Steps to Success

A friend of mine posted this on FaceBook today and it really got me to thinking. 

Each of these steps are crucial in the ladder to success.

That first step is a total deal-breaker. I won't is pretty much a non-starter if you decide you simply will NOT do something. Go find another set of stairs for heaven's sake!!

Step 2: If you believe you can't do something, even if you actually DO the thing you won't own it. I remember when I told my running friends I wanted to run a 5K in under 30 minutes. They laughed at me because our training runs were generally faster than that pace. But I didn't really believe them. Until I decided to believe it was in fact possible, I was stuck on that step. Believing you have the ability to succeed doesn't mean you want to put in the work or that you know how....it just means that you believe it's possible.

Step 3: Making the decision that you WANT to do something really amounts to a dream. It's not a goal until you move on to the planning and working phases. But really solidifying in your mind that you absolutely DO WANT to do this thing ...and more importantly WHY you want to do this thing is such an important step that can not be overlooked. I have realized in the last 10 years I really do NOT enjoy riding my bike up (or even down) steep hills. I put myself through training and completing a grueling first Ironman that had BRUTAL hills on the bike course but I never really WANTED to ride hills. So for my second Ironman I chose a course with rollers instead of steep climbs. When you REALLY do not want to do something, you "can" get past this step with sufficient enticement, but it will be like pulling a heavy suitcase up stairs...you'll bump along with no ease or enjoyment unless you embrace the wanting. 

Let me give an example. I THINK I'd really like to train to do another Ironman. If I'm dreaming I THINK I would like to do Lake Placid. That bike course supposedly has about 8300 feet of gain on the bike course. It's not nearly as hard as Lake Tahoe's bike course was, but it's tough. If I decide I really will train for it, and that I really can do it, then I am going to need to embrace WANTING to train and race hills on the bike. OR I have to WANT to finish IMLP so much that I will gut out the hills on the bike with no enjoyment at all of the process.

IMLP elevation

IMLT '13 elevation

"I want this end so I'll suffer through the means to get there" really isn't pleasant. Just decide to WANT the means as much as the end. That doesn't mean the thing you WANT is going to be fun, and it certainly doesn't mean it won't be hard, but those aren't prerequisites to something you want!

Moving on to Step Three. Oh step three. "How do I do it?" Honestly, this is probably one of my favorite steps. That's why I'm a coach. I generally enjoy learning things almost as much as I enjoy teaching/coaching them!

Not everyone is like this. Very strong-willed and/or very accomplished people do not often like admitting they don't know HOW to do something. When my daughter was little I wanted to teach her to tie her shoes. She pushed me away and said "I do it myself". She didn't KNOW HOW to tie her shoes, but she wasn't interested in learning. It caused her a great deal of frustration.

I've tried to give swim lessons to kids like this. It never goes very well for either of us. For some kids it's a matter of trusting me/trusting the process. For others, it's about control. There's a girl I've worked with a couple of times who will NOT allow me to touch her when she's trying to float on her back. Now, she hasn't yet learned how to float on her back and she's as tense as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. If you know anything about floating on your back it requires you to relax in a very vulnerable position (head back, body out flat). This girl says she WANTS to learn, but she's unwilling to ask HOW or accept ANY help at all. People like that usually have a lot of "failures" along the way to get to that top step because they have to learn by making a lot of mistakes. It's like they want to reinvent the wheel by coming up with their own way to get to their goal.

Once you've decided you will do something, you believe you can, you inject sufficient desire and you LEARN how to do something, it's time to get to work trying to complete the task! Sometimes you are lucky and this step is easy. I'm going to say if you try and you immediately get to the next step you probably didn't set a challenging goal for yourself! A "FAILure" is really just a First Attempt At Learning! When a goal is difficult, there might be many attempts at learning! There's a reason the saying is "If at first you don't succeed, try, TRY again." (Instead of there being only one "try"...get it?)

That brings us to Step 6....you have learned how to do the thing you want to do, so know you know you CAN do it, right? Nope. Remember my story about the 30 minute 5K? Even showing me data that I had done this in training didn't get me to the "I can do it" step. I stayed on the "I will try" step for a while until I fully embraced "I CAN DO IT"....but just knowing you can doesn't mean you WILL. That's the next step...setting out to make the goal a reality.

Here's the cold hard truth. You might stumble up and down these steps a hundred times trying to reach the  very top ("I did it") step. You might, like most people, get stuck on a certain step (or three) along the way. You might camp out for a long while before you finally move on, or you might decide you want to move to a whole other set of stairs. 

Just wanting something is not enough to actually make it happen...

Thanks for stopping by and sticking around.

Make it a great day!

Leveling Up in The Game of Life

Content WARNING: this post could be triggering and hard to read, for a number of reasons. (This is not a joke and not written tongue in cheek...)


Recovery is an interesting word....it means:

a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.

It also means:

the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

Returning to a previous state of "normal".

Ever since my brain "broke" and I was forced to stop running/working out, I have wanted to "return to my previous state" of strength and endurance. I had been working out at Iron Tribe. I had completed the Grand Slam. I had completed two Ironman races (Lake Tahoe and Chattanooga). I had started coaching and directing kids' races along the way. I felt strong and powerful and healthy.

And then my brain broke.

I thought brain disease had taken something from me. I thought that regaining the fitness I had lost, regaining the brain function I had lost, would return me to a state of health.

I was wrong. Regaining the strength and fitness I had lost was just going to return me to a previous state of "normal". But I wasn't actually fully healthy.

When I woke up in the middle of the early morning I didn't expect to be hit with this ton of bricks thought. I was sitting there reading a Facebook post about someone wanting advice about returning to running after being off for a couple of years. The President of Huntsville Track Club chimed in with a BRILLIANT answer:

Start slow and short, build a solid base and a consistent routine. Make it part of your regular day so skipping a workout eventually will feel unnatural. Pick a few goals along the way over next year, use a proper plan and train for them. Then come august start your plan for RCM. You’ve got plenty of time, just get out there and do it. Life will always get in the way but try to stick to the plan. Consistency is the best thing for you

That got me to thinking...that answer is about the mechanics of running. The how. But I ALWAYS look at a different side of running...the WHY. My advice is always "Remember WHY"..."Figure out your WHY"..."Hold on to your WHY"

When I first started this running journey I was focused on the "what"-I wanted to run the Rocket City Marathon. (That's ironic...I didn't know the goal of "running" a marathon might turn into "running" as in directing). I figured out how to get there: have a plan, start out slow... Along the way I thought I figured out why.

In case you aren't a "dig deeper" kind of reader and you didn't click on that last link out of curiosity (I think you should read it, I think it's one of my better posts...), I basically said I wanted to learn how to "go the distance" because I was a bit of a "when the going gets tough I quit" kind of gal. Up until then I thought I had quit hard things. I quit relationships, I quit exercise programs, I quit diets... I said setting the goal of running a marathon was because I felt like I had been an "on a whim" kind of person. I would have an idea but when it was time for the rubber to meet the road I would "change my mind" (AKA quit).

By committing to running a marathon I thought I was going to connect with that part of me that could survive hard things.

But, you see...I had already connected with that part of me. When I was 7 years old I got intimately acquainted with that part of me that could live through and endure pain, that part of me that could carry on and keep going. In silence.

Running for most people involves turning off the "quit" voice. "Endure" means "to suffer patiently".

I had already learned how to "endure". I won't go into details, but my childhood wasn't idyllic. I didn't live in a sit-com family. I'll just leave it at that, but suffice it to say, I endured. I thought I had come out on the other side of that past life. I thought my tendency to quit hard things was somehow related to that past life and by learning to stay committed I was going to somehow "win".

While there is some truth to that...any good gamer knows there's always another boss to beat. There's always a harder challenge in the next level of the game. If you beat a boss that pounded on you in level one, in level two you'll encounter a boss that pounds on you AND throws fire. If you master that level, in level three the boss will do those things while the ground crumbles beneath your feet. There's always another challenge to overcome.

When Dwayne and I took over directing the marathon, we knew it would be hard. (Okay I knew it would be hard, Dwayne thought it would be "fun".) I knew it would be a whole other level of challenge. I knew it would spotlight areas of our marriage, areas of each of our personalities, that needed some "work". I actually didn't want to do it for THAT reason more than anything. Running a marathon is HARD. Directing a marathon is HARDER.

But when you are a person who doesn't do ANYTHING AT ALL on a surface level...when you are a person who searches EVERYTHING for the deeper meaning...when you are a person who takes lessons from EVERY SITUATION...hard things become that much harder.

But they also become more meaningful.

When I was young I learned how to endure physically. I turned off my mind and my emotions. I didn't think about the circumstance I was in, I certainly didn't feel the feelings associated with what I was being put through. As I got older I learned how to mentally endure. I reconnected my brain to my body and vice-versa. Along the way, I've had glimpses and hints of emotional endurance.

Everyone will tell you to "listen to your body" when you start running, and I will agree that's CRUCIAL. But it's also crucial to listen to your heart.

I am learning that a lot of the choices I've made in life have been in an effort to either protect or pump up my heart. (Not my physical heart, my emotional heart, stay with me here.) I think this new level I'm on now is all about listening to my heart and giving it a voice. It's about accepting love that's given. It's about standing up against offense. It's about hurting when I hurt, but also about showing love without abandon. It's about showing up and speaking up but also about being quiet and stepping back. It's about taking the lead and also saying no.

If my brain had not broken...if my body had not faltered...I might not have gotten to this level. I'm not interested in returning to a state of previous "normal", but I am interested in the recovery that involves the process of regaining something that was stolen from me. I'm not interested in returning to where I was pre-brain disease. I'm interested in leveling up.

Bring that on that next-level boss. I'm ready.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around.