A Race is Really Not About the Awards (part 2)

If you are just popping in, you might want to read the back story to this post before moving on...unless you like starting a book part of the way in, or coming into a movie late.

But here's a little recap anyway...Daisy asked me to direct a local little 5K...for the Kids. Then she had me meet the director of the Huntsville Inner City Learning Center. Wow...that is one Godly man. He's wise (that is not code for "old"...) and he's probably one of the most affirming men I've ever met. He's not encouraging like a cheerleader. It's different. It's like he looks into your soul, sees all the good parts and then highlights them! But then she put the final nail in my coffin...she introduced me to the KIDS who go to the HICLC.

Oh these kids....they aren't your average bunch of kids. These kids have been taught, at the Learning Center, to be respectful and responsive. They aren't allowed to not engage in conversation with real words. They aren't allowed to fail in school. There are high expectations put on them and they are given the tools to succeed.

The schedule at the Learning Center is basically the same every day:

• arrive from school either via parent or HICLC "buses"
• physical activity or enrichment (art, music, dance, mindfulness...)
• Bible study 
• dinner
• homework
• parent pick up

They are amazing kids....and that sealed the deal. I almost heard God's audible voice..."say yes and I will give you the time and tools you need to get the job done". I found out that the kids actually pick the non-profit they give the money to which I truly felt like put me at a disadvantage because I wouldn't want to make a strong case for why MY organization should receive the money when I was the one directing the race. But I also didn't want anyone else making that case for us. It didn't matter at that point, I knew I was going to direct it no matter what because I was hooked on these kids. 

The organization the kids ultimately picked to receive the money was Graces of Gurley, an

organization that provides for the needs of children living the the Gurley area. It sounded like a super worthy cause but that did mean two things: 1) I was not going to be able to play a super active role in the fundraising aspect of the race because I am the ED of my own non-profit. It would get VERY difficult for me to go to a business and try to explain that...I'm the ED of OKT, I'm directing a race for HICLC that will donate money to GoG. Wait, what? So I talked to Daisy who said she would handle the fund raising aspect of the race.

I met with the the original RD's and the program director of HICLC early on to ask them if there were any aspects of the previous race they definitely wanted to keep. They all said no...other than running buddies would be recruited for each child for race day. I said it was my goal to get people to come to the LC to train with them too. But fairly quickly it became the mantra of the process that "this is the way it's always been done in the past". If I heard it once I heard it a hundred times. Everything from post race food to the colors on the tshirt. 

This created the platform for one of the biggest lessons I learned from directing this race. There can be only one leader. Well...you can have 2 co-leaders if you are committed to being in agreement with each other, but there can't be a panel of decision makers for every aspect of a race. It simply bogs down the whole process and everything becomes a discussion. And, with very little time to go until this race day, discussion couldn't be the norm of the day. Ultimately the director has to be in charge of the event. Because in the end the director will take the heat for any error that has been made.

I've always been reluctant to make decisions about things when someone else has a loud "voice". This comes from being someone who was taught early on that it was necessary to please people in power. Loud and firm voices typically come from people in charge. And, I have historically had a very hard time standing firm in the face of someone in authority (either real or perceived) over me. I crumble and I give in even when I believe I'm right. This doesn't make for the best race director. An RD is really just a problem solver. But, if a problem comes up and there are too many voices, the problem doesn't usually get solved, it just gets discussed.

I found out quickly that there were MANY aspects of this race that one person really wanted to keep in place. In fact, based on the number of times I heard "that's just they way it's always been done" I would say she wanted to keep everything EXACTLY the same as it had been. But why wasn't I told that from day one? Why was it implied that I would have the freedom to direct the race as I saw it needed to be directed? When I realized I didn't have the freedom to actually be the director I checked out a little bit. Not completely, I did still get some things done, but I didn't put my whole self into it because I felt like I was having my hands tied (true or not...that feeling felt real). Every decision began to feel like an uphill battle.

Added to that I had a fledgling program I was trying to get off the ground that I had to devote A LOT of attention to. And there were issues that were coming up with the marathon...big major issues that had to be dealt with.


And then I drove the course.

This course goes through parts of town I do not drive in much less run in. There is one small part that is the same as the marathon course (like 25 feet of the marathon course...). That one part caused me a lot of angst when we were videoing the course last year. We were riding our bikes along the course so I could produce one mile videos each week leading up to race day. We had to ride past that part a few times. Every time I would get a little nervous because it's an area that homeless people congregate. But this course is a running course. With kids. And that's NOT the worst part of the course. It crosses TRAIN TRACKS four times!! It runs past the tent cities, by the food bank, and through several Housing Project alley ways.

Then less than two months from race day there was a shooting in one of the housing projects on the course. 

I was told there had been like 4 shootings there in the last few months.

At that point I started having nightmares....

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around. Hang on, there's so much more...

A Race is Really Not About the Awards (part 1)

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I wrote a post in this blog. That's what being busy will do to me. I have so much to write about and yet there's just no time to sit and type. The thing that gave me pause this morning...the thing that was so burning that I couldn't NOT take the time to make the time happen was my experience directing a 5K that happened yesterday.

I came into directing races in 2014 when I had the audacity to put together a kids triathlon in EIGHT WEEKS!! If you have never directed a race before, that's just bananas!! No sane person would try to do that. I didn't know...and I had MAJOR help from an event planner! She really did all the hard parts and I got to do the fun parts that I love (coming up with ideas!). I got to hover high looking at the big picture while she did a lot of the logistical work to make the race happen (namely figuring out what volunteers we needed and then getting them all to show up!). I have always thought the real credit for putting that together went to her.

Yesterday was the culmination of about 4 months of work. It was the most difficult race I've ever directed. And, so far, it's the race that has taught me the most about myself out of all the races I've directed.

Back in maybe January my friend Daisy (not here real name because I try not to use real names in my blog) asked me to direct a little 5K. This race is put on by the Huntsville Inner City Learning Center.

I was exhausted from directing the Rocket City Marathon with my husband (!!did I tell you that we direct that now !!) but enough time had passed that the full weight of the responsibility had dissipated a bit. I was also in the beginning phases of trying to put together a training program for the non-profit I started the year before (!! did you know that? I started a kids triathlon non-profit called Omni Kids Tri! I'm the "executive director" and "coach" !!).

Here's the thing...I had been wanting to meet the director of an organization called the Huntsville Inner City Learning Center for quite some time. I had wanted to see if we (Omni) could scoop up some of their kids to scholarship into our program.

Side note: Omni's mission, simply put, is to enrich lives through triathlon. It's not about swimming, biking and running...that's just the avenue we use to enrich the lives of the children in our program, the coaches, mentors and volunteers that help us, and their families. A big component in our program is to make triathlon financially accessible to ALL kids.

As the Omni board and I had been trying to figure out where we would get our scholarshipped kids the Learning Center kept popping up in my mind. I had a friend who had told me she would facilitate a  meeting with the HICLC director but that had not happened when my other friend reached out to me about directing this race. My first, internal, reaction was just NO. NO MORE RACES. At the time the races on my calendar to direct were:

• 5 Splash and Dash races every week in the month of May (but those were supposed to be really small)
• The AL State Games Youth Triathlon on June 8th
• Beaver Shark Tri (a brand new kids triathlon in another town close by) on July 13*
• Kids Fly Tri on August 17th
• TRIblossomwood on August 24th
• Rocket City Marathon on December 14th

I am NOT a professional race director. Let me be clear...I am basically a volunteer. I do NOT get paid as the ED of the non-profit. I started it. I don't want to get paid. I want to get kids excited about triathlon (and only because I know how much they can learn about themselves and how much this sport can enrich their lives...and for a child who might not have a stable home environment, I believe triathlon can be a conduit to a better life). I only direct the kids triathlons that I do so that kids will have races to train for and participate in. I have NEVER done any of it to make money. And Dwayne and I volunteer as RDs for the marathon because he thought it would be fun! (HA...I think going on vacation is fun). I quit coaching adults (the job I used to make money to pay for my kids programs) because I simply didn't have time. The plan was to transfer the money generating responsibilities over to the non-profit so that I would have more time to devote to inspiring kids to learn about life through this sport that I love. Directing one more race didn't fall in line with that plan.

But...my friend asked me to just hear her out so I did. I had heard about this race (the Give it Back Track 5K) a long time ago but I didn't fully understand. All I had heard was that the race organizers wanted running buddies for inner city kids running a 5K. But I thought it was going to be on a track and that the kids were going to be super fast because they had been training to do this 5K all year. I had never done this race for those two reasons. I wish I had gotten more information... Daisy told me it's called Give it Back because they raise money for another non-profit organization so they can "give back" to the community that gives so much to them. (I found out later they added "track" only because it rhymes!)

She told me: they didn't care about how much money they raise because the amount wasn't the point, it's a very small race, the course is well established, the permit had been filed last year and then she brought out the big guns....it's for the KIDS.

UGH.

I thought it would be perfect...the race could raise money for MY non-profit. My board would be 100% behind it and help with it. It didn't have to be a money maker it could just be an outreach for us. And it would be a way for me to get to know some of the kids in the Center to draw them into the program I was planning. And...how hard could a little well established 5K be compared to kids triathlons and the MARATHON...

That sounds great, right?

Stay tuned for the next installment of "things don't always pan out the way you expect"... here are some scenes from the next episode:

"The non-profit the kids picked is Graces of Gurley"...

"Did you know there's been like 3 shootings on Binford (a street on the course) in the last 6 months?"

"If one more person says 'that's the way it's always been done' I think I'm going to lose my mind!"

"Seriously...train tracks on the course? Who came up with that? And WHY?"

"What do you mean you didn't make the right awards? That's okay, we'll figure something out..."

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around...

Hang on because we are going on a wild ride together!

Seek and Find

I don't workout because I have to. I don't workout (only) because I want to lose weight. I don't workout so that I can eat more.

I really ENJOY working out. I love running, biking, swimming...and I love strength training.

I've missed it.

Like...A LOT.

A little over two years ago, probably about the time I was waiting for my neurologist appointment (so maybe February 2016), I went with a friend to shop for her daughter's prom dress. She was scouting good places to bring her daughter back to. She had found a couple of dresses that she asked me to hold up so she could take pictures. I could BARELY hold up these dresses! These weren't heavy beaded gowns, they were LIGHT airy chiffon type dresses. And I seriously could hardly hold them up.

Dresses... this was just a few months after completing my second Ironman. I had been working out at Iron Tribe for over a year at that point. I had an 80lb clean PR and a 55lb press PR.



That weight is NOT impressive, but I should not have had an issue holding up chiffon dresses!

I remember that day. I became EXHAUSTED at moving hangers on a rack. It was CRAZY. I had gone from 18 mile very hilly long runs to not being able to run a few miles; from 80lb cleans to becoming exhausted moving hangers on a rack.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...I was ECSTATIC for having jogged a slow 12 (SOLID) minutes in Orangetheory. ((I'm smiling as I type this because it still makes me happy!!))

I have never stopped loving working out, even when my body just couldn't hang. But there have been many times in the last couple of years that I've felt like I'd never be able to really workout again.

Yes, I know I just completed a marathon...I WALKED 90% of it. That takes mental strength, but not physical strength.

And that's what I've kept coming back to...I've gained MENTAL strength in the last two years. I have gone from not really knowing how to grocery shop and cook food* to juggling a lot of different things (well). (*I did know how to shop, but I remember wandering around the grocery store as if I was in a foreign country...I wish I could explain it but I just can't express to you how awful it is to not be able to make your mind engage at will.)

As great as it is to have mental strength, I've missed the physical strength and endurance I used to enjoy. I've worried at times that I might not ever get back to feeling truly (physically) strong. But in the last several months I've seen myself getting stronger!!

And then I feel myself appear to lose it all....

I started working out at Huntsville Adventure Boot Camp last fall. I LOVE Joe Martin (boot camp king). And I really loved going to boot camp. At the start of the year I was trying to go 5 days a week...two of those days after teach Spin. I had also added running and swimming back in.

Yeah, I know...too much too quick. Blah blah blah...whatever. Knowing something doesn't stop me from doing what I want. :D

Obviously, it didn't last. I backed off swimming and running, and then I gave up teaching Spin on Friday's. And then I backed off every day boot camp...

Then I had to deal with the issue of sleep. Bootcamp was at 5:30am (or evening hours which never work for me). But I had been waking up at 1am and staying awake until like 3:30. Going to that early of a class meant waking up at 4ish so I could take my meds and take care of the dog and cat. When I didn't go to class I could go back to sleep at 3:30 and sleep until 6:30 or 7. That seemed to give me enough sleep, so I gave up going to boot camp.

But I missed working out. I wanted to work out. I needed to work out. I wanted to work out in a a group setting because I know I need a measure of accountability that working out alone just doesn't give me right now. Then I found OTF. It's intense. It's fun. It's one hour. It's VARIED--different every single day using a variety of equipment (treadmills, rowers, weights, medicine balls, TRX, benches, ab dollies...). And they have class times that really work for me. I can sleep in and then go workout. Or just sleep in...

And as I starting working out I saw myself getting stronger....until I didn't.

It's like this terrible roller coaster....up and down. But Dwayne helped me see the other day that there has been a steady progression of getting stronger. It just doesn't feel like it every day. My slides down aren't as fast or as far. And I really do feel like I'm gaining ground a lot of days.

But....why do I do it (run, bike, strength train...I'm not really swimming right now)? Do I do it to see results or do I do it for the love of doing it?

Kids don't play hide and seek because they love finding the child they are seeking. They do it for the love of the game It's fun to be the hider. It's fun to be the seeker. At the same time if the hider is never found or if the seeker never finds...the game has no meaning. It becomes un-fun VERY fast....

Finding strength, finding endurance MATTERS. Having faith that I WILL find it matters more.

Thanks for stoping by and sticking around....

Ready or not, here I come.

((I tried to find a picture that worked for "hide and seek" but the pictures on Google didn't look like what I was going for...some of them were down right creepy! Dwayne said I should include a picture of him because all posts are made better with pictures of him...and I think he's probably right. I love that face!))

That water was REALLY cold!