Falling on Deaf Ears

From THIS website

It's Tuesday and we're to the middle of "hell week" for the e3 Tribe.  Okay...we're 2 days in, it just feels like we're almost half way done.  ((That's how I get through harder workouts.  When I'm about 1/4-1/3 of the way finished I tell myself I'm "almost" 1/2 way...)) 

They call it "hell week" for a reason...it's hard.  And...I love it.  Last night when I went to the pool I didn't honestly think I would make it through the whole workout.  I kept wondering if they would have to close the whole thing down if I suddenly puked.  (I sure hope they would close the pool for something like that, but boy do I NOT want it to be because of ME!)

I'm having to daily remind myself WHY it is I'm doing this thing that is so HARD.  When I don't want to get my butt out the door to do my workout, when I think to myself I might want a rest day, when I feel like I need a little external motivation and can't seem to find any...I tell myself what Coach Eric has said time and time again...stop thinking and start doing.

...I stopped writing at that point and started doing something else...it's now Wednesday night...

Today when I drove to the pool I sat in the parking lot a couple of minutes telling myself, "GO IN AND GET IT DONE!!"  It was nice to remember "Reachdown's" blog post from yesterday, and Katie's post from several days back and to know I'm not alone in this struggle.

I was reading a Runner's world forum the other day...this person had written in asking for some help with motivation to continue training for a marathon.  My answer was basically that your motivation MUST come from within.  No one ever has to convince a crack addict to take a hit off the pipe!!  I particularly liked one guy's answer...don't consider it an option.  He linked a blog post he had written about it called "Do I Deserve a Night Off?"  The take away quote from the post:

There is a part of you that wants you to fail.  There is a part of you that wants you to sit on the couch, have a bowl of ice cream, and neglect all that you know is right.  DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT VOICE.

That is the hag in my head...and that voice is falling on deaf ears.  I can't say I'm fully listening to the cheerleader, but I'm doing my best to give 100% in every workout.  I'm frustrated because usually after the fact I don't think what I thought was 100% during the workout was really 100%...but the thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that things look very different after my heart rate has dropped and I'm drying off from the nice hot shower.  The voice I'm trying to hear is the one that's asking me, "ARE YOU GIVING IT ALL YOU'VE GOT RIGHT NOW??"  ...and then I try to give even more.

From THIS website

Thanks for stopping in...come again soon!
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Promise of Pain Delivered and the Three Erics

I had an email conversation recently with Eric Charette about marathon training.  I was concerned about trying to figure out what pace I needed to be running.  The pace outlined in my plan was slower than what I believed it needed to be, but at the same time, I didn't want to over reach and end up getting injured.  He gave me some good information and then had this to say:

This is going to hurt... I promise you that.  This is going to be difficult.  I promise you that.  But you have it in you to do it.

I lived out his promise on the track yesterday.

I had missed our group workout Wednesday night so I ended up having to do speed work on my own.  It might have been okay except I swam first...on an empty stomach...and it turned into a speed work session also.  See, I have the good fortune of being able to swim with a Master's coach who tells me what to do in the moment so I have no idea what's coming up next.  Yesterday he had me finish the morning with 6 X 100 FAST...I did my best to do my best--I seriously nearly puked in the pool!!  I've never pushed myself THAT hard for THAT long.

After I changed from my swim suit to my running outfit, I started mental negotiations.  "I haven't eaten anything, I should eat then go back out later for the track workout.  I'm EXHAUSTED from the swim...it's okay to skip a speed workout, that's life, right?  If I go ahead and do it, I have an excuse not to push as hard or stop it early.  I don't want to get hurt."

There it was..."hurt"...  I immediately flashed back to Eric's words of wisdom.  He promised it WOULD hurt.  He promised it WOULD be difficult.  But he also told me I had it in me to do it.  (There is a difference between "hurt" and "injured" and I'm learning it's really not okay NOT to push into the pain cave under the guise of injury protection.)

So...THANKS TO ERIC, for making that promise and giving me the same boost so many other great friends have given me in the past (believing I CAN do "it"), I drove straight to the track!!  The workout was supposed to be a mile warm up, 12 X 400 -every other one at a 2:15ish pace, then a mile cool down.  I didn't want to stress out about the pacing so I just decided to give it all I had each time and not look at my watch.  The first time around I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to do it a second time.  After the recover 400... I did in fact do it again, but it felt like it took me a lot longer.   After a second recovery, on my third fast 400, I wasn't sure I was going to make it all the way around.  When I hit about the 250 yard "mark", Eric's words SCREAMED in my head...over and over for 150 yards.

HE PROMISED THIS WAS GOING TO HURT...HE WAS RIGHT!!!

After the third recovery I didn't want to go a fourth time...but I knew I still had 3 more fast 400s left to finish what was on my plan for the day.  About that time words from another Eric (Patterson) rang in my ears...  SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!!  I remembered a post he wrote a long time ago about behaving in accordance with a decision previously made-something that has stuck with me ever since reading it-and I started my fourth fast 400, although after about 200 it felt like I was going to hurl the previous night's dinner (since I had yet to eat breakfast)...or maybe pass out before I made it all the way around the track.

I almost quit then, sure I wasn't even coming close to my target pace goal since I could feel myself slowing.  But, during my fourth recovery I remembered too many quotes from yet another Eric (Doehrman) to list.  So on my fourth and fifth fast 400s I thought something about giving less than 100% in training means not being able to give 100% in a race...good athletes train even when they don't feel like it...the need for being comfortable in the PAIN CAVE...and (even though I was on a flat track, for some reason I could hear Eric D. saying:) "WE LOVE HILLS--THEY MAKE US STRONG!!!  (During the 5th recovery all I could think was BREATH, don't puke...)

As I started my sixth and final fast 400...all three Eric's were running along side of me (at what amounts to a jogging pace for them)...yelling at me.  In a good way.  In an encouraging way.  In an inspiring way.  They were all telling me to embrace the pain and KEEP RUNNING!! PUSH!!!  FASTER!!!  JUST A FEW MORE SECONDS!!!

As I jogged/walked my final recovery 400, and then ran/jogged my mile cool down, I looked at my times.

1:38 (6:34 pace)
1:41 (6:46 pace)
1:44 (6:58 pace)
1:46 (7:06 pace)
1:47 (7:10 pace)
1:42 (6:50 pace)

I like how even though the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th intervals did get progressively slower...I was able to speed up for the last one (with the help of the three Eric's yelling at me all along the way!!).

I know those are not fast times for most people...but I think for most 42 year old women who have been running less than 2 years, that's not too stinking bad!!!  

Eric was right.

Thanks for stopping in.  Come again soon!

Cotton Row 10K--Yo!! I did it!!

Thankfully before sitting down to write this post...I read THIS BLOG.  Reading that post changes what I was going to say about the 10K race I ran yesterday.  Well...I should say what I was going to say about the effort I gave running.

Let me start with saying what I'm about to write will be a little like writing in a foreign language for me.  I'm going to attempt to write in a way I'm not used to.  Instead of telling all the things I should have done, the things I didn't do, the things I want to do for next time...I want to focus on what I did RIGHT.  It's going to be hard for me.  Although I believe I'm a pretty optimistic person...I am that way when it comes to other people, not myself.  I can tell anyone they did a GREAT JOB, except myself.  That changes today.

I did a GREAT JOB!!

I set out 12 weeks ago to finish a 10K, and I did it.  There were some goals I had to let go of along the way, but I finished the race.  There was a point in there that I wasn't so sure I would, but I kept going and I did it.

PRE-RACE

I resisted the urge to blog about how nervous I was.  Instead, I had a party for my training group the Saturday before the race.  I thought focusing on a party instead of the run would help, and it did!  I cooked some pasta and some sauce, and the people who came brought salad and bread and dessert.  It was a lot of fun. 

The day before the race  I worked the packet pick up.  Man, let me just say...THANK YOU to all the volunteers who help to put this race on.  WOW.  I'm amazed at the number of people it took.  I had no idea just how big this race was going to be.  The Races for the Cure I've done in the past were big...but I never really stopped to think about the people who put the event together.  I just took it all for granted.  I paid my entry fee, showed up, and had a great time.  But, the man-power it takes and the countless hours the race director has to put in to bring it all together blow me away.  "Thank you" just doesn't seem enough to cut it.  (This picture is only 1/3 of the expo room--all those people behind the tables-volunteers!)

Anyway, having not run for 10 days, and the fact the last two times I tried to run were so painful, filled me with more than just a little trepidation.  I considered switching from the 10K to the 5K, but I figured I'd come this far, I might as well go all the way and stick with the original plan.  I got a decent night's sleep...I drank a protein shake for breakfast...took some drugs (anti-inflammatories and Tylenol)...got all my stuff together...and set out for the race.

RACE

I pretty much held my breath until I took the first step of my warm up.  I had no idea what to expect....and I got something I would have never guessed.  My left leg, the one that's been hurting all along, was PERFECTLY FINE!!!!  But...(isn't there always a "but"?), my right leg was hurting.  I think it was just tight from not running so long.  It didn't kill me, but it didn't feel good.  I joked with my coach that I hadn't learned how to limp the other way so I should be fine!  After a slow and easy 1/2 mile warm up, the gun sounded and we were off.

I had planned on trying to stay with a pacer who was running 12:00, but I was going to be fine going slower.  (After getting the MRI results, my goal had dwindled down from "run the whole way no matter how fast/slow" to "FINISH".)  I was so excited to be running again, I had to pull out my phone and snap a picture!!  It's not very good, because I was trying to maintain my pace and not let myself get run over!!  You might not be able to tell, but there were about 1500 people in front of me and maybe 600 behind!!

My husband told me he was going to be around the 1 mile mark, so I was searching for him pretty hard, but he wasn't there.  He found a way to get to the end of mile two--which was MUCH better!  This starts the hardest part of this course for me.  There's a little hill, and then about a mile long incline to the "real" hill at the very end of mile three.  His smiling face, and words of encouragement kept me going at that point, although I took a little walk break going up the little hill and then again at the water station.

I walked the hill to the sound of the theme from Rocky, "Gonna Fly Now", thanks to a gracious home-owner who apparently plays it every year!!  (That's AWESOME, I loved it!!  It kept me moving, albeit slowly, unlike some people I saw stopping on the way up.)  When I got to the top I really did want to quit.  I'd like to say my leg hurt, but it didn't at that point, I was just over the excitement.  I knew I wasn't going to do well by my standards.  I had already walked before the hill...I didn't feel like I could keep going.  And then I remembered---it's "all" down hill from there. That worked, and gave me the best running of the day (average pace of 11:30, best 7:57).  

Even after that great mile, when I got to the end of mile five, I seriously considered trying to find a side street to slink down.  But....as if he could read my mind...just as I was about to cry, my darling husband showed up again. 

I had fallen a little behind my running partners for the day and one of them called my name.  I managed to say "I'm here" as I was looking around for my escape route.   She said, "no, LOOK!"...and there he was, smiling ear to ear.  He told me I was doing great and that he was so proud of me.  He told me there was just a little more than one mile to go.  Just when I didn't think I could do it, he told me I could!!

That infusion of love and support carried me through to mile 6....when the finish line was in sight, sort of.  There were 2 banners--the first was just a little tease.  I had decided before the race that I would sprint from the first to the second (the real finish line)...but when the first one was in sight, the second wasn't.  Drained and done, I attempted to renegotiate my goal with myself.  And...then I saw him AGAIN!!!  My loving husband decided to show up short of the finish to cheer me in!!  And, it worked!!  I started sprinting at the first banner.  I gave it all I had.  There was a "photo line" that was just shy of the finish...and I made it there full on (my picture probably looks horrid because I was about to lose my protein shake at that point....)  I pulled up on the pace and heard what I later found out was my daughter yell, "FINISH STRONG!!!" enabling me to take the final two or three steps to the finish mat for a final time of 1:18:23.  ((My final sprint pace?? 5:37!!!))

Thankfully I remembered to keep moving through the chute, turned the corner, and .... surprisingly enough did NOT toss my cookies.  I did, however, forget to stop my Garmin so my numbers were just a little off.

POST RACE

I was feeling like poo, beating myself up, thinking of all the things I didn't do...until I read THIS BLOG.  Honestly, it made me stop and think about what I do.  I'm never happy with myself.  I could tell everyone out there how great they did--and cheer in the final "runner" (who finished with a time of 1:56:50)...and tell every single one of them how GREAT they did---EXCEPT myself.  I won't go into all the thoughts I had against my accomplishment, they are not only unproductive...they are COUNTER productive.  I like to think the whole "this-is-what-you-did-wrong" approach helps...but it doesn't.  I'm not saying it's wrong to look at ways to improve...but not at the price of waiving off what I did right. 

I did it!!  I finished a 10K-my first 10K ever-with an official time of 1:18:23.  I finished 86/100 in my age group and 1920/2048 over all.  I refuse to allow myself to think there's anything at all wrong with that.  I'm NOT lazy.  I'm not pathetic.  I gave all I thought I had to give at the time.  Recognizing the fact that I might have had "more" isn't wrong, it's a tool I will use next time.  It's the same thing I found out at the Cookie Dash when I managed to pull out a sprint at the end when I thought I was giving all I had.  It's the same tool I used at the end of this race when I sprinted in.  I didn't think I had it in me, but (with help from some well-placed "cheerleaders") I found just a little more.

I'm proud of what I did.  Yes, I want to run faster next time...I want to run the whole way next time...I want to be able to run further.  But, I am really happy with yesterday's results.

Yo, Self, I did it!!!



WHAT'S NEXT

Okay, I'm taking the required six weeks off.  My left leg is SCREAMING at me today.  It's definitely bone.  My muscles speak a decidedly different dialect than the bones do.  I'm listening.  Even after getting a trail run invite from a precious person I never thought I'd have the chance to run with...I'm sticking with the recovery plan.  I can think of thousands of reasons to keep going, but the one reason to stop outweighs all of them--I want to heal.

Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!
:D

Yes, I AM a Runner...(but today I'm a whining runner!!)

I had a follow up visit to the orthopaedic doctor scheduled for the second week in May.  I called to postpone it because I'm signed up to run a 10k on Memorial Day (Cotton Row) and I'm worried the doctor is going to tell me not to run for a while!  My husband said that decision most certainly "earned" me the label "runner".  Then I read this:

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run." --John Bingham

Okay...I AM a runner....At the same time, I'm currently debating whether or not to run a 10k all my running buddies have signed up for in a couple of weeks.

I signed up for an 8k that will be held this weekend just a few days before my calf pain ramped up to an all-time high (when I was worried I might have a stress fracture).  (That was the same day I signed up for the recent 5k I ran as well as the Cotton Row 10k--I was on a roll with registration that day!)

I had decided then I wouldn't do the 10k in question, because I didn't think I'd be ready for it...but as it turns out, my running group's plan calls for 6.5 miles that day anyway....not only that, the course is almost COMPLETELY flat.  And, "everyone" says they are going to take it slow and easy.  To make it even harder to resist...the race route will be loaded with bands playing live music!!  (It's called Music Moves Me.)  The down side--it's $25 (which I hear isn't much for a 10k in most cities, but it seems to be more than most races in this area)....AND, I'm just not sure my leg is up for it.

I ran 5 miles the other day with a couple of the girls from my group, and my neighbor (who, by the way, just donated one of her kidneys, to a non-relative, less than 5 months ago!!) and I could barely walk the next day.  (Well, I guess I could walk since I went and did Body Pump and upped my weights...)  We're set to do hills tonight and I'm scared to death!


Okay, okay....enough whining.  Yes, "reachdown", I can hear you saying, "Suck it up, Buttercup!!"  (Thanks for putting that in my head!!  You should totally be a coach, your words seems to stick with me for some reason!)  For you long time readers, he's also the one who said, "It's all in your head, until you pass out..then it's in your body!"

Interestingly enough, my kidney-donating neighbor told me she had read about a study where they had people read words like "slow" and "sick" or "fast" and "speedy".....then they did timed walks.  The ones who read the "slow" words walked slower.  So maybe the idea that I can't hack it really is all (or mostly) all in my head.  I hope that's the case because I'm certainly trying to convince my body that's the truth!!

Look out HILLS, here I come!!!


((By the way, if the good doctor's wife happens to read this...I'd appreciate it if you'd just keep my secret safe until after Cotton Row is over.  I'll confess at my appointment...IF it's even still needed by then-how's that for positive thinking??!!))

Thanks for stopping in, come again soon!
:D

Ten

I've been reading another runner's training blog.  His profile name is "reachdown".  Interesting, because about a year and a half ago he started training for the Rocket City Marathon.  He says that he used to hate to run, but recently completed the Mountain Mist 50K.  Yes, 50K, that's 31 miles--on mountain trails, in January.  Obviously he doesn't hate running anymore!  That is something I can completely understand (the not hating running anymore, NOT the running a 50K race on mountain trails in January!).

I'm sure I'll say it too much, but I'm loving running.  I keep saying it because it still surprises me.  However, there are times I wonder if I'll really be able to do it....get up and run tomorrow, train all year, finish a 26+ mile race with a six hour time limit (that's an average of 4 miles per hour).

I read something on reachdown's blog the other day (pertaining to this state of questioning) that I really loved ... 

You don't decide daily to workout. The decision must already be made before the alarm chimes at dark:30 AM. You make the decision once and then just behave according to the decision you've made.

Last night, as I was getting ready for today's run, I was thinking I felt a little sore and the questioning internal dialogue started up again...and I remembered that quote.  So, this morning I didn't give it a second thought, I got up at dark:30 and went out even though weather.com said it was 35 ("feels like 27")...and had the best RULK (...my word for more run than walk--not including my warm up and cool down).  I ran 8.5 and walked 6.5 of that middle 15 minutes.  YEA ME!!!

Let me just tell you, it felt GREAT!!  My recovery times are getting shorter and shorter, and I'm able to run longer and longer....now, I'm saying all that knowing it won't sound like much to "real" runners...but I'm committed to staying on my turtle pace program so I can "go the distance".

My average speed stayed the same (4.4), which I don't quite understand...if I'm running more with shorter recovery times, shouldn't my average speed increase (thereby increasing my distance)?  I'm going to have to do some hard data analysis to figure out what's going on there...but, for now, I'm just THRILLED to have made the progress that I have.

I'm behaving in accordance to the decision I've already made with my running...just like I've done in my marriage.  THAT story is a topic for my 100 Words blog, for another day.

Thanks for stopping by, come back soon!
:D