Pain in the...Stomach

I was in third grade. I had such terrible stomach pain my mom took me to the doctor. He put me on a special diet. I remember having to take my lunch to school because I couldn't eat a lot of what they served in the cafeteria.

Fast forward many years. I was a newlywed (the first marriage). I was having HORRIBLE stomach issues. I went to several different doctors and had all kinds of tests done that all found nothing. I was given several medications to take, one of which caused me to have what I now recognize was a SEVERE panic attack. (At the time I thought I was having a heart attack.) I had resigned myself to having these terrible stomach issues until I had a chance encounter with a wonderful doctor who took the time to really talk to me.

I had gone with my husband to one of his doctor appointments. While there I mentioned my stomach pain (to my husband not the doctor). The doctor turned his attention to me and started asking me questions. Embarrassed I explained that I had already been given numerous tests that were all negative and I had been on various medications that didn't help. I was confident it was just going to be a fact of life for me that I had to get used to.

This sweet man asked me what my stress level was like. I laughed and told him I didn't get stressed. At. All. ...ever... He smiled knowingly and asked me to describe my life to him.

"Well, I am 21 years old. I'm in the Army National Guard; in Officer Candidate School. I just got married a few months ago and we moved into an apartment. I go to school full time with a Criminal Justice major with plans to go to Law School when I graduate. I also work full time."

I did not mention the traumatically horrible childhood I had just come out of.

from Precision Nutrition

He sat me down and explained to me that my inability to recognize all the stress I was under was causing it to manifest as stomach pain. I remember being utterly confused. I didn't FEEL stressed. At. All. ...ever. So how was I going to be able to recognize it and deal with it in a healthy way? He said one of the first steps I needed to take was to just look at my life and say "this is a stressful life".

But that felt like a failure to me. That felt like it would be a surrender to weakness. I saw myself as capable of handling anything life had to throw at me. And to handle it WELL. To say/think it was "stressful" might imply I couldn't handle it. I remember him holding an apple. He said something like "you being unwilling to call this an apple doesn't change the fact it's an apple". So I questioned him about what to do with that so-called stress since it wasn't going to change any time soon. He said the simple act of acknowledging it was a good first step. A good second step was to find a healthy outlet to relieve stress.

That second step has been an ongoing mission of mine for almost 30 years!

Everything I've EVER done to "relieve stress" has had the opportunity to become an additional stress.

Meditation...am I doing it right? What am I not doing that I should be doing right now? Why can't I stop thinking for just 15 minutes? Okay, 10 minutes? Even just ONE solid minute? What is that noise? Oh, great...now my nose is itching. (or my personal favorite) ...well, I just wasted X amount of time because I fell asleep! I didn't meditate AND I didn't get anything done!


Exercise...pushing myself to do more, do it better, track my progress, beat myself up

Reading...I don't think it counts as a stress reliever if you are reading a "self-help" book with the goal of improving your life. And it's not a stress reliever if you are simply escaping from life to avoid all the stress you are under.

Sleep...I KNOW I need sleep but I simply can't sleep so I will lay here telling myself it's time to go to sleep for hours if that's what it takes. Or rather than having good "sleep hygiene" I would "work" right up until I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer, and set my alarm for super early so I could get a head start on the day.

Movies, alcohol, food...(see above)

So, how does a person recognize stress and find healthy outlets?

I believe part of the answer for me is grace. Grace to not be perfect. Grace to not optimize every minute of every day. Grace to be less than what I "could be". Grace to say NO to things that I might really love to do, things that I might be able to be really good at. Grace to have margin in my life. Grace to not have all the answers. Grace to take some time out. Grace to be NOT have an end goal in mind with everything I tackle.

For some people it might mean cutting some things out of their life; toxic relationships, unsatisfying projects, self-harming actions (chronic over eating, chronic exercise, alcohol, various escape methods.

For some people it might mean adding some things in to their life: exercise, satisfying projects, healthy food, little breaks with seemingly frivolous "time sucks" that bring enjoyment.


The bottom line is that stress is a killer. Not acknowledging that killer doesn't make it any less deadly. In fact, I would argue that makes it more deadly.  But just recognizing and naming it doesn't change it.

What do you do to combat stress in your life? Tell it like it is in the comments below and
Make it a GREAT day!!