Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Why I Write

Run Like A Mother "always" has questions after each post.   Usually I can't even write a comment because the question of the day sparks so many thoughts in my head that it would end up being a whole post in and of itself!!

Today I decided to do just that-write my own post in response.

Why I write about what I run is (as usual with me) a complicated question.  (That's not their question, but it's the question that their question sparked inside of me...if that makes sense.)

You know, I started "training" in January by walking 30 minutes.  Saturday I ran 5 miles in 61 minutes, walking only six minutes of that time...and a full three minutes and 45 seconds were walking up a hill...so really I only took 2 one minute walk breaks!!!  That's an amazing accomplishment.  What's sad about it is that it feels inconsequential to me...meager.

Last night we were at dinner with some friends and Dwayne (thinking he was bragging on me) told them about me being up to five miles.  I was actually embarrassed.  It felt like "Hey, my wife gets out of bed in the morning!"  How crazy is that???  I can't even really say I'm a runner yet because I don't run the full time.  I TOOK 2 ONE MINUTE WALK BREAKS IN FIVE MILES....I HAVE BEEN GOING OUT 4 TIMES A WEEK (other than injury weeks) FOR SIX WEEKS.  When will I allow myself to say I'm a runner?  Is there a mileage quota I have to make.

You know, I had this same debate with myself when I started my other blog, but it was about calling myself a writer.  (BTW, I declared that day I was a writer, but that's worn off, I can't say that anymore...I have no idea why, I just can't.)

What is it about me that "never" feels good enough.  Nothing I do is ever enough --FOR ME.  Everyone around me can tell me, "good job"...and I still beat myself up for imperfection.


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Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!
:D

2 comments:

  1. There are a lot of people that will tell you remaining self-dissatisfied will keep you working harder. I guess there may be some merit in that, but I am just too much of an optimist to believe that thinking you are not good enough has any real value.

    How can you not look in the mirror and not FIRST remember that you have recently dedicated yourself to training? That by itself should make you feel pretty awesome.

    And dude, labels? Really? I could pound on this keyboard until blogger sent me a cease and desist order about the meaninglessness of labels. Get this - if you run you are a runner, period. You don't have to challenge Paula Radcliffe or Usain Bolt for the right to call yourself a runner.

    You are a rock star for defeating that hill.

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  2. I think that if you're going faster or farther than is comfortable, then you're running. If you run, then you're a runner. In my book, you're a runner.

    You like to write and you like to run. Makes pretty good sense to me as to why you do it.

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Don't hold back, tell it like it is....