Doing the Thing

Not really doing Whole30...

A few years ago when I did the Whole30 I started getting the emails from Whole30. About half the time I read them (okay, maybe 1% of the time I read them, about 5% of the time I skim them, 90% of the time I save them "for later" and the other 4% of the time I trash them...but who's counting)!

The other day I saw a podcast Melissa did with James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits. I have heard of the book but haven't cared too much about adding it to the LONG list of books I'd like to read but just don't ever get to. But, I've been talking a lot in Spin class about resolutions (...a DECISION to do something*), solutions (HOW you are going to do it), plans (the actionable steps) and goals (how you know you have achieved the thing you want to do). So I decided to give it a listen...and it was AMAZING. I loved the podcast so much I've been listening to other "Do the Thing" podcasts.

Two of the biggest things I got out of the podcast were 1) casting votes and 2) stop optimizing.

In order to dive into those thoughts, let me share with you my goals and resolutions for the New Year:

So many memes on healthy eating...

1) Resolution one: I am going to be more intentional about eating more healthy. The optimizer in me
gets REALLY stressed out about this because what does "more healthy" even mean? Depending on who you listen to that might mean eat more, or less; eat more carbs, less carbs; go plant based...etc. Additionally I've had some recent tests done that show SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth) and what healing from that looks like is a little fuzzy. The path toward healing from that is VERY unclear to me. The optimizer in me gets VERY stressed out looking for the "perfect" solution. The optimizer in me ends up not making a decision on what path I will take because that part of me gets so hung up on what path I should take I end up saying "screw it" and eating pizza (THE WORST POSSIBLE FOOD FOR MY BODY when it's the best possible version for my taste buds).

Casting a vote for "being a person who eats more healthy" means that more often than not I will make conscious decisions regarding what I'm putting into my mouth. I will (more often than not) know why I'm eating what I'm eating and eating it because I believe in that moment it's a healthy choice. Now, that doesn't mean I won't eat pizza...it might mean that I limit gluten and dairy filled pizza to VERY RARE occasions. I might mean that I sub out regular crust for a gluten free crust and sub out real cheese for vegan cheese. But it won't mean that I will never eat pizza again. I'll also eat donuts and have popcorn at the movies. I have come to believe "eating healthy" means that you do eat the "extra" foods you love on occasion.

Now, to be fair, I am WAY further on the "healthy eater" side of the scale than I used to be...but my resolution for this new year is to continue moving further to that side of the see-saw.

My plan is to start the year with the 90 day Epic Life Challenge from Epicure. I'm not doing it exactly as they have it outlined, but I'm taking the best parts (ie the daily journal) and applying them to what I believe is healthy for me.

My goal from this resolution is to lose the extra weight I've been carrying since starting steroid treatments (about 15-20 pounds), and to develop consistent food and hydration workout habits.

2) Goal 1 for this year is to do better at the Knoxville Marathon on March 29th than I did last year (which was 6:51:37).

3) Goal 2 for this year is to complete IMChoo 70.3 May the 17th. I don't have a time goal, just before the cut off (which I think is 7:30 but I'm not even sure right now...)

The habit I have to "form" (get back to) to make both of these goals a reality is consistent training.
The optimizer in me says it has to be perfect training, planned out and balanced and executed perfectly. But the truth is that consistent training that ramps up to the appropriate level will do very well. I didn't really train at all for Knoxville last year** and I finished it. I can't NOT train for a 70.3 and finish, but consistent training will get me to the finish line even if it's not perfectly planned and executed. And right now getting myself to a finish line is "good enough". That doesn't mean I'm settling for less than my very best (GASP), it means I'm being realistic that a 50 year old woman who is in recovery from an autoimmune brain disease is really doing great to be able to complete a challenging marathon and a 70.3 with a two month time frame. (Not to mention I'm doing the Little Rock Marathon on March 1st as a warm up event leading up to Knoxville.)

By consistently training I will be "casting votes" for the person I want to be (a person who consistently trains"). Last night before I went to bed I got all my swimming stuff ready. I woke up this morning and drove to the Y at 6am to swim...and they were CLOSED!! Long story short I ended up doing yoga today. I trained. It wasn't what I had planned. It wasn't "optimal". It wasn't perfect. But I trained and I didn't let the Y being closed derail me completely. I also didn't let the plan to swim today derail what I had planned for the rest of the day.

4) Resolution 2 is a little embarrassing but I shared it in my Spin class yesterday so I'll share it here... But let me give the lead up before I blurt it out. To be clear, I brush my teeth every day, twice a day. I am not the most consistent flosser, but I do that at least once or twice a week at the very least. I use a Sonicare brush that has a 2 minute timer on it. ...I don't usually brush for the full two minutes! I usually end up stopping it when I think I've brushed long enough. (GASP) So resolution number 2 is to use the 2 minute timer EVERY time I brush. And since I'm already spending more time...

5) Resolution number 3 is to floss at least once a day every day.

The optimizer in me just found a NEW Sonicare toothbrush that has an app that helps you brush PERFECTLY!!! (WHAT?!) I almost ordered one! But we are in a bit of a money crunch right now*** so I'm going to wait...but I WILL have that toothbrush before year's end!!

It's going to be the best year ever!! (Especially since I started my "new year" yesterday giving me two extra days...and it's a LEAP YEAR which gives another extra day!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Feel free to share your goals and resolutions in the comments, or email them to me; I'd love to hear what you have planned for 2020!

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around.

For more information about Epicure: click HERE.
Or, if you'd like to watch a video instead: click HERE.

*Resolution also means "the act of solving a problem" which is a definition I really like when I think about "New Year's Resolutions". I used to HATE the thought of making resolutions because of the negative connotations and how most people don't end up keeping them. But when I think of them in terms of movement toward the person I ultimately want to be (vs a check/no check in a box) the idea is considerably more palatable to me!

**I realized while writing this that I didn't even write about the races I did this year! (GASP!) I will have to go back and write about how I completed THREE marathons and a half in just 22 days!! Mic drop.

***We are in a money crunch because the renters moved out of the house I bought when I got divorced. The house that was supposed to be sold 10 years ago. The house that is thankfully now worth what I paid for it again. (For years it wasn't even close thanks to the drop in the housing market that happened right after I bought!) If you know of anyone looking to buy a house in Conway Arkansas, it's a LOVELY house. It needs some love an attention, but it's priced to sell. And, until we sell it the optimizer in me will not allow frivolous purchases like a fancy toothbrush!

Leveling Up in The Game of Life

Content WARNING: this post could be triggering and hard to read, for a number of reasons. (This is not a joke and not written tongue in cheek...)


Recovery is an interesting word....it means:

a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.

It also means:

the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

Returning to a previous state of "normal".

Ever since my brain "broke" and I was forced to stop running/working out, I have wanted to "return to my previous state" of strength and endurance. I had been working out at Iron Tribe. I had completed the Grand Slam. I had completed two Ironman races (Lake Tahoe and Chattanooga). I had started coaching and directing kids' races along the way. I felt strong and powerful and healthy.

And then my brain broke.

I thought brain disease had taken something from me. I thought that regaining the fitness I had lost, regaining the brain function I had lost, would return me to a state of health.

I was wrong. Regaining the strength and fitness I had lost was just going to return me to a previous state of "normal". But I wasn't actually fully healthy.

When I woke up in the middle of the early morning I didn't expect to be hit with this ton of bricks thought. I was sitting there reading a Facebook post about someone wanting advice about returning to running after being off for a couple of years. The President of Huntsville Track Club chimed in with a BRILLIANT answer:

Start slow and short, build a solid base and a consistent routine. Make it part of your regular day so skipping a workout eventually will feel unnatural. Pick a few goals along the way over next year, use a proper plan and train for them. Then come august start your plan for RCM. You’ve got plenty of time, just get out there and do it. Life will always get in the way but try to stick to the plan. Consistency is the best thing for you

That got me to thinking...that answer is about the mechanics of running. The how. But I ALWAYS look at a different side of running...the WHY. My advice is always "Remember WHY"..."Figure out your WHY"..."Hold on to your WHY"

When I first started this running journey I was focused on the "what"-I wanted to run the Rocket City Marathon. (That's ironic...I didn't know the goal of "running" a marathon might turn into "running" as in directing). I figured out how to get there: have a plan, start out slow... Along the way I thought I figured out why.

In case you aren't a "dig deeper" kind of reader and you didn't click on that last link out of curiosity (I think you should read it, I think it's one of my better posts...), I basically said I wanted to learn how to "go the distance" because I was a bit of a "when the going gets tough I quit" kind of gal. Up until then I thought I had quit hard things. I quit relationships, I quit exercise programs, I quit diets... I said setting the goal of running a marathon was because I felt like I had been an "on a whim" kind of person. I would have an idea but when it was time for the rubber to meet the road I would "change my mind" (AKA quit).

By committing to running a marathon I thought I was going to connect with that part of me that could survive hard things.

But, you see...I had already connected with that part of me. When I was 7 years old I got intimately acquainted with that part of me that could live through and endure pain, that part of me that could carry on and keep going. In silence.

Running for most people involves turning off the "quit" voice. "Endure" means "to suffer patiently".

I had already learned how to "endure". I won't go into details, but my childhood wasn't idyllic. I didn't live in a sit-com family. I'll just leave it at that, but suffice it to say, I endured. I thought I had come out on the other side of that past life. I thought my tendency to quit hard things was somehow related to that past life and by learning to stay committed I was going to somehow "win".

While there is some truth to that...any good gamer knows there's always another boss to beat. There's always a harder challenge in the next level of the game. If you beat a boss that pounded on you in level one, in level two you'll encounter a boss that pounds on you AND throws fire. If you master that level, in level three the boss will do those things while the ground crumbles beneath your feet. There's always another challenge to overcome.

When Dwayne and I took over directing the marathon, we knew it would be hard. (Okay I knew it would be hard, Dwayne thought it would be "fun".) I knew it would be a whole other level of challenge. I knew it would spotlight areas of our marriage, areas of each of our personalities, that needed some "work". I actually didn't want to do it for THAT reason more than anything. Running a marathon is HARD. Directing a marathon is HARDER.

But when you are a person who doesn't do ANYTHING AT ALL on a surface level...when you are a person who searches EVERYTHING for the deeper meaning...when you are a person who takes lessons from EVERY SITUATION...hard things become that much harder.

But they also become more meaningful.

When I was young I learned how to endure physically. I turned off my mind and my emotions. I didn't think about the circumstance I was in, I certainly didn't feel the feelings associated with what I was being put through. As I got older I learned how to mentally endure. I reconnected my brain to my body and vice-versa. Along the way, I've had glimpses and hints of emotional endurance.

Everyone will tell you to "listen to your body" when you start running, and I will agree that's CRUCIAL. But it's also crucial to listen to your heart.

I am learning that a lot of the choices I've made in life have been in an effort to either protect or pump up my heart. (Not my physical heart, my emotional heart, stay with me here.) I think this new level I'm on now is all about listening to my heart and giving it a voice. It's about accepting love that's given. It's about standing up against offense. It's about hurting when I hurt, but also about showing love without abandon. It's about showing up and speaking up but also about being quiet and stepping back. It's about taking the lead and also saying no.

If my brain had not broken...if my body had not faltered...I might not have gotten to this level. I'm not interested in returning to a state of previous "normal", but I am interested in the recovery that involves the process of regaining something that was stolen from me. I'm not interested in returning to where I was pre-brain disease. I'm interested in leveling up.

Bring that on that next-level boss. I'm ready.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around.

Fire and Rain

Dwayne wrote a book before I met him and he's re-written it many times since then. It's almost not even the same book anymore. The working title at one time was "Fire and Rain". It's a really good book but not why I'm writing this post.

Yesterday I ran the Monte Sano 15K. It's the third time I've run that race, but this year there was a totally new course. In 2011, the first time I ran it, I finished in 1:24:49 (9:06 pace). (I raced it as part of my training to run my first marathon. Just a few weeks later I raced the Huntsville Half Marathon in 1:56:30 (8:54 pace).) The following year I ran with a friend and athlete I was coaching as part of her training plan. I think we finished in something like 1:35.

Yesterday I was thrilled to finish it in just under 2 hours (just over a 12 minute pace).

In Dwayne's book there is a part where a village gets completely decimated by a fire. Two of the villagers are awakened the next morning by raindrops hitting their faces.

Yesterday as we were waiting for the race to start we heard a rumor...the race was going to be delayed by about 20 minutes because there had been a fire on the course that was going to alter the route. My first thought was the poor people whose house was on fire. I didn't care much about the race at that point. But since I'm not a fire fighter, there wasn't anything I could do to help put the fire out. It wouldn't help that poor family if I decided to get back in the car and go home. Just moments later it started to sprinkle rain. As a race director I really felt bad for the RD...fire and rain on top of having to run on a new course this year, on top of it being the coldest day we've had since like April. Poor guy.

Race directors are first and foremost problem solvers. Sure there are hundreds (if not thousands) of details to attend to in order to pull off a race, but the main duty is to solve problems. Cooler weather and rain isn't really an RDs problem (at least not for a 15K...a longer distance race has to deal with issues like hypothermia-for your participants and volunteers). Fire on the course is a MAJOR issue-you not only have to reroute the runners, you have to make sure everyone is on the same page (police, aid stations, split timers). About 20 minutes after the originally planned start we found out they were returning to the original course, but about 15 minutes or so later still.

I had asked Dwayne to run with me, to pace me to a faster finish than I would have had if I were alone. I signed us up before really thinking about the fact that he had not run longer than about 4 miles since he broke his ankle (in May) and I had not run more than 5 miles since like April. I signed us up when I was feeling pretty spunky. I signed us up because the race was going to be on a new course and they were, for the first time ever, giving out medals!! (I'm all about the bling!) But by the time race morning rolled around I was really nervous. Would we be injured? Would I even be able to finish? I've been EXHAUSTED lately. Like bone weary tired. (Auto immune fatigue is unlike any other fatigue you can ever even imagine unless you've been through it.) Was a silly medal even worth it? NINE POINT THREE MILES.

Then there was the fire. Then there was the rain. (Okay, it didn't really RAIN, it sprinkled...and it didn't last long.)

After some announcements that could not be heard by anyone except the runners in the very front, the gun went off and we were moving. I had told Dwayne I really wanted to run 3 minutes walk 1minute...no matter what. But just as we started he suggested that, because the course is rolling, we should keep that interval, but also run any downhill. I begrudgingly agreed. I had to laugh because I remembered telling my friend/athlete that her plan was to charge every UPhill and coast flats and downs.

As we started my left shin started complaining. I knew I just had to stretch it. I didn't do ANY kind of warm up and I had not run in over a week. Heck, I had not done any real exercise in over a week because I had been traveling. I knew once I warmed up it would (probably) be just fine.

We started playing leapfrog with the other intervalers. Dwayne was certainly pushing the run pace faster than I would have. I didn't look until just now, but our running pace averaged about 10:30-11/mile. My left foot hurt...like felt like it was on FIRE...my legs got seriously tired...my left glute muscles felt like they were on revolt. I felt dizzy a few times. I seriously doubted if I would be able to finish...but only for a fleeting moment. I've never quit a race I've started. (There have been races I haven't started, but I've never quit.)

The course was really fantastic. It's rolling and winding and you are almost always seeing the runners who are ahead or behind you. I kept telling myself that my A goal for next spring is to run a faster Knoxville...but as I was running I felt silly for even setting the goal in the first place.


In Dwayne's book the two villagers who survived the fire were completely changed by it. The rain the next morning was like a new fresh start for both of them. But it's not like they just left their old lives behind, forgotten.


I'm not going to lie...I'm still holding on to my "old life" (pre brain disease). That life when I trained hard and was able to set goals and race. I keep thinking that I will get back to that athlete I was. I just have to be patient. But the truth is, just like in Dwayne's book...I really need to start accepting that I won't ever be the same. When we were waiting for the race to start yesterday morning, we didn't know what was going to happen...would the course change? How long would we be delayed? Would it rain harder?  There was no reason to believe the race wouldn't happen, it just might not look exactly like we expected. There's no reason to believe I have to give up "training" and "races" but I need to start realizing I am dealing with a new reality now.

I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. And I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always thought that I'd see you again.

It might seem silly...but I'm sad.  And, at the same time I'm not fully ready to let go of what I want. I want to compete. I want to train. I want to have a faster Knoxville. I want to finish IMChoo 70.3 in May in under 6:30. I want to compete in another IM. I want to BQ. I want to run a 50 miler and a Hundred.

I just don't know what's the right thing to hold on to.

I think the answer is to be patient in the not knowing. To keep looking forward (not back) and to keep pressing onward. Just like in yesterday's race. I didn't know what might happen, but I knew I wasn't going to quit.

I actually finished quite strong. I was able to push the pace the last .1 mile from a 9:30 pace down to an 8:14. That doesn't make me sad at all.



Thanks for stopping by and sticking around.

Trying New Things

A couple of weeks ago I tried something new! Cross-country running!

Sure I've run trails before, lots of trails. And I've run at our old "Cross Country Park" but until that day I had never run "cross country".

It's different. If you've never done it, it's like running on the fairway of an old golf course. Funny because that's exactly what it was for me/us! Huntsville morphed it's old municipal golf course into a multi-use park that included a cross country run course. To officially open the new park a big Cross Country meet was held and they included a "community run" which I decided to enter.

When I signed up I didn't really think about the fact that this would be a new thing. But as the race drew closer I became more and more nervous. I asked Dwayne to sign up to run with me to pace me to a "faster 5K" (which he did). I was really glad he was with me. It sounds silly to be so nervous but I think the truth is I'm either having a little symptom flare of my brain disease or, as a friend put it, I'm at "critical mass" on stress and this little thing was a bigger thing in my head than it needed to be!

We got there in time for me to pick up my bib and to sort of warm up, and plenty of time for me to stress over the idea of doing this new and foreign thing! It wasn't long and we were lining up. If you look at the picture you can see the start is a long straight chute. It was designed for high school/college cross country races so to make the start more fair you can't have a big difference in start times. Each school/team has a starting spot. (If the start was like every other race start you could have a good :30-1:00 difference in start times between the first and last person to cross the start line.)

I knew I would start out too fast. There weren't a lot of people doing the race, I didn't want to start off in the very back even if that's where I eventually ended up. We were about a half a mile in and I saw a group of girls women I know. They are all faster than I am right now and all in MUCH better shape, probably training for a marathon....but I made it my goal to stay with them. Okay, so my real goal was to pass them, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. They were doing intervals so early on I thought at least staying with them was realistic. Every time they would walk I would start to close the gap...and then I would have to walk. They were running faster so throughout the 3.1 miles they slowly inched away.

We played a bit of leap frog with and older man who, like Dwayne, had run cross country back in college and this race was bringing back a lot of memories for them both.

I was struggling not so much with breath as I was with sheer energy level. It feels like I just don't have any oomph in my body. Like my muscles are all on vacation. My doctor thinks my adrenals just aren't working properly. She said when I was on steroids my adrenal glands basically retired. After getting off steroids they were told to come back to work but they are resisting that. I've been on an adrenal supplement but it's probably not strong enough. Also my ferritin levels are low. Ferritin is a protein that stores protein and releases it when your body needs it. The question is WHY are those levels low...we haven't figured that out. The short term answer is to get iron infusions, and I've been needing to get one for months. I've just put it off because it's not crucial. But no doubt I would be able to train (and in this case) race at a higher level if I got one.

At about mile 2.5ish we picked up a 15 year old runner who was walking. I'll call her coach because as we got to talking and she found out this was my first cross country race, she began to coach me! It was the cutest thing. She explained to me how I needed to relax on the down slopes and pick up my knees on the up slopes. She talked about mindset and breathing. 

I know from my own experiences, she was getting as much out of it as I was! 

One of the gals I was chasing starting walking and we caught up with her. She's a good bit younger than I am but her heart rate was SKY HIGH. She stayed with us a little bit but when we decided to pick it up at the end she held back to let her heart rate slow down a little bit.

Dwayne was still thinking I might be able to catch the other gals but I was giving all I had but they were still pulling slightly away. It was funny because they were just out for a training run. They ran miles before and after this little 5K. But I was (sort of) actually racing them. I ended up finishing just 30 seconds behind them so I was VERY VERY pleased given where I've been and how I've been feeling. It's the fastest 5K I've done in like 3 years! (33:21) I think if it had been on the road with the same terrain I might have been able to get that time close to 30 minutes!! That is VERY encouraging!!

The course was WONDERFUL. I will say at the time I didn't think I was a big fan of cross country running. It's harder than road running (slower and more work) but it's not as hard as trails (not as slow or as physically/mentally taxing). My legs and ankles weren't really sure what was going on! But, fairly quickly after it was over I decided I actually LOVED it for all those reasons! In fact I plan to go back to run it again soon. I think it's going to feel very weird to run the course alone since it's such a big open field, but I really liked the more-challenging-than-roads-but-not-as-challenging-as-trails aspect of it.

The next thing coming up for me right now is Little Rock Marathon but goal number one is a faster Knoxville Marathon next year....which means hills. I've really got to figure out what's going on with my ferritin and adrenals before then!

Thanks for stopping and and sticking around!

:D

Winning Silver

The Alabama State Games are going on in Huntsville this week. Sunday was the first ever State Games 5K!

I had not planned on running it. I was supposed to be directing the Youth Triathlon Saturday. Race directing usually zaps me so I had not signed up. Plus, I was thinking I might be needed as a volunteer. But because registration for the youth tri was super low, and the weather wasn't cooperative, my race was officially cancelled Wednesday night....and the 5K RD told me she had enough volunteers...so I decided I would do the 5K.

As of Friday there were only about 20 people signed up for the race so there was a very good chance I was going to qualify for Nationals (by default) depending on who showed up. I figured with my luck I would be the 4th in my age group to sign up and therefore NOT qualify. I could have easily found out but I didn't want to. I wanted to just show up, do my best, and let the outcome be what it would be.

I have had this nagging cough since back before the Give it Back Track 5K. In fact, my throat got sore the Thursday before the race. I was then diagnosed with (possible) walking pneumonia. (The dr didn't test me for it, she based her assessment on symptoms and the fact that no other meds, even a steroid shot, were working.) I thought I was getting better after Cotton Row but I still have these random coughing fits. Nothing seems to help and it's seriously driving me crazy. It seems to be worse at night. Consequently I didn't sleep well the night before the race. When I was up about an hour before my alarm, I almost turned it off to try to get some more sleep. But I quickly remembered that I actually really wanted to run this 5K.

The course started at the Rocket Center and ran down past Aviation Challenge and to the Botanical Gardens then back, finishing by going through the Rocket Park. This course is almost identical to what the high school kids bike in the Kids Fly Tri, and is similar to part of the Rocket City Marathon course. I knew the part from AC to the Gardens is a steady uphill and there are some little stingers (for me) at some other points. But it's a really fun course overall.

I'm not a fan of really small races. More often than not I like interacting with spectators. But my goal for this race was to try to run the whole thing (no matter how slow) and to give my very best effort. Sometimes when there are a lot of people (participants or spectators) I can get too interactive! I figured I would be last, or close to last, in this little race since I didn't figure many slower runners would sign up for a "State Games" race. I had decided that was going to have to be okay. SOMEONE  has to be last. And, in this race "last" was still going to be "21st overall" which sounds VERY impressive! :D

So I got up and showered (my usual pre-race ritual even though I know I'll get nasty/sweaty/stinky during the race I like to start out very fresh)! I ate a banana and headed to the Rocket Center. I got my bib and went to warm up. It was SO HUMID outside it felt like I was breathing water! Overall I felt sluggish but my legs were turning over better than they were a few months ago so I was at least hopeful.

With very little fanfare we were off promptly at 7am. 21 people at the start of a race feels like a very small fun run but with less talking and laughing! The only ones talking were two moms running with 2 little boys in the back with me. They were obviously just out for a fun run with their sons.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again...I ALWAYS race, even if I'm just "completing". I tend to think everyone does but maybe I'm wrong. My secondary goal (after "run the whole time") was to finish in front of the four of them! How sad...finish in front of two little boys and their mothers who were obviously capable of much faster running. But, goals are goals!

Little kids are funny...they "always" start off WAY too fast. These boys were no exception. Because I really didn't want to be dead last from the start, I was sticking with them. When I looked down at my watch about .25 in and saw a 9:xx pace I panicked a little bit. I knew I couldn't hold that. I knew hills were coming. I knew that was going against the number one thing on my "do not do" list...DO NOT start out too fast! In fact I started in the back trying to not let the adrenaline of the start of a race get me carried away. Yet, here I was running WAY faster than I had any business starting out. But yet I couldn't bring myself to slow down!! When we got to the first little increase in elevation the little boys fell back and I settled in.

Did I mention how HOT it was? Holy moly...hot and humid don't mix well. I do not regulate heat very well...thanks to my janky thyroid. Because of this* I have taken to running in a sports bra with no shirt. I have found I REALLY love the air on my stomach and it actually seems to make a BIG difference! But, because the race bib was so tiny I couldn't use my race belt. And because I wasn't thinking about taking my shirt off I had pinned my bib to my shirt...so I couldn't take it off. I wasn't even to mile one and I was already fading. But I told myself fading was okay, walking was not..."just keep running even if you slow down". I saw Dwayne at the aid station just after mile one. He gave me some good encouragement but I knew what was coming.

It's not a big hill like the one in Cotton Row. It's long and steady. Looking at the elevation profile on Garmin makes it seem like there's not even really an increase. But it's there and it seems like it's never  going to end! (It's actually only about a quarter of a mile long.)

There was another young boy in front of me (I figured he was about 12) who had been walking earlier on a down hill...I told him not to waste the downhill since an uphill was coming. On that uphill he started walking again. I'd like to say I had mercy on him and didn't pass him to save his budding teenage pride. But really I just needed a walk break! I gave myself right at 30 seconds and then started up again. So did he!

We rounded the turnaround corner and headed back. He started walking again (on the downhill). I was close enough to have a little chat with him** so I said "look, I'm an old lady. You don't want me to beat you! And, fair warning...if I'm with you at the finish, I WILL out-kick you, no doubt about it. So if you want to beat me, you have to put time in on me now!" It worked and he started running again...and then he yelled out "OUCH!!" I was about even with him then so I asked if he was okay. He said a leaf hit him in the eye but he was okay as I passed him. I took another little walk break and checked on him ***. He assured me he was fine so I started running again. I didn't see him again after that (until he crossed the finish line...after me).

When I got back to the aid station, I stopped to tell Dwayne how hot it was (he obviously wasn't feeling the same heat I was!) and I poured a cup of water on my neck. Looking at my data, that little thing (stopping for a couple of seconds and the cold water on my neck) dropped my HR seven beats! It didn't stay down though. Two minutes later I told myself I could have my third and last walk break.

It wasn't.

I know the middle of a race is the hardest. You are over the rush of the start and the relief of the end isn't in sight yet. My HR is usually pretty high relative to my pace. That's when I entered into negotiations with my body. "Okay...one more little walk break and then you'll tough it out to the finish, right?" My body gave one of those half-hearted nods but with fingers crossed! After my 4th walk break I entered the rocket park. I knew I only had about 1/2 mile to go at that point. I knew there was one TINY little "hill" going from the shuttle out toward the exit. But I also knew the finish was coming.

And yet, I couldn't hold on. I STARTED WALKING AGAIN. I was internally screaming at myself--"RUN!!! ...I mean...come on! You are at the finish! You CAN do it!" My body was like "..." well, I won't even write what my body was saying but it was obviously NOT going to run.

Until...

I rounded a little corner and heard a familiar voice of a friend yell "come on Dana!"...and just like that my body kicked into gear and started going again...all the way to the finish line...

34:11 by my watch. 10:50 average pace, 10:46 average moving pace. 8:39 best pace (in the first quarter mile no doubt!). Fastest paced run for 3 miles  I've had in over three years. In fact, I had to go back to October of 2015 to find one better! (I've had a couple of shorter faster runs but that's like comparing an apple to an orange.)

When I take a deep dive into my data, I couldn't be more thrilled! It's easy to say "I shouldn't have taken the breaks I did" but the data explains to me what was going on. Sure there's an aspect of mentally being able to push through adversity (just suck it up and be uncomfortable), but given where I've been and looking at all the factors at play...I could NOT be more thrilled with this race!! It's EASY to see why I walked. Every. Single. Time. And it's encouraging to see how my body responded to a decrease in elevation and how it reacted to the breaks (and the water dump!).

My effort landed me a 2nd place age group finish which qualified me for Nationals! (Who cares that it was 2nd of 2 or that it just so happened that EVERYONE who participated qualified because there were no more than 3 participants in any one 10-year age group?!)

I honestly feel like I've finally turned a corner. If I can train through the summer heat, when fall hits I will be ready to rock and roll! (Now I just have to find a race to focus on! Preferably one with more people in it and one where I'm not trying to compete against little boys!)

Thanks for stopping by and sticking around!

Footnotes:
*There was recently a "Bra Squad" run where women were encouraged (if they wanted to) run in just a bra (on top). I didn't get to go to that run but I had run a couple of times without a shirt and have found I like it A LOT. And, this post by a friend of mine after that run was total affirmation that "every body is a running body".

**Honestly, I usually think if I can chat, I'm NOT running as hard as I really can, but after looking at my data, I know what was going on and I like it (I'll explain in a later post).

***I honestly thought he was fading and needed an excuse to let me just pass him already. I didn't think he was really injured or that he needed assistance or I would have stopped.

10 Years and Counting

Yesterday I "ran" my 10th straight Cotton Row...yes 10th! Funny I kept saying it was my 9th but when I went back to read my recaps from the previous ones I've run I realized I ran my first one in 2010...that was year one...plus 9 more years...10. Yesterday was the 9th anniversary of running it the first time.

The plan about a month ago was for Dwayne to pace me. It wasn't that I was going to try to run fast, I just wanted to run as much as possible and I wanted him to push me just a little bit.

Then he broke his ankle while hiking! It's called an avulsion fracture. Basically the ligaments that hold the ankle bone pull the bone and break it. It wasn't a complete break but it was bad enough that he's in a cast for a while, then a boot, then a brace. Needless to say, he's not running.

Then just over 2 weeks ago I got sick. It turned out to (likely) be walking pneumonia! That caused my plan for Cotton Row to change once again to just finish.

And then something wonderful happen! A good friend of mine (she needs a blog name...) offered to run with me! She is "the girl with the broken foot", the one who ran the Grand Slam (3 50ks and a marathon) while pregnant...she's a multi-time IronMan finisher...you get the picture, she's a really good athlete. But... she had not run in like 6 (9?) months...and maybe only once in the last year. She was slightly concerned she wouldn't be able to keep up with me....but I was getting over walking pneumonia, and I haven't been able to run "well" in three years!! I never had one doubt that she'd be just fine doing the 10K with me.

But, really...who does that? Who has the ability to "just go run a 10K" having not run in like 6 (9?) months?! I think that's amazing. To me it highlights her athletic ability.

The race start moved this year due to construction and I LOVED the new start/finish. Thankfully it will be a permanent move. It's a Memorial Day race that now starts in our BEAUTIFUL downtown park. I think it's the perfect place for the event. We started with another friend who was telling us she had been dealing with an annoying cough for NINE MONTHS!! I have to say that freaked me out since I had been dealing with my cough for over 2 weeks. Our plan was to run 3 walk 1. I was concerned because the race now starts going up a little hill and I was struggling to complete that first 3 minute run. I was very glad for that first walk break! Our "coughing" friend said she didn't need to walk so she ran on.

We very quickly got to where the old Mile 1 used to be...and I just as quickly remembered it wasn't mile 1 on the new course! But then a couple more intervals and BAM...1 down, 5.2 to go. It was HOT. Really hot. But, I wasn't coughing NEARLY as much as I thought I would. In fact, I don't think I coughed much at all. The worst thing for me was that my saliva seemed THICK. I kept having to spit out yuck. Now, I usually spit a lot when I run but yesterday it was much worse than usual. I don't think it's sinus drainage...it's like gunk was bubbling up from my lungs! (I know...gross.) But given the fact that I had not even been able to WALK the dog without having to stop for a coughing fit, I was VERY pleased at the trade off of spitting out yuck for coughing up a lung! (I am always VERY careful to pay attention where I'm sending my saliva and VERY mindful of the people around me.)

We made the turn by the cemetery and the 3/1 intervals went out the window. I did feel bad about that because my friend is a spreadsheet kind of gal. She likes order. A chaotic interval is HARD for the body to manage because you never know what to expect. But I was walking more frequently than the interval called for so I didn't feel too horrible about it. We stopped and talked with a friend for minute and then before I knew it we were at "the hill".

I realize this hill doesn't look so impressive on this elevation profile of the course, but it's steep. There's a homeowner who plays the theme from Rocky every year and a lot of people cheer runners on all along the way. I have run up it once in the race (several times in training). That was the year Dwayne was sick...the year the tree fell and the start had to be delayed for an hour! I was in good shape that year. This year I seriously struggled to just keep moving! We had friends who were supposed to be at the top of the hill with MIMOSAS...and they did not disappoint!!! I was very happy to see them. The shot of Champagne and OJ hit the spot!

You can see this course goes up about three miles and then basically down about three. The first downhill is just right in my opinion. It's not so steep that your knees take a beating. Then there's a little uphill bump and a second downhill section. That one feels a little steeper and a little longer. Usually it's okay but yesterday that one was harder because my legs weren't turning over quite fast enough to really take advantage of the elevation loss. I could tell I was losing steam.

We got to a new section of the course and it was weird to turn a different way! I had not been on any of the preview runs and I had not studied the map at all so it was all brand new. It was a little disconcerting! I have run this 10k race 9 times but I've run the course A LOT more than that. It's like a familiar friend that you don't have to WORK to be around. Someone with whom the conversation just flows. Someone you don't have to be on guard with. That course has always been comfortable to me. But this was new. Now it's not like there weren't hundreds of people around. It's not like it was at the Knoxville Marathon where I was all alone and had to pay attention to make sure I stayed on course. But it was new and different enough that it caused me to have to focus.

...the brain is interesting. Most people don't even realize when their brain isn't functioning the way it should. Because of what I've been through with my brain the last three years, I'm more aware sometimes than I probably need to be. Everyone has had the experience of walking into a familiar place but it looks different so it causes you to stop a bit and look around. Maybe a room was redecorated or something that should be there has moved. You know that momentary "wait a minute...this isn't right" kind of feeling you get? That's what was happening with me. I mean...this was a new course. OF COURSE it's different. But it was weird because my brain was much more confused than it should have been. Looking back I know what was going on.

The frontal lobe is a very energy hungry part of the brain. That's the decision making and willpower part of the brain. I was struggling from the start with simple math on the intervals. (I should have just used the lap button on my watch but I wanted to keep up with mile splits so I didn't want to hit the lap button...I figured it was going to be easy to keep up with 3/1 intervals but I was struggling from the 2nd interval.) By that point in the race (mile 5) I was having to keep bringing my brain back. It's hard to explain. It's like herding kittens.

It wasn't BAD. I think it was a mostly just normal end of race low glycogen thing that I was hyper aware of because of what I've been through. 

My friend is a lot like me in that she's competitive. Even being at the back of the pack in a "race" we were never intending to "race" we were both looking for people we wanted to get in front of. She pointed someone out and said let's just make sure we are in front of that person at the finish. It's not really a matter of "I want to beat that person" as much as it is a technique to push through. It's much like "run to the next mailbox"...it gives you something to focus on other than what's going on inside your body. And it's a moving target when it's a person. I do it EVERY. SINGLE. RACE. No matter if I'm "racing" or "completing". EVERY TIME. I think almost everyone does it but maybe I'm wrong. 

We quickly got in front of that person. As we rounded the last corner we had the realization that we had an uphill blip before a little downhill finish. I spotted another moving target to try to get in front of. Then my friend saw the time clock said 1:24:45 and she said something like "let's get in before it hits 25"...so I kicked.

I usually have a very fast finish line kick. For a long while it's been a toss up if it will be there or not. I didn't think it would show up given how slowly my legs were turning over in that earlier downhill section. But, when I pushed the "kick" button, it was ALL THE WAY there! I LOVE THAT!! I love crossing a finish line not being able to talk! I love that feeling so very much!! Even in a crazy slow "race" I was walk/running with the goal to "complete".

It was NOT my slowest finish (YAY). It WAS one of the (if not THE) most fun Cotton Row 10Ks I've done. I've never been much of a "running with friends" kind of runner. I ran with Daisy A LOT for a long time but we didn't do races together. (I don't ever remember doing a race with her in fact...that's kind of strange given how much we ran together.) I think that's more logistics than anything else. I run from home as soon as I wake up. I don't make plans to meet up with other people to run. I actually like running alone. But the last two running with friends experiences (this one and Bridgestreet Half) have been REALLY REALLY good. 

But I think more than running with friends I like to push my body.

I've decided that my goal for this next year is to get back to a sub 60:00 CR10K. I've only done it once. I'm confident I can do it again. Right now that's my A goal for next year. That means more running and SERIOUS hill training. That fits in with my B goal...better time at Knoxville Marathon. I think that goal will be "easy" with proper marathon training and hill work. I won't run 2 other marathons leading up to that race so a "better time" really should just happen as a product of planning. All the marathon training miles and hill work will flow right into working on speed for CR10K. 

The fact that I'm even ABLE to plan this stuff out is such a GREAT THING!!! If you've ever pulled a muscle you have an understanding of what it's like to get to a point where you are using that muscle without pain. Imagine if that injury were to your brain.... I know I talk about it a lot but it's something so crazy... you just can't even imagine what's it's like to have your brain not fully functioning. I'm just so glad I'm not at that place in life anymore!

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around.

Will I? I Will...

Tomorrow I WILL complete my 9th straight Cotton Row 10K! I'm making that declaration now to set it in stone. It WILL happen.

my first Cotton Row 10K!

Let me explain by going back in time... For anyone who knows me well or who has been reading my blog, you can skip this recap. But for anyone else, hear me out so you'll have a more complete picture of where I am right now in my journey.

In 2009 I decided I would go from a mostly non-runner to a marathoner (I had tried several times in life to become a runner but it never really stuck). I started training and ran my first CR10K that year, injured (because I went from being a 40 year old "non-runner" to running too many miles too fast!). Fast forward through the years...triathlon training, becoming a coach, IMLT '13, IMChoo '15... I would argue that in 2015 I was in very good physical and mental shape. I had started a kids triathlon team and was race directing a kids triathlon that I had started. I was training HARD for a sub 13 hour IM and hitting most of my training goals. I had a near perfect day and got my goal. Shortly after that I started having weird symptoms. It was a long list of strangeness...that culminated in a diagnosis of Autoimmune Encephalopathy. Before I started steroid treatments I had started weakening and slowing. Autoimmune fatigue is like no other kind of fatigue I've ever experienced. I think at my "worst" I was only able to muster the ability to walk at about a 20 minute pace. Fast forward to when I stopped treatments...I thought I'd be making a swift and full comeback. Fast forward another 18 months to the beginning of this year....

I don't remember when the plan hatched but at some point I had the brilliant idea that my better half and I would participate in three marathons in four weeks. I picked three that had longer cutoffs to increase my chances of making the goal. (We direct the Rocket City Marathon...I wanted to be a Marathon Maniac and we had plans to work the expos of all three races. Does that make it sound better?)

Before the start

Marathon one was the Little Rock Marathon on March 3rd. I grew up in North Little Rock and went to college at UALR. Little Rock is like going home for me. They have a HUGE medal, a GREAT course, and like an 8 hour cut off! Their slogan is "a race for all paces". The back half of the course is HARD with some gnarly hills but I love this race. I did it in 2018 and came in at about 7:45 with a big blister on the bottom of my foot. My A goal was sub 6 for this year, but I didn't (couldn't?) train to that end. My longest run was 17.5 miles and my weekly miles were very low. But I still ended up coming in at 6:04! If I didn't have to visit almost EVERY SINGLE portopottie along the way I would have easily made my goal. (I still don't know what caused the bladder issue...)

One of the other things that made this race hard for me was caused because I FAILED TO READ THE PRE-RACE INSTRUCTIONS!! This is a classic "I've done this race before" mistake. I didn't think I needed to read the pre-race emails. In my defense, I don't think any of their email subject lines highlighted the fact there was new information there to read! (It's weak, I know.) In the past everyone (all paces) started together. This year you had to chose. If you were going to go over 6 hours you were supposed to get a special bib to start early (6am) but if you were going to be 6 or under you were supposed to start at 8am. I was HOPING to be under 6 but I really didn't know. I didn't get the special bib...and didn't really even know about it until the night before. The cutoffs were weird to me because it was supposed to be 8 hours from 6am. That would make it 6 hours from 8am but I had read somewhere it was 6:15 from 8am. I was concerned the whole time that I wasn't going to make it but overall I was very pleased with a 6:04 finish time.

Yes...I wore the Go-Pro!

Two weeks later was the Ashville Marathon. This one is held on the grounds of the Biltmore Estate! It's touted as "America's largest backyard" marathon! I got to run the front half with a friend I had met at RCM this year. When she peeled off, there was only one person in front of me and one person behind me that I could see. I quickly passed the person in front of me...and then found out the SWEEPER was right on my tail! The person who had been behind me caught up and started complaining. We actually had "plenty of time" according to the 7 hour cutoff but because we were the last people in the marathon the sweeper was with "us". He did NOT like that! He kept telling her to back off and saying how rude it was for her to be running with "us". I couldn't get far enough away from that guy! Other than his incessant complaining, that was such a LOVELY course!! The front half is mostly on paved roads but the back half is mostly on dirt roads. It ran through the estate and gardens, and through all the farms and the vineyard! It was so pretty out there! The worst part was the last couple of miles are this LONG out and back through a park. You go RIGHT by the finish like twice. It's so long and straight and flat I wanted to just stop. But I was happy that I passed like 15 people in those last few miles for a 6:15 finish! Again, I was pleased with that overall. I will say the thing I did NOT like about that race was the fact that they had PACKED UP POST RACE FOOD before I got done!!! Dwayne finished at just over 4 hours and they were packing it up THEN!!!

😡😡😡

I also had to pay for my post-race massage! That felt foreign to me since I've never seen that done before. But...it was also the BEST post race massage I've ever had! I was thankful for it because we drove back right after we were done (about 5 hours).

Two weeks after that came the Knoxville Marathon. It's been long enough now I can say I loved that race! That is one HILLY course. Start to finish. Hills. The half splits at like mile 12.5 or something and from then on I was pretty much ALL ALONE. Except there were still people at every aid station with PLENTY of aid and there were STILL people CHEERING on the course!!

I think the thing that hurts is the fact that there are about 2000 people who do the half and only about 600 who do the marathon. I could not get over just how ALONE I was the second half. And, it was so FREAKING HILLY. It was HARD. SO HARD.

At about mile 20 I hated everything (except the AMAZING people who were still out there cheering!) I actually called Dwayne and was talking to him when I realized the course was going onto a HIGHWAY ONRAMP!!! I was telling him I thought maybe he should come get me. I don't think I would have really allowed him to come get me but I really didn't know if I could make it another 6+ miles ALONE.

And then my watch started buzzing...(it's connected to my phone so I can see my texts). Apparently Dwayne made a facebook post with my live track asking for people to send me encouraging messages.

It worked. I actually starting crying. I wasn't alone anymore. I had people who were with me every step that last 10K. Cheering me on and being so encouraging.

I came in at 6:54. It's interesting because I can't say that I ever really wanted to quit and I didn't ever think I wasn't going to finish but it did make me doubt if I ever wanted to run another marathon as long as I live! But here I am wondering if I can train to run it better next year! Did I mention how HARD it was? But the people on the course were AMAZING. The town was AMAZING. And...there was SO MUCH post race food when I got done!! And, because of my sweet husband making a post and my sweet friends responding en masse with SO MANY texts, I can now say it was a great race overall. HARD but really good. I think I kind of have to do it again...

Somewhere along the way I saw the medal and shirt for the Bridgestreet Half Marathon. I didn't look at the timing of the race...I was just blinded by the awesome shirt and medal so I signed up.

It was one week after the marathon of marathons! But it also has a four hour cutoff so I figured I'd surely be fine. I ran with a friend who kept me running even when I didn't really FEEL like it to come in WAY under my A goal of "sub 3" ...2:40 to be exact!! I was STOKED!! That 12:13 pace was probably the fastest I had run in over 3 years! For 13.1 miles! After completing 3 marathons in the previous 5 weeks!!!

I felt like I was on my way BACK!! Finally!

I'm three years post-diagnosis. I've been off steroids almost two years. It seems like it's WAY past time to be coming back from all of this.

Post run photo!

Then...on May 2nd I did something I haven't done in all that time...I ran a FULL 5K!!! Ran the whole thing! I didn't walk even ONE STEP!!

Relive 'I ran a whole 5k!!'

I actually still can't believe I did it! 11:40 pace for 3.1 miles! NOT FLAT miles either.

I was so very happy. I thought ahead to Cotton Row and I got excited! My goal for CR10K was to run a mile and take a short break the whole time, walking up the big hill. But with this run under my feet I felt like anything was possible!!

Then, exactly one week later I got sick. Here I am 17 days later...still sick! Turns out it's likely walking pneumonia!! I have been on 2 prescriptions for coughing, 1 breathing med (that I couldn't take because it really hurt my stomach!), 1 antibiotic, 1 steroid shot and 1 round of prednisone. I do feel slightly better now than I did a week ago but I'm still coughing and still can't get a deep breath.

Just in time for my 10th straight Cotton Row 10K!

I checked with the doctor yesterday to make sure there was no medical reason I shouldn't do the race. She said I would cough the whole time...I can live with that. I don't know if the people around me will appreciate it, but I can deal with that annoyance so that I don't break my streak!

It's really not even a question IF I will.... I WILL finish. I might be the VERY LAST person to finish, but I WILL finish.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!

A Race Really Isn't About the Awards (Part 5)

I'm going to wrap this up today, I promise. (You can click the back button below to get to the first four parts.)

Here we are 10 days past race day and I still can't stop thinking about all that this race taught me about myself and about directing races. I don't think I'm even able to put it all into words...although I'm sure trying!

Just after the race started I got a call about the awards. I can't say at this point that I remember every word of that conversation but I was in shock because I realized they weren't right. The details of what specifically wasn't right doesn't matter. I just mentally added it to my list of things I needed to somehow fix.

Here's the thing about directing a race. It's NEVER about the logistics or the specifics. It's ALWAYS about solving a problem. Some races have just a few problems that need to be solved...this one seemed to have problems all along the way. I felt like I was barely able to keep up.

It's interesting to me because about this time (20 minutes into the race) I got a text that I didn't even see until the next day. (Or, if I did see it I realized there was nothing I could do about it at that point and I blocked it out of my memory!) I'll come back to that text later... When I got over to the finish line I had a conversation with someone about the awards and found out why they were wrong. I said I would figure out a solution...but I dropped that ball.

I was supposed to have given the timer a new list of the results I wanted. It was a very specific set of results that was very different from any other race I've done. Most races have 5 or 10 year age groupings for awards. But this race has so many little kids, and historically so few adults, they do more concentrated groups for the younger kids and broader groups for the older ones. Leading up to race day there were a lot of discussions between HICLC and the person making the awards and myself. One big mistake is that we never had a discussion where we were all together. And I didn't communicate my expectations in an email. It was all via messenger and text. Communication gets LOST in messages. And when you have three people involved in a discussion but they aren't all together that process gets further complicated. Add to that my failure in giving the timer the new list and you have a recipe for major confusion.

I wish that was the only "major" issue. I got word the day after the race that there were no cups on the

Not taken at this race...

course!! At least that's what a couple of people thought. There were two aid stations-mile 1 and mile 2. But at least 2 people only saw one of them (mile 1) and there were no cups at that one. Further investigation into the matter revealed there were in fact cups at the mile 2 station. But...remember that text I had not apparently not seen...it was telling me there were no cups at mile 1. (It was WAY too late into the race to do anything about it but I thought it incredibly ironic!) What really floored me was that the instructions I gave to the person setting up the aid stations spelled out how many cups to take to each station. WHY weren't they taken? (I still don't know and at this point I don't think the reason really matters. I know how to fix it next year!)

But, this race was about SO MUCH more than just the problems that came up. And it was more than just some people going out to run a 5K or a 1 mile race.

I can't even begin to write about all the stories I heard along the way...

There was a little girl who had apparently been told she only needed to complete the 1 mile event who lined up for the 5K. As she came around the final turn (about an hour and 20 minutes after the start of the race...that's a pace of about 25 minutes per mile!) the police car that was behind her started playing "Eye of the Tiger" over his loud speaker! She jogged in that final stretch looking like a CHAMP!!! Then, after she had some water, she WENT BACK OUT to do the extra mile so she could meet the challenge I put out to all the kids!!! I couldn't have been more proud!!! More kids this year did both distances than any other year past!!  AND other participants took that challenge right along with them! Many of the 5Kers had trained with a group to run their first 5K...and they topped that first 5K off with and EXTRA MILE!!!

I've never really been the "participation award" kind of gal. I think just to participate in something doesn't make you special...most of the time. But for some things it takes guts to even start the event. Heck, for some things it takes guts to even train to get TO the start. I think to step outside of your comfort zone and to voluntarily participate in something that you 1) didn't know you could do, 2) didn't really have a desire to do before you were pushed, and/or 3) was totally optional matters. It's means something JUST to do the thing. You don't have to beat the person next to you because you are probably not competing against them anyway.

Along my fitness journey there have been more times than I can count that I didn't WANT to train. I didn't WANT to swim, bike, run, pick up heavy things...towing the line at a race was the easy part most of the time. I get that for a lot of competitors out there a race is just that--a RACE against the others who showed up on that day. But I'm willing to bet that for most of us that's not what it's about at all. It's about fighting all the voices in my head (and in real life) that said I couldn't do it. It's about the determination it took to get up day after day to get my body ready for the event. It's about fighting all the obstacles to get to the start and then continuing that fight all the way to the finish. The award, or the participation medal, or the race shirt...those are just reminders of what it took to get there.

I'm not going to lie...I feel like I "deserve" an award for directing this race! And I got it. Or I should say I got "them". All the smiles and hugs! I wish I could describe for you the difference between this race and all the others but it's really something you have to experience. If I have anything to say about it though, you won't get to experience it as the RD...I'm vying for that job again next year myself. You'll have to settle for either being a sponsor, a volunteer or a participant. Save the date now....2nd Saturday in May, the day before Mother's Day.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around. That's all I am going to say about that. :D

A Race Really Isn't About the Awards (Part 4)

This is part 4...I'm hoping you aren't picking up right here...that would be like someone trying to start watching Survivor with only 2 episode left in the season. You don't know who can be trusted and who is a snake, and you have no idea who is blindsiding whom because you haven't been watching! Go get caught up first. Here's Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3


We were just a couple of weeks away from race day and numbers weren't what I was hoping they would be (only about 60 participants other than the kids in the Learning Center). I know from experience that people are registering later and later for races, sometimes waiting until race morning to sign up, but I was concerned. We didn't have enough runners for all the kids to have running buddies and I simply didn't know how to get more.

Not only that but I found out the group who "always" works the aid stations wasn't going to be able to do it this year. And my volunteer sign up was looking pretty thin.

I don't usually worry too much about getting volunteers for a race because I have found that most people sign up for that at the last minute. I think it was easier when we didn't have on-line sign ups but just a spreadsheet of names. Joe-Bob says "hey I can help" and you put him on the list. Now you tell him "okay...will you go online and sign up"...it's just a little bit of a hassle. I know I don't usually sign up to volunteer for a race until last minute. Maybe that's why it's not so concerning to me when I don't see a lot of names on my list...I trust that people will actually show up to help.

But without runners I wasn't going to have enough buddies. AND Daisy wasn't having much luck in the fund raising department.

Many of the races I've directed are break-even kind of events. The goal hasn't been to make money but to put on a quality event  at the least possible price for the runner/triathlete. So I get sponsors only so that I can keep the registration cost low. I usually take all the projected costs and divide them by the expected number of participants. Then I look at what I think the cost per participant should be. Ideally, in a perfect world, those two numbers would be about the same. But they never are in my world of kids triathlon. Let me give you an example...the price to put it on one of the kids triathlons I direct, without any sponsors, would be about $7K. But the expected number of participants paying the max amount that would be a reasonable fee would only bring in about $4300. (That's mostly due to how many participants the venue can realistically hold not necessarily the popularity of the event.)

Sure there are two answers, charge more money or get more participants. Okay, there's a third option to not have the event. But I think some events are worth going to the extra work of getting sponsors. Charity/fund-raising events are different...sponsors aren't simply giving to the event to put the event on, they are donating to a charity. The event is just the vehicle to raise the money. It's like no one buys the school fund-raising crap so they can have the over-priced sheets, wrapping paper or cookie dough...they are giving money to help the school (or so little Johnny can "earn" his prize for selling the most crap!). (But why not just give ALL the money you were going to spend on the stuff to the school instead of most of it going to the cookie dough, sheets, or wrapping paper company? But that's another post for another day...)

This 5K is different for so many reasons.

This race NEEDS sponsors and donors because there are about 60 kids running for "free". The LC kids all get a shirt (which costs money). Although the funds do go to a non-profit, it's not really about making money, it's about giving the kids the chance to give back. If there's no money at the end of the day then they have nothing to give the non-profit they chose.

obviously not our awards..

There's at least one more thing the money has been used to pay for in the past...awards. In the past awards were purchased. When I received the box of stuff from past races I noticed there were A LOT of left over awards in there! These were awards that were purchased but not given out (because participation was low so there wasn't a winner of all these awards). This year I asked the LC art teacher to make them...and she did. She made BEAUTIFUL awards. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

One of the many confusing things that had come up along the way was the issue of post-race food. When I was first told about the race I thought the post race food was provided by the families of the HICLC kids. I thought that was a brilliant idea! Not many 5ks have great post-race food like they were talking about (tamales, enchiladas, flan, tres leches cake...YUM!). But at some point I found out that was just for the HICLC kids' after party. The racers got your typical post race fare along with some sandwich roll-ups. That food had been either donated or purchased by the RD. Now I'm not against donating to a race I'm directing but I certainly didn't want to spend money for sandwich roll-ups when there would be a huge post-race buffet prepared by the families of the kids that could be made available to runners who decided to stick around after the race! Thankfully the parents and kids LOVED the idea too!

As the race got closer the kids were in the process of deciding if they were going to run either the 5K, the 1 mile or both distances. In the past the kids trained and they were divided up into ability groups for the distances. But I knew there would be some slower moving adults out there, even some walkers. And I knew that there was no reason a kid who was able to run (or "run") a 5k couldn't also go back out and complete a 1 mile. So I challenged them ALL to do both distances.

As the race drew near we had a wonderful benevolent benefactor (who I believe would want to remain nameless) who donated a chunk of money so that they kids would be able to give something to Graces of Gurley after the race expenses were paid. We also had a flurry of registrations, despite the fact thunderstorms were predicted--right up until the MORNING OF THE RACE!!! That was crazy...I had to prepare as if it was going to thunderstorm the morning of the race by setting up alternative race day packet pickup and runner buddy matchup sites. Thankfully the weather that morning was wonderful!

Things seemed to be going very well race morning...until they didn't...

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around...one more part of this rambling story to go....

A Race is Really Not About the Awards (Part 3)

In case you're just popping in and you missed it...I'm writing all about the various lessons I learned while directing a small local 5K called the Give it Back Track.

I was asked with only a few months to go until race day to direct a local 5K. The race is put on by the Huntsville Inner City Learning Center so that the kids who attend the center can have the change to "give back" to the community that gives so much to them. The course starts about 1/2 mile from the Learning Center and finishes pretty much at it's front door.

Now I'm not sure what you think of when you hear the words "inner city" but I think of places like downtown Detroit or Chicago. The words that come to mind for me are poverty, crime, danger, and drugs. I don't really think of the Huntsville Alabama I am used to seeing, even though I drive past the housing projects on this course several times a month. I drive past them, I don't drive through them.

When I found out the course of this race runs in the heart of one of what I hope is the "worst" neighborhoods we have in our city, if I'm being completely honest, I panicked. MY name would be on the race permit. My name would the one where it says "person responsible for putting this event on". If someone got hurt I would be the one a finger would be pointing too. I don't go into those neighborhoods for a reason.

And yet...some of the kids who attend the Learning Center LIVE in those neighborhoods. LIVE THERE EVERY DAY. Sleep there. Wake up there. Spend weekends there. The ones who don't live in the race course neighborhoods live in areas like them.

LIVE THERE. They don't just drive past and they don't just run through.


When I started my own non-profit, one of my biggest goals was to bring low income kids into the sport of triathlon in order to teach them life skills needed to persevere in life. Mental and physical strength. Endurance. Integrity. Moxie. My goal would be to get kids in neighborhoods like these and give them some of the skills they need to be able to get out. And yet I found myself scared to event think about running through.

I was struck by that. If I wasn't willing to even go into the neighborhood how on earth could I think I would be able to impact the kids who live there. How can anyone truly help someone they refuse to actually SEE? Sure you can give money to a cause but until you are touched by it you can't fully connect with it. It's one thing to provide a meal for a kid, it's another to hear their stomach growl, and even yet another to go hungry yourself. It's one thing to donate a pair of shoes but quite another to see kids running in shoes that are too small (or too big because they haven't yet grown into them).

But I was struggling for so many reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I did not (and still don't) think the race was the best way to accomplish it's MAIN goal. I was told the MAIN reason this race is put on is so that the kids can have the chance to know what it's like to give back.

But that's like saying kids raise the money in school fundraisers. Okay, maybe some of them do -- the ones who have a car wash or bake sale. But most kids' parents sell the crap the school has told them to peddle (cookie dough, sheets - yes, sheets! - wrapping paper, candy bards...the list goes on). The kids don't sell that stuff, the parents do. Then the kids get some little prize for how much the parents sell. For this race, historically, the organizer gets donations so that after all the bills are paid a check can be written to a non-profit. The kids aren't involved in the planning or the production of the race. They train to run it and then run it...that's about it. Well, they probably pose for a picture with the big check.

That was a big disconnect in my mind. I don't like when the thing you are doing isn't pushing you toward the goal you are trying to reach. It would be like saying I'm going to sit on a couch and watch someone else run to get ready for a marathon. ...it does't work like that.

But I also knew I didn't have time to do anything differently. I sort of tried, but I just wasn't going to be able to pull it off in the amount of time I had left.

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around...we are ALMOST there...