Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Happiness Eclipsed

There are no words to adequately describe how I've been feeling since my half-marathon.

I don't have that "day-after-Christmas" feeling.  I don't feel let down in the slightest.  I'm VERY pleased with how well I did.  ((In fact I'm in awe of my bad self...even though Speedy completely smoked my slow butt, which is a story for another day.))

I just can't get the tragedy of the day out of my mind.  (A runner died just short of the finish line.)

She was well-trained.  This was not her first race.  It wasn't overly hot that day.  There was PLENTY of aide on the course.  (Apparently she had some known heart problems.) 

I'm just so sad I can hardly allow myself to be happy over what I personally achieved that day.  Every time someone asks me how it went, I tell them, "Great, until after I was done with the race....."  I just don't feel like I can be happy for my own accomplishment without the overshadowing black cloud of sadness for this woman's family and friends.

I didn't know her and yet I feel this sense of loss because of her death.

I want to write about the course.  I want to write about my experience running this race.  I want to be amazed with what I did and how I did it.  I want to tell you about some of the funny things I saw...and yet....every time I sit down to write, all I can think of is this woman who lost her life just shy of the finish line.  I don't think it's healthy for me...and yet I can't quite figure out how to get past it.

From what I've gathered, this woman was a motivator.  She had organized a training group for this race.  She was very active and engaged in her life.  I'm SURE if she were here she would be the first to tell me to let it go and stop dwelling on the negative.

And yet, I'm grieving the loss of someone I never even met.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have the words I need to tell you all the things I want to say.  For now, I'll just keep trying to get them out!

Thanks for reading.  Come again soon.

4 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I was there in support of my sister that day and Lynn fell fairly close to where I was standing at the finish line. I didn't know her but I stood there that day sobbing, begging God to help her and I have thought of her and her family every since then. This was my sisters first half marathon and it was all I could not to run out on the course looking for her, I was so worried and so relieved when I saw her.
    I am in the middle of one of the "couch to 5K" programs with the intention of running the womens half next year but this has affected me so much it's scary. I have enjoyed your blog.

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing this...really means a lot.

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  3. This is exactly the way I feel. This is my first 1/2 marathon and I am also extremely proud of my and my friend's accomplishment. But I saw the emergency crew working on a lady just before the finish line and it has affected me in ways I never knew possible. I can't get this person out of my head. I think of her everyday, a few times a day. I thought of her when I went out for a walk the other day. I too am grieving over someone I have never met and find myself tearing up when I think of her.

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  4. I am Lynn's daughter. I am also a runner and she inspired me to run marathons. Your words are strangely comforting. Thank you for remembering and mourning her. She was truly amazing person and mother and I wish you could have known her. Keep running. Keep writing. She would absolutely tell you to make every day count.

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Don't hold back, tell it like it is....