Balancing My Account

The Runner's World Daily "Kick in the Butt" quote yesterday said:

Games require skill. Running requires endurance, character, pride, physical strength, and mental toughness. Running is a test, not a game. A test of faith, belief, will, and trust in one's self. So hardcore that it needs a category all to itself to define the pain. When game players criticize, it's because they aren't willing to understand, not because they're stronger. Running is more than a sport; it's a lifestyle. If you have to ask us why we run, you'll never understand, so just accept. --Jessica Propst

I read this as I was getting ready to go run Cotton Row.   This quote came on the heels of Coach Eric's quotes on FaceBook:

If you want your dreams to come true you had better be prepared to work for them. Hard work pays off, doing nothing gets you nothing.

and

You are the catalyst needed to take your performance to the next level. DECIDE to push the next workout or the next 5 minutes, DECIDE that it's going to hurt and accept it gladly, DECIDE that you are in charge of your performance, DECIDE to be the athlete that you dream of being.

I knew the truth was I wasn't up for a "test" (especially one of my own will and belief), I hadn't prepared or worked and I had not made the necessary decisions prior to race day in order to be in charge of my performance, so I shifted my expectations on the front end of the race.  Doing this allowed me (probably for the first time) to NOT beat myself up (even in my mind) after the fact.

Here's the thing...I want a different race day experience.  You've heard it said crazy is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.  Well, in order to have a different experience, I know I have to do different things. 

Eric is right...I am the catalyst needed to take my performance to the next level.  My perceived ability is not the catalyst.  The main reason for that is how flawed my perception is regarding my ability.  Also, the whole POINT of training is to make ability better.  If I allow my flawed perception of my ability to determine what I do in training I am not going to push and will not ever be the athlete I dream of being.

Think of training as making deposits into an account.  The amount of the deposit is directly related to my effort and my adherence to the training plan (yes, it's also directly related to the quality of the plan, but I believe I have a top notch coach which equals a top notch plan so that is the constant in this equation).  The more effort I put into the workout and the more closely I follow the training plan  exactly as written, the more I will be depositing in my account. Side note...Following the plan "exactly as written" means easy is easy and hard is hard.  The more I deposit into my account, the bigger the withdrawal can be on race day.

Think of it like working on commission!  When you work on commission and there is only one constant (ie WHAT you are selling), you are completely in control of your pay check.  You can make excuses about it ("No one wants to by ice in Alaska, I can't sell it.") but the truth is you are in complete control (move to Arizona).  The one constant in this equation I've set up is the training plan (and even that could be changed if I didn't trust my coach...which I do).  All I have to do in order to have a big balance available to me on my next race day is to DECIDE to follow the plan exactly as written and to give everything I have in every workout.

Rather than making excuses for poor performance or for missing workouts I want to see what it would be like to give everything I have to the training process.  In the past I have settled for less.  I've given less in workouts because I've been tired or scared or lacking in confidence in my abilities.  Then on race day, in the back of my mind, I tell myself I have more to give, which sets me up to have a higher expectation of myself than what my training had prepared me to have.

I've seen other people do this...not train for a race and still do very well.  Other people can do it, but I haven't yet found the way to do this.  ((I think the reason other people can do it is because they've done the hard work at some other time in their lives and have confidence in their abilities or are willing to push HARD in a race and accept the consequences, like being really sore, afterward.))  I think I'm more of a "live within my means" kind of gal.  I have been burned by credit before so I like to know how I will pay for things before I buy them.  Yes, I'm talking about real money right now, but the same way of being transfers into athletic training as well.   Knowing how I am, how I think, helps me in all areas of my life.  Knowing I most likely won't push harder in a race than what I've prepared for in training tells me what I have to do--and it's NOT to expect myself to push harder in a race.

I have decided I want a different racing experience.  Instead of beating myself up after the fact because I didn't make a bigger withdrawal than what I had deposits to support...I'm going to make the necessary deposits each and every day in order to CASH THAT CHECK on race day without going into the red!


Thanks for stopping by, come again soon!!
:D

Promise of Pain Delivered and the Three Erics

I had an email conversation recently with Eric Charette about marathon training.  I was concerned about trying to figure out what pace I needed to be running.  The pace outlined in my plan was slower than what I believed it needed to be, but at the same time, I didn't want to over reach and end up getting injured.  He gave me some good information and then had this to say:

This is going to hurt... I promise you that.  This is going to be difficult.  I promise you that.  But you have it in you to do it.

I lived out his promise on the track yesterday.

I had missed our group workout Wednesday night so I ended up having to do speed work on my own.  It might have been okay except I swam first...on an empty stomach...and it turned into a speed work session also.  See, I have the good fortune of being able to swim with a Master's coach who tells me what to do in the moment so I have no idea what's coming up next.  Yesterday he had me finish the morning with 6 X 100 FAST...I did my best to do my best--I seriously nearly puked in the pool!!  I've never pushed myself THAT hard for THAT long.

After I changed from my swim suit to my running outfit, I started mental negotiations.  "I haven't eaten anything, I should eat then go back out later for the track workout.  I'm EXHAUSTED from the swim...it's okay to skip a speed workout, that's life, right?  If I go ahead and do it, I have an excuse not to push as hard or stop it early.  I don't want to get hurt."

There it was..."hurt"...  I immediately flashed back to Eric's words of wisdom.  He promised it WOULD hurt.  He promised it WOULD be difficult.  But he also told me I had it in me to do it.  (There is a difference between "hurt" and "injured" and I'm learning it's really not okay NOT to push into the pain cave under the guise of injury protection.)

So...THANKS TO ERIC, for making that promise and giving me the same boost so many other great friends have given me in the past (believing I CAN do "it"), I drove straight to the track!!  The workout was supposed to be a mile warm up, 12 X 400 -every other one at a 2:15ish pace, then a mile cool down.  I didn't want to stress out about the pacing so I just decided to give it all I had each time and not look at my watch.  The first time around I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to do it a second time.  After the recover 400... I did in fact do it again, but it felt like it took me a lot longer.   After a second recovery, on my third fast 400, I wasn't sure I was going to make it all the way around.  When I hit about the 250 yard "mark", Eric's words SCREAMED in my head...over and over for 150 yards.

HE PROMISED THIS WAS GOING TO HURT...HE WAS RIGHT!!!

After the third recovery I didn't want to go a fourth time...but I knew I still had 3 more fast 400s left to finish what was on my plan for the day.  About that time words from another Eric (Patterson) rang in my ears...  SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!!  I remembered a post he wrote a long time ago about behaving in accordance with a decision previously made-something that has stuck with me ever since reading it-and I started my fourth fast 400, although after about 200 it felt like I was going to hurl the previous night's dinner (since I had yet to eat breakfast)...or maybe pass out before I made it all the way around the track.

I almost quit then, sure I wasn't even coming close to my target pace goal since I could feel myself slowing.  But, during my fourth recovery I remembered too many quotes from yet another Eric (Doehrman) to list.  So on my fourth and fifth fast 400s I thought something about giving less than 100% in training means not being able to give 100% in a race...good athletes train even when they don't feel like it...the need for being comfortable in the PAIN CAVE...and (even though I was on a flat track, for some reason I could hear Eric D. saying:) "WE LOVE HILLS--THEY MAKE US STRONG!!!  (During the 5th recovery all I could think was BREATH, don't puke...)

As I started my sixth and final fast 400...all three Eric's were running along side of me (at what amounts to a jogging pace for them)...yelling at me.  In a good way.  In an encouraging way.  In an inspiring way.  They were all telling me to embrace the pain and KEEP RUNNING!! PUSH!!!  FASTER!!!  JUST A FEW MORE SECONDS!!!

As I jogged/walked my final recovery 400, and then ran/jogged my mile cool down, I looked at my times.

1:38 (6:34 pace)
1:41 (6:46 pace)
1:44 (6:58 pace)
1:46 (7:06 pace)
1:47 (7:10 pace)
1:42 (6:50 pace)

I like how even though the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th intervals did get progressively slower...I was able to speed up for the last one (with the help of the three Eric's yelling at me all along the way!!).

I know those are not fast times for most people...but I think for most 42 year old women who have been running less than 2 years, that's not too stinking bad!!!  

Eric was right.

Thanks for stopping in.  Come again soon!

The Pain Garden

The other day I was doing some reading about tri training (yes, I am obsessive, but you should have already known that by now if you've read much of anything I've written!). I googled my Tri 201 coach, Eric Doehrman of E3 Multisport. Naturally he had a few Ezine articles out there. One of which was particularly interesting to me about the "Pain Cave".

I've heard about the "pain cave" before, but I can honestly say I don't think I've ever found mine. The truth is, I don't like pain. I avoid it like vampires avoid crosses or garlic. My philosophy has always been, "no pain, no pain" or "if it hurts, you're doing something wrong so stop." I used to think it was an effort to avoid injury, but the truth is, it's been an effort to avoid pain. However, I've come to realize if I want to seriously improve (and I do), I am going to have to get over my aversion to being uncomfortable.

Everything I've ever read in the past has basically said, in a nutshell, "HURT". So when I saw the title to Coach Eric's article, "Refine Your Mental Flexibility by Making the Most of Your Pain Cave", I was more than a little intrigued. I've read and re-read it several times since then in an attempt squeeze every drop of wisdom out of it as possible.

((Warning...for the rest of this post to make much sense, you should read the article--it's worth the click over, I promise!))

The same day I found the article, we had a group bike/run brick training session. As we were riding I kept trying to tell myself I was sitting on my pain cave couch watching Survivor. I remembered Rob's efforts in one particular challenge, obviously giving all he had to eek out a victory over much younger competitors. I thought of all my other favorite Survivor challengers (Stephanie, Matt, Colby...even Russell) and how they all gave ALL they had. (Stephanie even dislocated her shoulder in one battle, popped it back into place and then got right back into the fight.)

What was so ironic about it all (what I didn't realize until after the fact) was the fact I was imagining myself sitting on my comfy pain cave couch watching TV!!! I had skipped down to step five without an understanding of what he was trying to say. Was I uncomfortable?? Well, yes, a little bit. Was I even close to hurting? Not really. It's going to be hard for me to believe pain is a cross I can even get close to much less carry and bear.

The thing I think I "like" most about the article is the idea that I'm in control of my pain cave. I can leave it anytime I want. It seems silly because you might think I've exercised that option (leaving) pretty much my whole life. But, I think the option I've actually taken is the one not to find the address in the first place. To go on a recon mission to find it...to willingly drive up the driveway...to set up house there...to make it my home--not options I've explored.

Until now.

I've started wearing my heart rate monitor again. I'm in so much better shape now than I used to be. I will have to work considerably harder now than I did a year ago to get my heart rate up to the optimal training zone. It's time to stop cheating myself. It's time to make my workouts count toward my goals. I feel like up until now I've been liking the idea of being in a pain cave more than the idea of doing the work to get there.

One of my favorite books of all time is "The Secret Garden". I used to dream about having a garden like that. I have bought more magazines and books than I care to admit to in an effort to learn how to keep plants alive (I have a black thumb). I've done "research" on what to plant and where. I've gone so far as to plan out my ideal green space. The most forward progress I've made toward that end is to purchase sacrificial plants that have given their lives over to my dream but have not actually been released from their plastic containers to do what they do best-grow. To plant that garden will take WAY MORE work than any amount of planning or dreaming. It would require sweat and dirt and time. Not only that...I would have to devote countless hours pulling weeds, deadheading flowers, pruning...and all that work still might result in dead plants.

I might not ever be willing to invest my sweat and time into planting a "secret garden" of my own...but I AM willing to invest in my body. I want to know where my limits are...and I want to find ways to push past them. I want to find my pain cave...but I think I'll call it my pain garden. That sounds so much more inviting!!

I'm off to the pool to begin my journey.

Thanks for stopping in...come again soon!
:D