The week before I started the process I got to go out to Pittsburgh with a dear friend. I lived it up large on all the best food the city had to offer because, "I'm starting a detox when I get back!!" Consequently by the time I got back the "couple of pounds" was a bit more than that! I did lose a few pounds but what I learned far surpassed that superficial loss.
I've known for a very
long time I have a pretty strong addiction to food. Seriously.
Everyone has to eat to live...but a lot of times I think I live to eat.
I think about food all day long. I go to the pantry about 20 times a
day. The only reason I don't weigh 600 pounds is because most of the
time my obsession about food leans the other way. I am not anorexic and
have never been, nor am I nor or have I ever been bulimic. It's not
for the lack of trying. I seriously bought syrup of ipecac one time
because I have almost no gag reflex and could not make myself throw up
not matter what I did. I very quickly became desensitized to the
effects; the last time I took it, I had to take three times the dosage,
and all it really did was make me feel very ill-but didn't produce the
(TMI, I know....but I'm trying to come clean about some things here...)
I read an article recently on WebMD regarding food addiction. Among other things it said, "Experiments in animals and humans show that, for some people, the same reward and pleasure centers of the brain that are triggered by addictive drugs like cocaine and heroin
are also activated by food, especially highly palatable foods." Some
people might use that as an excuse, but I see that as information I can
use. I am addicted. Food does give me pleasure. But that pleasure is
not good for me any more than cocaine or heroin are good for me.
I do have to eat. No, I don't think eating should be an unpleasant
experience. But...when I look at WHY I am eating and retrain my core
beliefs about that I can break the addiction.
I started writing the above post back in April. I intended to write a post about the detox I did and all that I learned. There's no telling why I stopped mid-post. But, here I am four month later and I can't honestly tell you what exactly I learned, other than what I already really knew...I'm addicted to food.
I'd love to say I had not had times of scarfing down a whole package of Oreos or a whole bag of Salt and Vinegar potato chips after I "rehabbed" but that would be a bold faced lie. I'd love to tell you that my diet is sugar free most of the time, but that wouldn't be true either since my favorite almond milks, the ones I drink every single day, have sugar in them. I'd love to tell you I don't have any days when my food log shows a number so low for net calories I would get on to me if I were my own coach...but if you looked very hard, you could find my log and see that would be a lie, too. (You'd also see I stopped logging a long time ago because I thought I had it under control....until today when my coach asked me to start logging food. I quickly realized I was going to have to add quite a bit to my planned dinner in order to not have to lecture myself with the same words I've been giving one of my athletes lately..."you'd got to eat if you want to train!")
I'd love to tell you I have it all figured out and have all the answers...and sometimes I don't think that's far from true, but I don't LIVE them every day so there has to be something I'm missing!!
I think life is not about living it in a state of "all figured out"...it's about the journey.
Thanks for joining me on my journey.