Lumps, Bumps and Lines

I'm getting close to 50 years old. I have lines on my face. I'm sure there's a cream or treatment for that, but I don't actually hate them. I have lines around my mouth and eyes from almost 50 years of emotion. I have lines on my forehead and between my brows from years of near neurotic thought.  (Okay maybe I didn't need to add the qualifier in that sentence...whatever.)

I have lumps and bumps in places I wish were smooth. Some of them were the result of having my babies. Those are nice reminders. Some of them are just the way I was born. Those are constant no matter what I have tried to change them. They are reminders that I'm not in control of everything. Some of them are there because I spent over a year on high dose IV steroids for an autoimmune brain disease and I gained about 30 pounds. Right now those lumps and bumps are proof that I'm conscious and able to take notice! There was a time during treatment I didn't care one little bit about those lumps and bumps. I only cared if the treatment was working and if the disease was backing down.

Seven years ago I was a little overweight and very out of shape. I decided I wanted to train to run a marathon so I started walking every other day for 30 minutes. That soon progressed to a little running. That later progressed to swimming, biking along with the running. A few years later I decided I needed to add in strength training. I wanted to lose body fat and gain muscle. And I did.

If you've been reading my blog for long you might remember my post "Before, Now and Looking Ahead" where I included these before shots:

In the next year I trained HARD and made my goal of a sub 13 hour Ironman. I gained about 10 pounds but I lost about 5% body fat.

I finished Ironman Chattanooga feeling the most fit I had ever been.

And then I started having strange symptoms. I couldn't find words as I was talking. I was really struggling to remember things. I had weird pains, numbness and tingling. And then I forgot how to get out of my own car while sitting in my driveway. I didn't know how to use the phone. I didn't know my husband's name. It didn't last long, only a few minutes maybe. Suddenly I knew what the door handle was, what my phone was and how to call my husband whose name I remembered. It took several months but I was diagnosed and started treatment which I can now (2 years later) say worked.

In the process of getting my brain to come back online, I've gained 30 pounds and that muscle I worked so hard for has marbled out with fat. I also lost all that fitness I had pushed myself to gain.

I find myself in what is undoubtedly the worst shape I've ever been in. I weigh considerably more than I've ever weighed (non-pregnant). (I'm only 15 pounds away from my heaviest weight EVER...the day I walked into the hospital to deliver my 10 pound son!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually complaining. I'm just taking an appraisal of where I currently find myself. You can't know how to get where you are going without knowing where you are. You can't plot a course if you have no idea where you are (and where you are going).

So, here I am. 170 pounds this morning. 34% body fat. 37" waist and 47" hips. (DANG)

 (Those are the same shorts...I can't put on the same top anymore.)

I love my body. I know that sounds odd but I actually do love it the way it is right now. The truth is I can look at myself most of the time and be more than just okay with where I am right now. That doesn't mean I want to stay where I am. 34% body fat isn't healthy. High body fat percentage is linked to all kind of health issues. I'm not being mean, I'm being honest.

I've started a 6 week Transformation Challenge with Adventure Boot Camp's Joe Martin.  Some of the lumps, bumps and lines are going to be there forever. But some of them won't.

I can love where I'm at, but know that I'll love where I'm going even more. The thing I can't do is hate the body I'm in and expect it to take me somewhere else!

Thank you for joining me in this journey!

Make it a GREAT DAY!
:D