet).  I did fairly decent at this race last year, winning second in my age group.  My overall time was 1:04:something.  I would LOVE to beat that this year, but I'm fairly certain I was farther ahead of where I am now at this same time last year.  However, I was also actively fighting with a wonky shoulder.  My plan is to train hard and race hard and see what happens.

Until next time...

:D

Too Much? Too Far?

How far is "too far"?  How much is "too much"?  Those are very subjective terms in my opinion.  I mean, really, how to you know how much farther you can go if you don't try to go there?

In training, you have to "over reach" so your body can become stronger.   The real key is knowing when to pull back.  When you continue to push, you will get hurt.  But, if you never push, you won't grow as an athlete.  There has to be a balance.

I like to say the balance is between the body and the mind.  If the body is too much in control, you generally won't push past your limits (setting new limits in the process).  The body will cry "uncle" long before it has really had enough.  Hard training "hurts".  But it's a good hurt.  This used to be very confusing for me (okay, it still is).  I have determined it's because I was out of "balance" for so long I really didn't know how to listen to my body in a healthy way.  I couldn't tell if the pain was a "work out pain" that would go away or an injury pain that was a signal for me to stop what I'm doing.  All I can say about that is if you haven't been in the practice of listening to your body, you will not understand what it's trying to tell you.  It's very much like trying to understand someone else's toddler speak!!

On the other hand, if your mind is too much in control you will generally push your body beyond it's breaking point to injury.  I think this is the result of the above (not listening to/understanding your body).  It's like the swing of a pendulum from one side of the clock to the other.  However, it can also be the result of someone who is trying to beat their body into submission.

I have a friend who is an avid athlete, who was injured (an acute/sudden injury) that required surgery.  That friend knew full well "they" weren't supposed to push "hard" but couldn't resist.  "They" pushed hard and got reinjured with a chronic type injury that can only be solved with a long period of rest.  "They" will not take time off.  "They" are increasing "their" chances of damaging "their" body long term.  And "they" don't care.  (I am certainly NOT "they"...I value my long term health way more than short term training.  Okay, at least slightly more.)

When there is not balance there is either injury, or failure to meet potential.  When you allow your body to be too much in control, you won't "over reach" and push your limits out from where they currently are.  Most people have not met their body's potential.  They have met the limit of their mind, or the limit of their ability to listen to their body complain!  They give in, give up, quit early, stop pushing...settle for less than they are capable of.  I get it.  It's hard, especially when you have let your body dictate your life.  But, "brats" can learn good behavior only through CONSISTENCY.

We have to learn where the fulcrum of this teeter totter is.  It's ironic, a pendulum in a clock has to swing from side to side for the clock to keep time.  This mind/body balance requires a pendulum that is very still in the middle, not swinging from one extreme to the other, in order for us to live healthy for a long time.

It's interesting to me...I have begun to learn what "too far" feels like.  Sometimes, like the other day at PT and the next day in the pool, I ignore it and allow my mind to tell my body "COME ON...IS THAT REALLY ALL YOU'VE GOT?  YOU CAN DO MORE THAN THAT!!!"  My body has developed a pretty strong voice that no longer sounds like a crying bratty toddler.  It sounds more like, "Okay...I'm telling you that's enough, but if you want to push, I'll push back."  I had a VERY MINOR set back in therapy and had to back off a few days.  But, I don't see it as a set back.  I see it as a confirmation.  When I thought to myself, "this feels like too much" and "I probably shouldn't be doing this"...I should have listened.

((Now...I know my mother reads my blog sometimes so I need to tell her, "I'm really fine.  I just pushed a TINY bit much and found a limit.  This is a really good thing, because it teaches me how to listen better.  You KNOW I need that!"))

People keep asking me how I tore my bicep tendon.  If I'm being 100% honest, I have to say it was overuse.  But, I can't help but thinking that it was really the bone spurs that caused the tear with normal use....it's just my normal may not look like someone else's normal.  But, in my defense, there are other people who have a way more extreme normal that makes my normal look like nothing.

No one can answer the question "how far is too far to push your body" for you.  Only your body can answer that question.  And only your mind can hear it.  If you aren't sure which side of the spectrum you are on, ask yourself these questions:

• Am I perpetually injured? (yes...usually a sign your mind is in control)
• Am I meeting what I believe is my potential (no...usually a sign your body is in control)

If you still aren't sure, read this post about my "bratty body" and see if you can relate.

Until next time...  :D

I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!! (almost)

I seriously can't remember the last time I was able to get a full night's sleep.   I'm sure it has happened since the surgery, but I can't remember it.  Well...until last night that is!!

I think three factors came into play.  In no particular order they are:

1) I did some "PT" right before I got into bed.  My physical therapist (Todd Hayes at Johnson and Hayes) has told me movement and strength are the things needed to get rid of the pain and get me back to doing the things I want to do.  So, I did some stretches and general movement (basically arm swings) right before I got into bed.

2) We sold the cloud we've been sleeping on.  Four and a half years ago my husband and I bought a new generic memory foam mattress.  It wasn't cheap by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn't Tempur-Pedic and it was on the softer side of the spectrum.  I loved it.  It was like sleeping on down.  The problem was that after four and half years, the bed had developed a bit of Alzheimer's (it had no memory).  I never really noticed but my husband, who would probably prefer to sleep on a  ROCK, did.  So last week we ordered a new mattress (a Tempur-Pedic that will allow me to sleep on a cloud and my sweet husband to sleep on a rock).  Yesterday, we sold the dementia plagued puff box.  We were going to sleep on the guest bed, but it is currently covered with yard sale stuff.  Instead we pulled out the air mattress.  It's a nice one and was considerably more firm than the cloud.  I don't know if the firmness of the sleeping surface had anything to do with the quality of my sleep, but it was a change, so it made the list.

And, last, but certainly not least...

3) I slept with a pillow under my arm.  A friend of mine who had shoulder surgery last year told me that's what she does to keep from waking up in pain.  (Her procedure was different, but I think the reason it's hurting now is just stiffness in the joint, which would be the same for both of us.)  I don't exactly understand the physiology behind why that would work, except that it's probably like the pillow in the sling I was chained to for eight weeks; it just puts space in the socket.  (That's a guess.)

I'm aware this is an ad for alcohol, and their meaning is not mine, but challenge is the fertilizer of a great life!!  We remember the bumps in the road, not the smooth sailing!!

I did actually wake up three times in the night.  (I think that was all my better half's "fault".)  However, instead of being in tremendous pain (as usual), I was able to go back to sleep two of the three times and only got up the third time because it was legitimately MORNING!!!!!  The sun was coming up and everything!!!  GLORIOUS MORNING!!!

To make things even better, it didn't take nearly as long this morning to get down to a comfortable level of discomfort.  Most mornings I am convinced that I should either call the dr as soon as their office opens, or maybe just start driving to Birmingham right then, because something has gone terribly WRONG.  You would think I would be used to the routine by now, but I am an "in-the-moment" kind of gal (in case you didn't know that already!).

Speaking of "in-the-moment"...Thursday I had a moment that caught me completely off guard.  I was sitting at lunch and my friend asked me how my shoulder was doing and I realized that not only did it not hurt right then, I didn't even NOTICE it...I wasn't even AWARE of it...I couldn't even FEEL it!!!  It was GLORIOUS to feel like a normal person after a year and a half of being in a continuum of "aware of it" up to "wow that hurts so bad I think I want it cut off to stop the pain!".    (I wish I was kidding...)

I think it will be a long while before I'm not aware of it more than I am on the other 99% of the spectrum, but for now I'll take sleeping through the night!!

Until next time...  :D

Swimming-Just Like Riding a Bike

Photo credit:  Olivia Locher; found HERE

A week ago Monday I was cleared by the doctor to do "anything I want".  I know, he then had to go and add "within reason" but my mind heard "anything I want" and replays it over and over again.  I'm having to very consciously protect myself against the big bad wolf.  On Monday I was telling some athletes from my Spin class about what I had done since being cleared; one of them looked at me and rolled her eyes saying, "and you call that reasonable?" (or something to that effect).  It made me stop and think for a minute.  Well...yes...I think so.

You're wondering now what I have done, aren't you?  (If not, skip this paragraph!)  Wednesday I taught Spin for an hour long (fairly tough) class and did PT (stretching and about 75 minutes of upper body work).  Thursday I taught a 45 minute (not so tough) Spin class and did about 40ish minutes upper body strength training.  Friday I taught a 45 minute Spin class (I'd call it fairly tough) and did PT.  Saturday I ran/walked 3.5 miles (run 5 walk 1) and did some of my PT stretches.  Sunday I ONLY did at home PT stuff (not as much upper body strength).  Monday I taught Spin class (I'd call it moderately tough) and did PT (including 75ish minutes of upper body strength).  Then Yesterday

I SWAM!!!

I'm pretty sure that was the first time in the water since IMLT!!  ((I could be wrong about that, but I'm almost certain.))  I was really nervous about going.  My daughter was laughing at me and said, "okay, just tell the lifeguards to watch you closely since you haven't swam since your IRONMAN".  That made me laugh at myself.  Swimming is like riding a bike...it's not like I would have forgotten how!

However, I knew it wasn't going to be totally great when I had a lot of trouble even doing the dynamic warm up.  I was shocked at the difference in the left shoulder/arm.  The really good news is that when I got in and started swimming, other than the pain it felt really good to be back in the water.  My form wasn't 100% spot on, but it really was like riding a bike.  My body got right into the catch/pull groove.  Even better, I haven't lost a lot of speed.  Endurance is nonexistent, but that's to be expected.  I think the best news is that I don't think I feel any more pain today than usual!!

On tap for today is Spin and PT.  Tomorrow is Spin and possibly another swim!  I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

Until next time.  :D

*Did you know it's apparently illegal to ride a bike in a swimming pool in California?!  I found that out here when I was searching for a picture to use for this post.  By the way, the picture used is copy written by Olivia Locher.

I'll Huff and I'll Puff and I'll Blow Your House Down

We all know the story of the Three Little Pigs.  The first pig builds his house of straw; the wolf comes and blows it down.  The second builds his house of twigs; the wolf comes and blows it down.  The third builds his house of bricks; the wolf comes in through the chimney.

When I started running, I basically built my running fitness out of straw.  I didn't have a foundation and the "walls" were very weak. Consequently, I ended up getting hurt.    After taking five weeks off, I was able to run again.  I talked about strength training quite a bit, but I really didn't know what to do at the time so I "built my house out of sticks" and simply added biking and swimming to my running.  I thought I was doing well to add yoga to the mix.

Quite a while later I had a little issue with my knee.  (Can you hear the "WHOOSH" sound of the big bad wolf's hot air?)  After the requisite five weeks off, I came back strong at Wet Dog, moving right back into a house of sticks!!

Then this issue hit with my shoulder in September 2012.  Fifteen months worth of issue.  If you've followed my blog for long, you'll know I had surgery January 2014.  Unfortunately, it wasn't five weeks off this time, it was EIGHT.

From the time I was told I needed surgery until yesterday I was making plans about "building my house of bricks" when the time came.  I was thinking through how I wasn't going to start running/biking/swimming right out of the gate.  I was going to work on general strength--core, arms, legs, even respiratory muscles!  No more big bad wolf for me.  Strong foundation and strong walls, that was the plan.

Until I heard, "you can do what ever you WANT to!"

WANT!  What I want is to race McKay Hollow on March 22nd.  I want to start training for another IronMan.  I want to get out on my bike.  That's like when my husband says "what do you WANT to eat?"  What I WANT is pizza, ice cream, Mexican, lasagna, Kit Kat, Nutty Bars...and the list goes on.  I don't WANT salad and grilled chicken.

Pig number one and number two WANTED to have fun.  They wanted to play all day.  They didn't WANT to take the time to build a solid foundation and solid walls.  And...clearly they weren't thinking about the big bad wolf!  Pig number three however took the time on the front end to prepare a good footing.  He properly stacked brick and mortar, and obviously put in a sizable fireplace because when the big bad wolf couldn't blow number three's house down, that wolf ended up in a soup pot!!

I'm not saying I won't be running/swimming/Spinning*, but I can say I will be doing so sparingly while I work on my masonry skills!  I'd rather have wolf soup than be forced to take five or eight (or more) weeks off again!!


Until next time....  :D

(*My surgeon said Spin is okay but no biking right now.)

FREE AT LAST!! (...within reason)

I know it's a bit melodramatic, but have you met me??

I went to the doctor yesterday and his exact words were, "you can do what ever you want to now!"  (That wasn't my surgeon, it was a Fellow who was working with him.)  As soon as he saw the elation on my face, he back pedaled a little bit and had to go and add the words, "within reason".

Two little words--such huge impact.  I mean, really, what does that mean anyway?  My "within reason" probably looks very compared to someone whose only activity is surfing the web.

Progress...

I'll bet you thought I was never going to post again.  (Okay, so maybe you really didn't miss me at all...)

This is the longest I've gone without writing a blog post, but I have good reason.  Sort of.

As I explained, I had to have surgery January 7th.  The dr who performed the operation told Dwayne that my rotator cuff and labrum looked great but the bicep tendon was "a mess".  If you look at the photo, you can see the bicep muscle has two tendons that attach it to the shoulder.  The long head (number 10) runs across the top of the arm bone, the short head (number 5) goes in front of the arm.  Using this photo as a reference, basically the doctor cut out most of the white part of number 5 out and then attached the end of the muscle to my arm bone.  There's a graphic youtube video here of a procedure like mine if you are interested.  (As a warning, I actually like watching surgery videos, but this one almost made me sick...maybe it's because I kept thinking about it being done to ME which puts a whole new aspect on watching!)

The surgery went well, and I'm now five weeks out.  The worst part about the whole thing has not been the not-working-out part (although that has been extremely tough).  It has been the wearing of the mammoth sling.  I just realized I don't have a picture of me in it to share with you, but this is pretty much the same one I'm wearing.  It's not horrible torture during the day, but it's a real nuisance to sleep with it on.  From what I understand I have three more weeks of captivity.

Physical therapy started the day after surgery.  I've been going three times a week.  I've always heard how painful shoulder rehab is, and I'm certainly not going to dispel that rumor.  However, I will say that since my rotator cuff and labrum weren't injured, my rehab has been much better than it would have been had that not been the case.  I am almost at 100% range of motion for a normal person.  Unfortunately (fortunately?) I am very flexible which means I still have quite a ways to go before the left arm matches what the right arm can do.

If you have ever seen a house being built, you know how at first it goes up so fast you can't imagine that it will really take months to be finished, then progress slows to a snail's pace and you wonder if it will ever be DONE?  Well...I'm at the snail's pace right now.

Last week I started a new stretch (the "towel stretch").  Before I got hurt I looked like the guy pictured.  After working for a week, I have gone from barely being able to get the back of my left hand to my left hip, to being able to grab the end of a long towel behind my back.

That.  Is.  Progress.

Progress is, by definition movement toward a goal, advancement, growth, development and/or continuous improvement.  I am making progress.  I do see that.  But, I have to look really close to notice.  At least once every day I think (and more often than not, I say) "I'm never going to be able to X again."  (X is anything I am wanting to do that I can't manage at this point in time -ride a bike, swim, run, move without pain...)  I do realize that it's ONLY been five weeks.  But, come on...it's been FIVE WEEKS already.

Of course, it's been six weeks since I have written a post and you probably barely even noticed I was gone.  Sometimes ---okay, most of the time--- progress is just a matter of perspective.  When you are right of top of a situation, or very close to it, you may not notice the changes.  Step away and things seem to happen over night.  (That's why they say a watched pot "never" boils.)

I have a lot more to report on, but for now, I'll leave you with this little gem I found when I searched for a picture of a snail to add to the post.  Enjoy.  Until next time. :D

...but I Get Up Again

You know that song (WARNING...earworm about to strike...)  "I get knocked down, but I get up again...you're never gonna keep me down".  I think it's actually called "Tubthumping" but I have no idea why.  (Are you singing the song in your head?  You're welcome.)

That feels like exactly where I'm at...getting knocked down, getting up again only to be knocked down again.

Back on May 14th (so that's like 26 days ago) I had a Medial Branch Nerve Ablation.  Basically some nerve endings in the vertebrae of my neck were burned.  The doctor told me my symptoms would get worse for a bit then gradually go away.  Thankfully that has been my experience!  There have been some days I have NO PAIN (or even discomfort) at all!  I have been able to run a decent 5K and a PR 10K.  I even had a few "good" swim workouts.

And then...I started getting sick.  I'll spare you the run down, but I actually started noticing it a week ago Thursday.  But, come on.  I JUST started training again.  This happens every time and I know it.  When I start buckling down my body revolts a little.  This time it revolted a lot.  I finally took myself to the doctor and found out I was probably on the verge of walking pneumonia!!  She said it wasn't there yet, but all things considered, if I had continued to ignore things that's where I would probably have wound up.  Who knows if my body could have fought this off if I had rested more in the beginning.  ((If I'm being honest I would probably say it could have, but I'm going to stick with
there's no way to know for sure and leave it at that!))  But, as it is I've had to skip workouts since Wednesday (unless you count sitting on the Spin bike for 2 hours, which I can't say that I really do).

However...I get knocked down, but I GET UP AGAIN!!  I'm starting to feel human again (at least a little bit).  I'll start (again) on Monday.   This is a serious exercise in patience and in relentless forward movement.  Sometimes that looks like stillness, but the truth is I'm just recharging so I can put more effort into my "forward"!

Thanks for stopping by...come again soon! :D

Two Steps Forward...How Many Steps Back??

The Dance of Injury Recovery...

 A week ago Wednesday I went to see a new doctor who ended up performing a diagnostic procedure on me that really worked.  I went this past Tuesday for the "real thing" (a Medial Branch Radio Frequency Neurolysis).  (I'll try to write up a post on what all that really means this week sometime.)

I was really glad the doctor managed my expectations well because if he had not I'd be very discouraged about right now.  He told me to expect a greater level of discomfort at first then it would settle down to my "normal" level for about four weeks and THEN it will feel like it did the day of the diagnostic block.

Tuesday night I was in pain.  I slept quite a bit and then went to bed early!  I woke up Wednesday unsure if I could teach Spin, but I didn't have a sub lined up so I figured I'd try.  I was a bit stiff at first, but after I got warmed up I felt GREAT and had an excellent workout with a great class. 

Thursday I had planned to run with some friends...it didn't start off well but not because of my neck/shoulder/arm.  My left leg wasn't happy.  After I stopped and stretched a bit and walked it out I was able to finish up strong.  Immediately after that one of the athletes I'm coaching was going to be doing speed work so I planned to go to the track to yell at encourage her.  I told her I didn't think I'd be able to DO the workout with her but when we got done with the warm up and a few strides, I was feeling spunky so I thought I'd see what I could do.  Let me just say it wasn't easy, but it certainly wasn't hard.  I was glad I was coaching and that wasn't my workout for the day, although it was certainly a workout nonetheless!!  My athlete made some GREAT improvements and, I think, learned some valuable information that will help her in the future.  And, I got a big ole heaping dose of encouragement in terms of how my body was feeling.

Friday morning I taught Spin and felt really good through class.  Then...(play creepy scary-movie music)...I swam.


I wish I had better news to relay.  I wish I could say how great it was to be back in the water.  I wish I could talk about how encouraged I was.

I can't.

It hurt.

Bad.

I didn't swim a lot.  I was actually coaching so it wasn't MY workout (once again).  I did that by design.  I knew if it felt GREAT there was a chance I would overdo it.  I also knew if it felt bad I would have to try to keep a positive attitude.  I didn't do the best job at that, but at least I didn't cry!  The truth is, it wasn't as bad as it has been.  I was able to swim some.  I got some excellent coaching from Eric (since he happened to walk in about the time we were finishing up).  But, the truth is also that it wasn't as good as I had hoped it would be.  It certainly wasn't as good as it had been running/spinning.

However...when I woke up Saturday morning...I was ready to go race a 5K!!  :D  I had no idea what I would be capable of since I haven't been training other than the little bit of speed work Thursday (which should have kicked my butt but didn't).  I ended up running a MUCH hillier-than-expected 5K in 26:53.   They had 10 year age groups, so in the 40-49 year olds I came in 4th out of 24.  (First place was 22:07, 2nd 24:28, 3rd was 26:06.)  I ran about as hard as I was prepared to run.  It did NOT feel good, but I wasn't killing myself either.  I was talking which always tells me I'm not working as hard as I "could" but for that day it was as hard as I was going to.  Also...I didn't get any kind of warm up!  I walked out of the bathroom planning to go run a mile to get ready to race, and they made a big announcement for everyone to listen up.  They proceeded to have 15 minutes of presentations.  This race is a special race for a local man, David McKannan, who lost his battle to ALS this last year.  I wasn't about to go trot off to do a warm up when they were talking about his life and battle.

Oh...and...it started pretty much up hill!  I'm pretty darn pleased with that 26:53 time, all things considered!!

I woke up this morning and ran/walked just over six miles.  I was with an athlete who was having some issues we needed to work through otherwise I was feeling good enough I could have run the whole thing.

I had planned on riding my bike today but after church and lunch I was in a fair amount of pain so I decided to take a nap instead!  I know my mom is reading this scared to death that I'm not taking it easy enough.  Don't worry, Mother, I really am.  It's just that "easy" is relative and my "easy" doesn't look like it does for a lot of people.

I have no doubt my body will be ready to teach Spin again in the morning...and then I'm going to get back in the water for some chlorine therapy.  I'm keeping in mind the doctor said I'd be at my "normal" level of pain for a while.  That hasn't really been the case so far.  Other than when I was swimming, I haven't really had pain in my shoulder.  It's been confined to my neck.  THAT is VERY encouraging to me.  I know I've taken steps forward this week.  I can't honestly say if I've taken any back.  I may not be where I WANT to be (uh...there's 17 weeks until my Ironman)...but I'm not where I was a week ago either.

Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!  :D