WARNING: This is a very self indulgent post, but I'm going to publish it anyway...feel free to skip on over to the next blog on your reader roll! I still love you. I promise, I'll post something better next time! :D
No, this post is not about where I grew up...it's about how far I've come in my training. I am SO GLAD I've been blogging faithfully about running. I am such an in-the-moment kind of gal, I forget what it was like any moment before the one I'm in right now. Since I went for an MRI this morning, I've been feeling a little down-a lot down. There's part of me that wants there to be something "wrong" so that this pain I've been feeling since close to the beginning of when I started running (as evidenced by my blog entries) isn't just me being a "princess". At the same time, I don't want to stop running, even for a short time for PT, so if they were to say it's just strain, then it would seem to me I could keep running and just learn to suck it up. But, if they do find something, then there will be an "answer"--stretches, strengthening exercises, ice/heat, massage, medications, injections--and I would know after a certain amount of time (even if I did have to stop running for a short time) that I would be able to run "pain free". If they don't find anything I'm going to be left with nothing to point my finger to. I don't know if I have what it takes to run through this pain. It really hurts. Granted, there have been better days than others, but, right now, I can't even run from my front door to my car!!
Okay, anyway.....it's very interesting to go back and read how excited I was that first time I ran longer than a minute in one stretch. Another very interesting thing is to see how fast I was going initially. My pace was much faster in the beginning. Granted, I couldn't run for long, but boy was my pace fast. That seems to tell me I can run fast. Even yesterday (after going almost 3 full miles to "warm up") on a hurting calf (but not as much as it was when I started the walun for the day)---I kicked it up at the end to a pace of 7:52. It felt good to run. It didn't feel "good", but man do I love to run. I can not wait for my leg "issue" to be solved one way or another.
I think the truth is that I just started out too fast. One thing I was adamant about in the beginning was training VERY slowly. I "should have" signed up for the 5K training, like I had originally planned. But, when it came down to it, I "thought" I could handle the 10K training. But, even that might not have helped, because as I've read back through my original posts, my leg pain showed up very early on. I think, no matter what, the truth is that I should have done some strength training in the very beginning--especially for the front calf muscles. What's bad is that I KNEW that. I knew it from a trainer I worked with a couple of years ago...and I knew it when I first started running. I just didn't trust myself to believe what I thought my body was telling me!
It's funny because I feel about running sort of the way I feel about my husband. In the beginning, I was consumed. It/he was all I thought about all the time. Now, it's/he's part of my life like my arms and legs. It's more than just an emotional love or obsession....it's/he's a part of me in a deeper way. I don't feel the same exact euphoria because I think that was sort of the newness of the relationship, but the love of running, and the love I have for my husband is so deep that to lose it/him would be like not being able to breath...like having my heart stop beating.
Okay....I'll stop gushing now (but only on the blog, I'm still doing it on the inside--just in case you were wondering).
I saw a post on a running forum written by someone who was so excited that she had just run a whole mile without walking. She was so excited because it had ONLY taken a year to get to that point. She said her next goal was to run a 5K by New Year's. It really put into perspective for me the fact that I just started running, at 40 (with arthritis I might add), in January. Five months of training and I ran 5 miles straight just a couple of weeks ago (with only a 10 second walk break), and 6.23 miles last week with only a couple of walk breaks. I'm so hard on myself because I look at that achievement and I'm so quick to down play it in my mind-to waive it off like shooing a fly away from the picnic table. As if what I've accomplished means nothing---less than nothing. I would NEVER do that with anyone else. I would cheer my heart out for anyone else, but (so far) not for myself.
Yea me. There, I said it....and I'm not going to take it back! I've gone from never having been a runner to being able to call myself a runner.
Hi, my name is Dana and I'm a runner!!
Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!