#2018Renew

I have big goals for 2018.

I finally feel like I'm "recovered" from the ants I had in my brain for almost two years. I'm ready to shed this extra weight I put on and get down to some serious training.

But (there's always a but isn't there?!) I know if I hit it too hard and/or too fast I'll be back at square

yes, it IS creepy...

one quicker than I can blink an eye.

Autoimmune fatigue is unlike any other fatigue there is. If you have any autoimmune disease, you know what I'm talking about. If you've had babies and have had long periods of time where you aren't able to get good sleep, you still have NO IDEA what I'm talking about! It's just not the same. Add to that an inability to use words well, to form coherent thoughts, dizziness, emotional volatility, muscle weakness, severe anxiety, the most intense carb cravings I've ever experienced in my life (actual quote: "someone is going to lose an arm if I don't get a Kit Kat right now"), and a level of brain fog that I can't describe and you'll have more of an understanding where I've been.

I want to be clear, what happened to me is SMALL. Cancer is big. MS is big. ALS is huge. The list could go on and on. My little two-year blip is TINY compared to a lot of things.  But it was a big thing in my life. It was a major life disruptor. It was a plan derailer. It was a HUGE obstacle for me to overcome. I've had some pretty big hurdles in my life and this one is at least in my top three. (I'd really like to keep it that way.)

Many friends have said they had no idea it was as bad as it was. That's a good thing. I wasn't bedridden for two years. I continued to coach. I continued to teach Spin (for all but about three months and some odd days I had to get subs for various reasons). But I wasn't fully me. I was disconnected from people I love. I was less communicative. I was MUCH less able to be out and about in the way I like to be. I wasn't able to cook and keep my house moderately clean the way I was before. (That's not saying much...but that made the loss all the more difficult!)

Thank goodness I'm off that ride!

The last two years are very much a blur for me. I can look back and know what happened but it's like I was removed from it all. The thing that hurts the most is that I wasn't able to fully appreciate the time I got to spend with my grandparents before they both passed away. I can't fully explain how it feels to be separated from yourself but imagine the most distracted you've ever been and then try to do the hardest task you can fathom, but you aren't allowed to put attention toward that task.
And attempt that task in a room with all your worst fears. It was horrible.

AND (there's not always an and, but there is this time)...I know most people dealing with AE have it MUCH worse than I did. Many of them have seizures, psychotic episodes, hallucinations, catatonia. Some can't speak at all. A shocking percentage die before they are properly diagnosed and treated. The fact I got to a doctor who knew what it was and that I got treatment that worked so quickly was life-saving.

Now that I believe I'm on the other side of that health mountain, I'm ready to move forward in typical Dana fashion....full speed and reaching for the outer limits of the universe. (Some people say "the sky's the limit" or "I'm reaching for the moon" but why be myopic?)

For 2018:

• I want to participate in a race a month
• I want to train at the level to which my body will appropriately respond
• I want to feed myself healthy, life-giving food
• I want to honor where I am and what my body/mind/will can handle
• I want to be kind to myself (and others)
• I want to write more.

Yes, I know all by one of these are not measurable goals and they aren't specific. But goals don't have to be. Objectives do. Goals are the big picture, objectives are how to get there. I also recognize these goals might seem small-fry compared to where I have been before.

I'm not who I was. I have a new perspective. I have a new lens to look through. I'm in a very good place.

If I can accomplish the last one on that list, I'll share more with you about the objectives of the others in the coming months.

2018 is going to be a year of renewal for me. Will you join me? Will you share your (big picture goals) or your (specific) objectives with me? You can either comment on FaceBook, in the comments section below, or you can send me a message or email. When we make our intentions known to other people we are putting a stake in the ground. Why don't you go ahead and plant a stake today?

If you are new to my blog, please reach out to me and let me know. If you've been here from the beginning or for a while, thanks for sticking around!

Make it a GREAT day!!

:D