It's About Time (Part 2)

....We walked down to the race area (maybe a block or two from our hotel)...it wasn't at all as electric as I expected.  I remember when I did the Race for the Cure in Little Rock back in 1996 (wow, that was a long time ago!), it was like the air itself was electrically charged!   (...I don't think it was just me feeling it that morning, but maybe it was since it was my very first race.)  This race actually seemed strangely calm despite the thousands of people (mostly women).

We looked around for the others in our group (we didn't all stay in the same hotel)...we were especially looking for the woman who had agreed to pace Speedy to a sub-2 hour finish (a goal that was abandoned once they were out on the roller-coaster of a course).  Not finding her, MV8r and I left Speedy at her coral (the third), and walked back to the fourth coral (where I had been assigned-according to expected finish times).  MV8r has done many halfs and, if I'm not mistaken, her worst finish time up to that date was like 2:17:XX; she was supposed to be in the second coral but she graciously moved back in order to run with me!  ((She also hadn't done any running in a couple of weeks, and was coming off not only a week-long Mexican vacation, but moving to a new apartment (read: up and down stairs a countless number of times)!!))

As we found our place, in true Dana fashion, I started making new friends!  Conveniently our names were printed on our bibs, making the process of meeting new people so much easier!!  I believe the gal I met at the start was named Angela.  We chatted about how it was the first half ever for both of us and how we thought we should place ourselves between the 2:30 and 2:45 pace groups.   About that time the announcer started saying things we couldn't understand....until he said Jo Dee Messina was going to sing the National Anthem!  Even with all those people, an eerie silence fell across the crowd-and that's when the electricity of the moment hit me!!  Just a few short minutes later, the race was started.  ((I never heard any kind of sound other than cheers from the front corals.))  After about five minutes of inching forward like cattle, we finally crossed over the start line (maybe not five, but that's what it felt like!).

MV8r and I had decided beforehand we were going to stick to a 5/1 run/walk interval and shoot for a 12:00 pace overall.  My main concern was starting out too fast, as is my M.O. for all the races I've done so far...but with all the people there wasn't much danger of that anyway.  What shocked me was how many people (who started IN FRONT OF ME) were walking!  I have heard on numerous occasions some of marathoners' biggest pet peeves are:

1. walkers who start too close to the front
2. runners who suddenly start walking right in front of you without looking behind them
3. walkers who don't move over to the sides of the course, and
4. people who walk several abreast (making a WALL for you to navigate around)

Let me tell you----I GET IT NOW!!!  I used to think all of that was just runners' bravado.  You know, "I'm a REAL RUNNER so I hate everything that has to do with walking."  NO, IT'S NOT!!  All of those things really are INCREDIBLY ANNOYING to say the very least.  Since I knew I was going to be run/walking, I purposely started further back, and "always" made sure I was over to the side, with no one behind me at each walk interval.  It's completely understandable to be dodging people at the start of a race-there are thousands of bodies moving in the same direction, naturally you're going to have to move around other racers....but for people to be walking within the first TENTH of a mile---they should have started further back.  Yes, it's possible some of them may have gotten hurt right out off the starting pad, but THEY SHOULD HAVE MOVED TO THE SIDE.

Shockingly, the first hill was at about the half-mile mark!!  (Seriously, look at the elevation map on my Garmin data.)

If you look at the elevation information and change it to "time" instead of "distance", you'll see that we ran the ever-so-slight downhill the first 5 minutes, walked our one minute...and then got to run the up hill section!  This pattern of starting run intervals either at the base of an uphill stretch, or in the process of moving uphill continued the WHOLE time I was running intervals!!  But, I think (for me) it worked out just fine because if we would have decided to walk the ups and only run the downs/flats, we'd have been walking pretty much half of the WHOLE race, if not more!

I really wasn't paying attention to any other runners around me...other than the walls of walkers who were continually stopping, in the middle of the road, right in front of me, without bothering to look behind them first!!  (Okay, I promise not to mention that, in this post, again...I'll have to devote a whole post to this very thing...it was THAT annoying!)  I tried to take in the sights of the course.  I wanted to be able to remember everything I saw.

However, the main things that caught my eye were other runners' forms!  Not as in body shapes, but running form and gait!  Since I just started coaching, I have learned to pay very close attention to it.  There were MANY runners (run/walkers) out there with HORRIBLE (read: injury causing) form.  MV8r and I talked about how hard it was not to run up alongside some of them and give some instruction.  Yes, everyone has their own running style; there are things that matter and things that don't.  But, if you are favoring one side and pounding one foot over and over...you're going to develop an injury.  If you are running bent over at the waist or shuffling your feet in mile one of a half marathon, chances are really high you're going to develop an injury.  If I can see you over-pronating, without the use of a slow-motion replay, chances are really high you're going to develop an injury.

I finally had to tell myself to stop watching anyone else, and just focus on myself.  I could NOT get over how strong I felt.  I hadn't really trained per se for the race.  I had run a couple of six-milers and an eight-miler with no walk intervals...and ran/walked a 10-miler, but I can't say I was even close to being prepared to run 13.1 miles.  I had certainly NOT prepared for hills other than the slight inclines on the trail I usually run (which has a total elevation gain of about 137', whereas the race route had a total elevation gain of about 635'!!).  Not to mention I had two very bad running weeks leading up to that day, plagued with weird pains and low energy.

I had to wonder if it was race-endorphins or something that would crash halfway through, leaving me crawling at the end.  It was that fear that kept me running what felt almost painfully slow.  I'm not even close to being fast, but I felt like I could have easily picked up the pace.  Even going up all those torturous hills felt relatively easy.  MV8r told me fairly early on she knew she was in trouble because her quads were fried.  When she said that, the "crash and burn" fear washed over me like acid rain!!  I wondered if I was fooling myself with a delusion of strength.  Funny...I NEVER have that feeling (that I'm delusional) when I think I'm hurting!

Anyway...we were at about mile five, going up yet another nasty hill when I lost MV8r.  I looked around and she had disappeared.  When I got the top, I ran in place until I saw her (only a few seconds really).  I realized I had run through the last walk interval because I had pulled away from her as we were moving up the hill but, again, I felt so strong I didn't feel like I needed a break even after going up the hill so we kept moving.  She told me that I was going to have to pull away from her because she knew she wasn't going to be able to continue on the pace we were setting with her knees feeling the way they were.  I protested and reminded her I didn't have a time goal and said I would happily stay with her because I did NOT want to be in danger of speeding up and then keeling over at the end, or worse, before the end and not even being able to finish the race.

She assured me that as strong as I was feeling at mile five/six, if I kept up a run/walk interval and stayed at about a 12:00 pace, I would certainly do just fine.  She said if I started to feel bad, I just needed to increase the walk, or decrease the run interval, or slow down.  She kept telling me I really needed to run my own race because I would regret it if I didn't...so at the next uphill section when I pulled away, with a little tear in my eye, I just kept on going.

No, I'm not exaggerating here, I had a little tear of excitement, and a tear of sadness.  I was happy to be feeling as strong as I was, but at the same time I loved every minute running/walking with her and was completely enjoying the experience of being with her in the race.  (I think secretly she just needed some silence because I'm such a talker!!)

Well....did I mention that MV8r was also the timer of our duo??  Although I was wearing my Garmin, and I do know how to program intervals, I hadn't done that because I didn't see the need for both of our wrists to tell us when to change pace.  When I pulled away from her I tried to do some math in my head in order to determine when I should walk next, but I quickly abandoned the idea and instead decided I would just run until I didn't feel like it.  But, again, the crash and burn fear welled up inside of me like gas bubbles from bad chili.  Not only did I start to worry about going to fast, I worried about what not walking would do, and just for good measure, I threw in worry over the fact I hadn't been able to poop all morning long!!

Yes, I'm a real runner...I can talk about poop!  Usually I'm able to get that taken care of first thing in the morning...it's like clockwork!!  The only variation is before breakfast or after, but it's an EVERY morning kind of thing....until that morning.  I tried and tried, to no avail.  (By this point in the race I had taken in 2 packets of Gu, and all I could think was "Gu Doo" would strike any minute.)  There seemed to be plenty of port-o-lets (when did they stop being called port-o-potties??), but I began to be consumed with the notion the urge would strike when I was no where near one....

I immediately "bean-o'ed" all those fear bubbles because I have learned, (begun to learn) all those negative thoughts and fears take a significant amount of energy.  They are a total energy zap.  Also, it was about this time I had entered the only out-and-back section of the race.  Naturally all the front runners had already gone by when I reached this section, but I figured Speedy, her pacer, and all the others from our group (aside from MV8r) would be coming toward me any second so I shifted my focus to the faces on the other side of the street.  It was more than just a little entertaining!!

On the "out" section of this stretch...it's down hill.  So as I was easily cruising a decline, the faces coming toward me had been fighting a steady up hill section pretty much the whole way "back" (which was not yet known to me).  I should have known there was something wrong when most of the faces looked like they had been washed with red coolaide...and there were some "cheer-leaders" at my mile 6.something with signs congratulating runners for making it "all the way up".

OH.....speaking of signs....I almost forgot, but I'm going to throw it in here...early on, there were a pair of guys sitting on the side of the race route with a big sign that said "SINGLE DOCTOR".  I told them they needed to have cards to pass out with their information because no one was going to stop in a race to chat with them!  There was another guy who had a sign that said "Women are my favorite people."  There were several others that I may (or most likely will not) remember...but I loved them all.  The  "cheerleaders" (meaning anyone who cheered) on the sidelines were probably my favorite thing about the whole race.  I loved it.  If I ran by a section of people not cheering, I would tell them, "feel free to cheer for me!!"--and they ALWAYS did!!  (And, since my name was no my bib, they cheered for me by name!!)

Anyway, at some point I spotted Speedy's pacer...and just a couple of steps behind her--SPEEDY!!!!  She was just behind the 2:00 pace group!!  I was so proud, you'd have thought it was me on the other side of the road instead of her!!  Not too terribly far behind them were several of the girls from our group--easily spotted since we were all wearing the same cute shirt!  About the time I went by the girls...I spotted another port-o-let...and remembered my failure to evacuate my bowels that morning.  For crying out loud, it was already about 8:30, I was at least two or three hours over due, and ...OH MY GOSH....OVER HALF WAY THROUGH MY FIRST HALF MARATHON!!!!!!

I've never really been one to practice visualization.  I've pretty much been of the mindset that it's a complete waste of time.  I'd rather be putting together a plan of HOW I'm going to do what ever it is I want to accomplish rather than sitting around day-dreaming about it.  But, at this point in the race, the proverbial hay was already in the barn...well, really, the hay was getting spread out to the livestock.  It was well past the point of planning, so I replaced all the fears of keeling over before the finish and poo-trepidations with visualizations of crossing the finish line at the end....running at a full on sprint with all the energy I was saving up by keeping my pace slow.  ((Since I was no longer doing intervals, I was keeping a pretty steady 12:00 pace.))

I should mention, this race course was COVERED with well-appointed aide stations.  They had gatorade and water, there were tables with bananas and other fruit (I think these were restaurants doing this, not the race itself), and they handed out Gu at the 1/2 way point.  I had a hand-held water bottle, and I was packing my own supply of Gu (taken before the start, 4 miles, 8 miles and then about mile 10.5 or 11), and Nuun tablets that I added to every other bottle of water (which I refilled by grabbing cups from volunteers at aide stations).  By the time I was just past the turn around point, I had already downed 3 packets of Gu, and at least 4 bottles of water.  I could feel a sloshing in my innards, not to mention I knew I would be going up hill for quite a while, so I made the decision to make a pit stop, unnecessary as it turned out to be, it at least allowed me to mark off my list the fear I would be running with pee (or worse) trickling down my leg!!

I worried that spending all those precious minutes dribbling droplets of pee would put me well behind MV8r...but after I got back on the course, I spotted her coming down the hill---with TWO other members of our group!!  I could NOT believe I wasn't last in our group!!  This, combined with the facts I had made it to the uphill cheerleaders and with how unbelievably strong I still felt, put a decided pep in my step.  It was short-lived as I came to YET ANOTHER up hill section.  I gave myself a one minute walk break, and then started running again.  I decided I was strong enough to push my pace a little faster, and dropped it down to between 10:30-11:30 until the next incline, which I decided to go ahead and walk.

By that point (mile tenish), the hills started to get the best of me.  The cheerleaders had started to thin just a little bit, it was getting hot, the idea that I was really running strong started to wear off (probably because I was pushing the pace and not running quite as strong as I had been when I was going a minute or so slower!)....and the fact that I felt so alone out there almost got the best of me.  I decided to find someone (or several someones) to talk to.  I chatted with several people, but no one really seemed to be in the mood, so I started cheering the cheerleaders!  I begged for cheers, I thanked them for being there, I found people to high five, I read signs and pretended they were for me...if a sign had a name on it, I would tell the person holding it, "I'll just pretend that says 'Dana' on it!"--and they would oblige with cheers for me.

It was GREAT.   I went from feeling just a little drained to feeling completely energized.  More than that I realized that I could have a modicum of control over how I was feeling.  I was walking up what I believed to be the last hill (because there was a woman behind me who kept saying it over and over--this is the last hill ladies)...and mustered up all my energy to make a surge to the top, when I rounded a corner to see....ANOTHER FREAKING HILL!!!!!  Not just a hill, but a long bridge--where you could see the whole freaking thing.  The elevation map doesn't do it justice (I'm pretty sure it is measuring the elevation of the ground -which was a river- rather than the actual road!).  I just started laughing at that point and decided the route was certainly made by a man trying to "show those women runners who's boss!!"

I found another person to talk to, Tammy from Nashville.  We walked up the incline together; she pulled ahead when we started running again.  I decided then and there I would keep her within sight, and at the 13 mile mark, I would close in on her and make her my person to beat!!  I know that might not sound nice, but truthfully, I had figured out that she stared out behind me, so she was already ahead of me time-wise, so there was no reason not to push ahead of her with my killer sprint!!  I wasn't actually sure I would be able to pull out the sprint bullet, until I got close to the cheering crowds!  By that time, Tammy had a considerable lead on me. 

But, in the last tenth of a mile, I pushed ahead as if she were standing still, with a finish time of 2:38:59!!!!  I could hear the announcer calling out my name as I ran over the finish mat (something like, "WAY TO FINISH STRONG DANA!!   GREAT FINISH LINE SPRINT")  I imagined my husband and kids there in the crowd cheering for me and I cried out in joy!!!!  The only two things that could have made it better would have been if my family would have actually been there to see it...and if I had a finish line photo of myself!!  I don't know why MarthonFoto didn't get a picture of me, but I'm going to say it was because I ended the race at a 6:00 pace in the middle of walkers, and runners moving at double that pace.  I was going so lightning fast they couldn't catch it on film!!  (can you hear the laughter in my voice??).

This post is already long enough, and the only one still reading is...well, probably just me--I don't think even my mother will still be reading!! ...so I'll give the after-the-finish-line recap in the next post!!!

Thanks for allowing me to be more than just a bit indulgent by giving the minute-by-minute recap.  There were so many thoughts, sights and sounds there's no way to capture it all in a blog post, but hopefully this will allow me to re-live the moment later on down the line.  ((At some point I'll add pictures.))

Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!
:D

It's About Time (Part 1)

It's been almost two weeks since I finished my first half marathon.  The newness of that reality is starting to wear off...and the sadness of the day is starting to lessen just a bit.  Several other sad things and many other happy things have taken the "headlines" spot of my life in the last two weeks.  I'm continually reminded to "make every day count".

Having said all that...I think it's time for me to try to write up a race recap.

I love reading recaps that other people write that are long and drawn out.  It makes me feel like I am there, running the course (usually much faster than I run when I'm in my own body!), experiencing the race through the eyes of the writer/runner.  I'm terribly sorry, but I can't write that kind of recap.  I don't have the memory to be able to store all the thoughts, sights, sounds, experiences and people I meet along the way in my mind, much less the writing ability to convey those things in a way that would keep you awake much less entertained.  But, I would like to record as much as I can so when I start forgetting I can look back on it and relive as much of the experience as I can.  (Honestly, I started forgetting before the race was over, so I'm spitting into the wind at best, but I'll still try!)

I rode up to Nashville with Speedy and the friend who loaned me her bike.  Okay...it's time to give her a name.  After thoughtful consideration...I'm going to call her Motorvator.  (She's a motivator and she's very driven, "motor"vator...I'll shorten that to MV8r.  It's not perfect, but it would be exceptionally hard to capture this person with just one name.)  Anyway...it was the perfect start to a great weekend.  We chatted the whole way to our hotel.  As we got closer, we saw the signs, the starting line area, and all the hoopla that goes along with a big race.

Our hotel was just a couple of blocks from the start line/expo so after we got checked in we walked over to pick up our "ultimate"ly disappointing goodie bag.  I don't know what I expected...probably more samples of junk I'd never use, or coupons that I'd just have to throw away, or trinkets that I'd feel bad about getting rid of but wouldn't be worthy of keeping around.  But, I'll admit I was let down by that one little thing.

I had vowed not to buy anything at the expo, excecpt a "meaningful" souvenir to commemorate my first ever half marathon.  I chose 13.1 and ENDURE beads for my (fake) Pandora.  I should have stopped there, but as we were walking by the Power Balance booth, we were "caught".  After an unbelievably convincing demonstration (performed on not only myself, but two of my running buddies and a complete stranger)...all four of us bought silicone wristbands for the low, low price of $25 each (which I'm really glad to see is a discount from the website price).  ((And, might I add...The Shaq believes it works, too!))


After we made it out of the expo, it was time for dinner.  Since just about anything that tastes good at a restaurant is on my "do not eat" list...going out to eat is not the fun it used to be.  Italian used to be my very all time favorite food.  I can remember a time in the not so distant past when 13.1 miles would have been a great excuse to belly up to an all-I-could-stuff-in-my-gullet-pasta-bar.  I'm still not happy over the fact that with the increase in mileage I can't also increase my consumption of starchy, saucey, garlicy, cheesy Sicilian delights.  Well...we went to what smelled like the best Italian place in Nashville, Buca di Beppo...and I ate....salad with plain Jane grilled chicken.  Thankfully Speedy has quite a bit of the same allergies as I do so we shared the...uh, yummy...salad (although she got to have a fantastic looking giant meatball).  As we munched like rabbits, the rest of our gang got to eat pizza and some fantastic looking/smelling pasta.  It was PURE TORTURE.

After torture-the-allergics was over, we went back to the room to set out our race clothes.  I wore a skirt I borrowed from MV8r, a super cute Nike singlet we had made for the race, my Sauconys, my new beads on a silver chain (also purchased at the expo-something to transfer the center charm out of my race medal), my white Nike sweats hat (well, at least it was white when I bought it), my fully charged and ready to go Garmin and my Power Balance wristband)....((yes, and Nike socks and my sports bra, duh)).  I also set out my Rice Energizer and apple juice for breakfast and my water bottle and my vanilla bean Gu for the race.

After making some plays on Words With Friends (I'm "DanaDeBard in case you play), and texting the fam, I laid my wittle head down on the comfy pillow to try to get some shut eye.  ...It might have worked if I weren't sleeping with Speedy, in a bed next to MV8r....it was like a bunkin party!  We chatted for a while like school girls....until we finally remembered we were running 13.1 miles in less than 12 hours and decided sleep was better than dishing about boys (just barely anyway).  Other than the 15 times I woke up worried that I wouldn't wake up with the alarm I got a good night's rest.

I woke up, ate drank my breakfast, brushed my teeth, got dressed in a flash, took some goofy pictures and we were ready to hit the road for the short block or so walk to the start line!!!

As I'm looking at these pictures, I can't even remember that morning.  I can't describe to you how different I feel now.  I honestly feel like that day was a turning point for me.  As if somehow 13.1 miles did something magical....or more likely, I was sleep deprived and don't clearly remember the morning!!  Neverthelesss....in my next post I'll try to recap the race.  (I won't do a good job of it at all, but I'm going to try anyway.)

Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!
:D

Happiness Eclipsed

There are no words to adequately describe how I've been feeling since my half-marathon.

I don't have that "day-after-Christmas" feeling.  I don't feel let down in the slightest.  I'm VERY pleased with how well I did.  ((In fact I'm in awe of my bad self...even though Speedy completely smoked my slow butt, which is a story for another day.))

I just can't get the tragedy of the day out of my mind.  (A runner died just short of the finish line.)

She was well-trained.  This was not her first race.  It wasn't overly hot that day.  There was PLENTY of aide on the course.  (Apparently she had some known heart problems.) 

I'm just so sad I can hardly allow myself to be happy over what I personally achieved that day.  Every time someone asks me how it went, I tell them, "Great, until after I was done with the race....."  I just don't feel like I can be happy for my own accomplishment without the overshadowing black cloud of sadness for this woman's family and friends.

I didn't know her and yet I feel this sense of loss because of her death.

I want to write about the course.  I want to write about my experience running this race.  I want to be amazed with what I did and how I did it.  I want to tell you about some of the funny things I saw...and yet....every time I sit down to write, all I can think of is this woman who lost her life just shy of the finish line.  I don't think it's healthy for me...and yet I can't quite figure out how to get past it.

From what I've gathered, this woman was a motivator.  She had organized a training group for this race.  She was very active and engaged in her life.  I'm SURE if she were here she would be the first to tell me to let it go and stop dwelling on the negative.

And yet, I'm grieving the loss of someone I never even met.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have the words I need to tell you all the things I want to say.  For now, I'll just keep trying to get them out!

Thanks for reading.  Come again soon.

Bittersweet

I've bee sitting here for hours trying to sting my thoughts together to form a coherent post....I don't think it's going to happen.  So, I'll just do what I usually do--write to make sense of things.

I can not describe the feelings I had Saturday morning.  I didn't have a goal, other than to finish the race.  I was, strangely, NOT nervous at all.  I got very excited, but I don't think there was a point in time when I became "nervous".  I got to wear a KILLER running skirt thanks to my wonderful friend (I'll have to think of a good name for her) who also had shirts made up for everyone in our group of 13.  I have never felt so stylish at a race....but this being a Women's Half, I knew that would matter so I tried harder this time to think about what I was going to wear.  (Not to mention all the photo opportunities on the course!)  ((In case you are wondering....the picture on the right is a continuation of a goofy tradition that I started my first race...)

I wish I had been able to strap a camera onto my hat so I could record every single thing that I saw.  My Swiss-cheese memory is bad enough trying to remember a couple of things--this day was filled with things I didn't want to forget.  I made the decision not to take my camera because I didn't want to have to keep up with it, but it sure would have been nice to have some pictures of my own of the actual race.

Speedy had planned to go "all out" for this race (also her first half), and she has some fantastic training under her belt from the 13.1 training group to back up her goals, so she lined up in coral three.  I, on the other hand, had decided beforehand to be happy with finishing and lined up in coral four.  My seasoned runner friend who loaned me the awesome skirt graciously lined up with me, even though she was slated to be in coral two.  We planned to run/walk with a 5/1 interval...which we held for quite a while.  At some point (I'll have to upload my Garmin data to remember when) I pulled away from my friend a little bit and then lost her.  She had not run at all in two weeks, and the course was ridiculously hilly.  I considered holding back a little bit, but I felt really good so when she told me I really needed to run my own race, I decided to just go ahead and run ahead.

The bad thing was she was my timer!  She told me ahead of time to set my own watch in case we got separated, but I didn't.  I thought I could watch the time even if I didn't have set interval alarms.  I could have done that, but it was stressing me out trying to think about it, so I decided to let all that go and just run at a nice slow pace and gave myself full permission to walk at any time I felt like I needed to.  I ended up running pretty much the rest of the time.  I stopped once to use the bathroom (I should have waited until I really NEEDED to go instead of making a preemptive pee stop because once I was in the -nasty- port-o-let, I realized I barely had to go at all.)  ...and I walked up a couple of hills (more out of fear than need).

I finished in 2:38:59, with a pace of 12:08.  I came in 323rd in my age group (out of 620), and 2076th out of 3883 finishers.  Speedy (who EARNED her name on this race) came in at 2:12:58, 927th overall and 208th out of 740 in her age group!!  (Her pace was 10:09.)

After everyone in our group had their medals and had gotten some pictures made and had some water and bananas....the three of us (speedy, nameless friend and I) started over to our hotel room.  Right at the point we had to cross over the home stretch of the course, there was an ambulance blocking part of the road.  I would have been oblivious to what was going on but someone made a comment that made me look over.  I won't go into details, but from what I have gathered after the fact, a woman (whose name I won't mention here because I don't want a Google search to bring up this blog with pictures of me smiling wearing my medal....) collapsed as she was going into the finish.  She apparently had some known heart issues and had suffered a heart attack.  Again, I won't go into details, but she passed away a short time later.

In case you're wondering, that is why the title is "bittersweet", and why I've been sitting her for so long trying to put my thoughts together.  Writing hasn't really helped me process...so I'm sorry for the babble.  I'll put together a real post in a couple of days....actually, knowing all the different thoughts swirling around in my noggin, most likely a series of posts.

Please, take care of yourself.  Do things you love and don't live in fear....but take care of yourself.  And, tell people you love them....all the time.

I love you guys...thanks for reading.

Race Thoughts-Women's Half Marathon

I don't feel like I'm about to "run" a half marathon.

Maybe because I know I'm not going to run the whole time.  I am going into it with a run/walk plan.  I know, in my mind, it's still 13.1 miles.  But, knowing I won't be running the whole time, and knowing there's a very generous time limit (20:00/mile) just makes it seem like it's not that big of a deal.  When I ran/walked ten miles a couple of weeks ago, I did get tired of being out there toward the end....but mainly I think because I was bored with it.  There weren't throngs of people cheering me on.  I wasn't out there with hundreds, okay, thousands, of other women moving toward a common finish line.

I'm excited to be going...but it doesn't feel like I thought it was going to feel.  I'm excited, but not as excited as I was before my first race.  Maybe I'm confusing "excited" with "nervous"?  That's a real possibility.  I was extremely nervous before my first race....heck, I've been extremely nervous before every race I've done.  Until now.  Maybe I will be, but for right now I'm not even the least bit nervous at all.

I think, again, it comes down to expectations.  Before my first race (Wounded Warrior 3K) I had the expectation, maybe I should say the hope that I would run the whole time.  That was my goal....and I did it.  Before my second race (Cookie Dash 5K) I had the hope of running "fast", and not walking.  I didn't quite make the goal of not walking, but I did better than I expected to do as far as time goes.  Before my third race (Steeple Chase 8K) I just wanted to finish and run the whole time...and (other than an about 10 second loss of sanity toward the end, I did just that).  Before my fourth race (Cotton Row 10K) I just wanted to be able to run without hurting myself worse, which I did.  Before my fifth race (Running of the Bulls 5K/1 mile fun run), I had very high expectations/hopes.  I was very disappointed in myself because I really felt like I let myself down by not meeting those expectations....even though I PRed.

I think that's why this time I'm going into this "race" with no expectations or even hopes of what it will be like or what kind of "performance" I'll do.  I think another reason is that I'm going to this race with a big group of very accomplished runners.  I'm, by far, the slowest one of the group.  At the same time, since this race "strongly encourages" walkers (and gives an incredible amount of time to finish the race to prove it), I KNOW I will not even be close to the back of the pack (barring injury of course).  I don't have hopes of middle of the pack, but I "know" I won't be in the bottom fourth.

My goal is to have a good time with friends.  My only hope is to be fully present in the moment and to allow the excitement of the day engulf me, but not swallow me up.  I want to be a part of it, not be a spectator of it.  Does that make sense?  I wish my family would be there to cheer me on...but no doubt there will be a lot of "stand-ins" there who will be cheering!!  It's really cool because my name will be printed on my race bib, so I can "expect" to have someone cheer for me by name!!

By the way....my migraine is still there lurking in the back of my head.  It seems to come and go in waves.  As long as I don't feel sick to my stomach again (like I did Tuesday night), I'm okay.

Thanks for listening to my ramble!!  Come again soon!
:D

Migraine, perhaps??

I don't know what is going on with my body!

I feel horrible.  My head is still pounding.  The ringing in my ears that has played in my head like quiet strains of muzac in an elevator for about a year now is blaring like a too-loud rock concert.  I thought it might be blood pressure related, but it's 108/62 and my pulse is 57.  (Pretty good, huh??!) ***Side note-I used to have a pounding heart beat...it has gotten significantly better since I started running.  My BP has always been on the low side of average, and even it has dropped a bit.

Okay, back to how bad I feel today.  I can't express to you how much I want to just go back to bed.  Actually, I did that already.  I took a nap before lunch.  What a slug!  I wish I could sleep until I feel better no matter how long that takes.  I HATE feeling bad.  Especially when I have no idea what's causing it.

I don't think I've eaten anything on "the list" all week, so I don't think that's it....wait, it's only Tuesday, huh?  Well, this would be day three since eating "bad" food.  That could be it.  From what I understand, it takes about three days to "detox".

THIS IS WHY I HAVE TO EAT CLEAN.  If I can't stay away from food I'm not supposed to have I'll never know if it's food that makes me feel like crap.  But, the ringing in the ears thing has been going on for a year now.  It gets better and worse but has not ever gone away.


Okay....enough about not feeling well.  Lamentations about it won't help.

My run yesterday morning was less than stellar.  It was my shortest run in a VERY long time.  I have strange niggling pains in various parts of my body...and I feel run down...and like I can't breathe.  But, when I got home and uploaded the Garmin data, I found out that my first mile was 10:23--much faster than I usually run.  Mile two, even with a couple of walk breaks, was 11:25 (which it more comfortable for me).  It was also stinking HOT out there.  Not only did I get a bit of a later start than usual, it's been hotter than it should be for FALL.  All-in-all, I'm okay with it.

....I wasn't okay with it until last night when I ran with the NOBO group I'm helping with.  I had the opportunity to run with someone who was really struggling.  I found myself telling her all the things I needed to hear.  (Imagine that, huh?)  She was really struggling to keep running (and lost that struggle many times).  She said, "I know when I get to the end, after I rest a few minutes, I'm going to feel like I should have been able to run the whole time, and that I could go do it again."  I told her, and myself at the same time..."You have to trust yourself. When you are done, and you are beating yourself up for taking these walk breaks, you have to tell yourself that you would have kept going if you could have.  It's easy to say, 'I could have done more/better or gone faster/longer' when you are sipping water after the fact.  But, right now, when you're out here doing it....do all you can so you can tell yourself you did all you could."

Okay, okay, I get it.  I'm not helping myself by berating myself after the fact.  It's hard to have a hard running week after having a good running week.  But, hopefully that means I'll have a good half marathon on Saturday!!

Speaking of the Women's Half Marathon in Nashville, Tennessee this Saturday September 25th, starting at 7am....my bib number is 4312.  I'm taking one for the team on this race...I'm going to be the last one in our group of runners to finish.   Someone has to be last in the group, so I'm volunteering for that spot so no one has to worry about it being them.  :D

Thanks for stopping, come again soon!

Race Recovery...

How do you recover after a 5K PR race and 1 mile PR "fun run"?  Go out the next morning and run 8.15 miles!!  Well, at least that's how I did it.

Last week I had two fantastic runs.  Monday I ran my usual trail with Daisy and didn't stop one time for a walk break...and came in STRONG.  Tuesday I ran the race course-again, no walk breaks and in a great time.  (Not to mention Monday night I ran 1.5 with the NOBO group, and Tuesday I did Hard Body's ab torture, and then did laps at the pool.)  But I hadn't gotten in a long run.  Speedy and another gal were getting together to do eight (GASP) Sunday morning...and when I realized I still felt great Saturday night, I decided I'd join them.

Well, by the time we all got there, the eight miler had dwindled down to a four or five miler.  I secretly jumped for joy that I could do four or five with them and then do three or four alone.  Only because I was very nervous and scared--just not sure if I could do it or not.  Being alone means not having to slow someone else down, and not having to worry about letting someone hear me gasp for air!

We got started and after the first half mile or so my legs loosened up.  There ended up being four of us and we were running at a decent (read:  slow enough for me) pace of about 11:30-12:00.  We chatted the whole time and it was really fantastic.  When we got to about the four mile mark, one of the girls pealed off because she's been battling a foot injury and knew that was enough for her.   The rest of us decided we'd do another couple to get in six.

As we were headed back to the cars, I told them I was going to keep going to try for eight.  Speedy decided she'd come with  me after a quick (like maybe two or three minute at the most) pit stop for water.  We didn't have a route in mind so we sort of circled around close to the cars and talked the whole time.  She challenged me to surge up the hills (killed me, but I did it), and when we came in for the home stretch I said, come on, let's go, and we sprinted full blast for the cars.  We were neck and neck but I think if there had been a camera on the imaginary finish line, she'd have crossed a fraction of a second before me.

What an amazing run.  I had just put a comment on someone's blog a few days ago that I couldn't wait until I was running eight miles...and now I can say I have done it!!!  I ran the whole time (other than stopping for a couple of traffic lights and the water pit stop), and truly felt GREAT the whole time.

We are considering doing the Women's Half Marathon in Nashville in TWENTY FOUR DAYS!!  We looked at that one originally but neither of us thought we'd be ready for that distance that soon--but, hey, we're practically THERE now!  She'll use it for a training run for her target race-St Jude's in Memphis on December 4th, and I'll use it for a long run for my target race Rocket City Marathon on December 11th.  I'll get to run a Half with her, and she'll (possibly) hold back since it's a training run.  Plus, have you SEEN those finisher's medals?? 

Hello??!!  It's a medal and a charm necklace all in one!  Too cute!  I want all three (Nashville, Arizona and St. Petersburg, FL)...but I think I'll have to choose just one a year or my husband might make me go back to work to pay for my race habit!

The one drawback (well, the main drawback) is that it's on the most important football game day of the season for me--the Alabama/Arkansas game!  (Hubs is from AL, I'm from AR--I cheer for the Tide in all games but that one.)  Speedy promised me she'd go with me and suffer through watching the game some where on TV.

What do you think?  To race or not to race, that is the question!

Thanks for stopping, come again soon.
:D