See-Saw on a Cliff

When a person is training for a tough event (any event that is tough for that person...it might be walking a mile without stopping...whatever is outside what the can currently do)...the usual way to train is to "overreach" and then recover, reaching just a bit further each time until the goal is met.

But, when that person has an autoimmune issue (or maybe some other chronic condition they are working around), that person has to be careful not to go too far in the "overreach" phase of training. Because going too far can set off a flare (or reoccurrence of the injury).

My friend "Daisy" has an autoimmune condition that had been fairly stable for long enough she decided to train for a local 13.1 race recently. She asked me for my thoughts. I told her she was going to need to adjust her expectations for her performance and she was going to have to be diligent in listening to her body. She worked her way up to a 10 mile long run and the wheels fell completely off. She went into one of the worst flares she's experienced. She THOUGHT she was listening to her body...and...she didn't hear the flare coming.

She is understandably VERY concerned about me training for IMChoo.

I have been feeling pretty strong lately.

BUT

My data is giving me a very different picture than my feelings. My data is telling me I have to slow down.

this is what it should look like

Here's the thing...training effect builds up over time. It's cumulative. Fatigue is cumulative. Fitness is cumulative. The "trick" is to slowly build fitness without going too high with fatigue. Usually you want to have 2-4 building weeks and then a recovery week. Within the week you want to have building and recovery cycles as well. It's like a seesaw. But for someone with an autoimmune condition it's more like being on a seesaw with one side hanging over a cliff!

The truth is I really do not precisely know what caused my brain disease. The most likely answer is that in the summer of 2015 I was coaching about 12 adult athletes, I had about a team of about 20ish kids, I directed a kids triathlon and I was training pretty hard for IMChoo. I raced hard in September and then I let my diet fall completely apart. I think the embers were smoldering with the overload from all the mental, emotional, and physical stress I was under and my post-race diet lit a match. The doctors say there's just no way to know what caused it to happen, and, unfortunately, no way to know if it will happen again.

Sometimes I think I'm overly afraid. I haven't had a (lasting) flare in over 2 years. I honestly give most credit Juice Plus. Getting the nutrition from 30 fruits and veggies every day does wonders for the body! I'm also very careful with stress these days. Contrary to what many people think, I work hard to NOT work too hard. I'm aware I workout more than the average American. But we all know the average American doesn't workout at all...when you factor in the fact that I'm pretty darn close to being a menopausal woman that number goes down even more. 

I try to do all the right things... I don't typically have ANY caffeine, but "never" after noon. I try to eat "right" most of the time. I workout what I feel is an appropriate amount*. I drink about a half gallon of water every day. The one thing I really NEED to get better on is my sleep hygiene. I have this little routine that I NEED to change. We have been watching TV until about 8 or 8:30, then I get ready for bed, and play 5 games on my phone in bed before I shut it down and fall asleep. It's such an OCD routine that when I've tried to change it I lay awake for over an hour almost feeling anxious becuase I haven't done the routine! That NEEDS to change. I think the main reason I haven't worked harder to change it is because I don't believe it will make a difference in my sleep quality. But I won't know unless I try.

*Let's come back to what I consider to be an "appropriate amount" of working out.

If I'm 100% honest, maybe I workout "too much"...but this is where it gets tough. I only feel that way when I compare myself to those around me. But I am training FAR LESS than I "should" be at this point in time with IMChoo coming up in September. I "should" be swimming (I'm not swimming right now because there's a theory that chlorine impacts the thyroid and I KNOW my thyroid is low right now), I should be running a lot more (I'm not because that's the hardest type of workout for me to recover from), and I should be riding my actual bike more (I don't because my husband is TERRIFIED for me to ride on the roads, and I'm exhausted in the evening so I don't want to go back out to ride on the Arsenal, and I HATE the trainer...and it's hard to put that bike on and off the trainer so I can ride on the weekend).

Right now my week looks like this:

Monday: Spin, Hotworx, Teach Aqua Fitness (it's a bit like a step aerobics class for me)

Tuesday: Strength training, hotworx (next week I'm adding in a run before strength)

Wednesday: Aqua Fitness, Spin, Spin

Thursday: Strength training, hotworx (next week I'm adding in a run before strength)

Friday: Aqua Fitness, Hotworx (this is usually my easiest day)

Saturday: Long ride or run

Sunday: Long ride or run

But any day I feel like I need it I back off and skip something.  I hardly went to Hotworx at all this week and tomorrow will be a rest day because Monday is my fourteenth straight year to run the Cotton Row 10K!!

The thing about being on a see-saw on the edge of a cliff is to make darn sure what you're balancing with on the other side is just exactly the right amount! I certainly don't want to fall off into the abyss...but I also don't want to miss out on doing what I love...I don't want to be so afraid of what might happen that I miss out on what is possible. 

Thanks for sticking around. I'm excited to see what will happen next!

Three Weeks

My first day at Iron Tribe this year was Jan 3rd. Dwayne and I had planned a vacation from the 8th to the 14th so I knew I would have to either skip workout or do them on my own somehow. I got "lucky" because the local YMCA where we went had an EXCELLENT gym that had pretty much all the equipment I needed for workout 1. (Side note: I go two days a week and have had 2 different workouts that have progressed each week in difficulty.) I planned to do workout 2 at home.

Week one I was super sore so I was nervous to do week two while on vacation! But I knew what I had to do...and I was super proud that I did it. I really intended to swim while we were gone too, but the pool was outdoors and it was too cold for me in the mornings...and we were there for VACATION so going in the afternoon was HIGHLY inconvenient!

I did (most of) workout 2 at home...there was one thing I didn't have the right equipment for.....

When I went back this week I noticed improvement! YAY! But of course that means Coach Ken will have all new workouts for me next week.

This week I also got back in the pool....I won't declare victory yet since it's only been once. I'm actually truly HATING to swim now. I feel AM SO SLOW. Slower than I have ever been. And I don't fully understand why. Yes, being out of the water is huge...but I can't help but think there's more to it than just that. I'm really hoping strength training and consistent pool time will turn the barge around!

I also ran TWICE this week. Well, walk-ran. Now I need to work in getting back on the trainer and I'll be in full on Ironman training mode! 

I'm seriously looking forward to long training. When I was training for IMChoo I would go teach spin at the Y at 5:30am and then get on my bike from the Y after class. I would ride 6-8 hours for my longest rides. I absolutely LOVED it. I had a couple of gas stations I would stop at to get refills on water and buy a snack but mostly I carried everything I needed. (And, no, I didn't listen to anything other than my own thoughts.) Then the next day I'd go out for my long runs, usually with Dwayne. He picked the hilliest routes he could find and then force me to keep running with NO WALK BREAKS. It was just the best time! I miss it and I'm just so glad to be working toward being able to do that again.

And, yes, I'm aware that kind of thinking is not "normal"....unless you are within the Ironman/endurance athlete bubble. I'm excited to be moving back toward that bubble.

I just have to ALSO make sure I'm actively recovering in addition to actively training!

34 weeks and counting until RACE DAY!

New Year, Same Me...but not for long

 I signed up for IM Choo 23 and decided I would TRAIN for it... and then all my excuses started popping up...I'm SO BUSY. I'm SCARED of a brain disease relapse (this doesn't feel like an excuse, this feels VERY real), I'm SORE, I need to focus on teaching and coaching and race directing...the list goes on...

I basically stopped training the week before Thanksgiving....Okay, if I'm being really honest, I wasn't really training before then either. I was doing good to get 2 swims in a week, no running and the only biking has been when I teach Spin. But I did start going to Hotworx...and I LOVE it. REALLY LOVE IT!

But Hotworx doesn't really get me to the start line of IMChoo ready and prepared.

Then after the marathon was over (the one Dwayne and I direct) I got sick for a week. And then there was Christmas and New Years....

I kept telling myself I have plenty of time to get started. The race is in September. But I KNOW I NEED to at least be swimming. But swimming is SO FREAKING HARD. 

Then Blair told me about an Iron Tribe Prime program for triathletes he wanted to test out with me as one of his guinea pigs. The idea terrified me but I agreed, with the plan to start the first week in January.

In case you missed it...that was this week. (Insert picture of me at Iron Tribe on Tuesday)

Yes, I did start the program. Yes, it is "hard"...but somehow also (ridiculously) simple sounding on paper.

I "know" in my coach brain that swimming is the perfect adjunct to strength training, but my athlete brain said "NO WAY" this week.

And then I got a message from Coach Tom. I knew it was coming I just didn't know when. It's like when you are watching a scary movie and you KNOW the monster is going to jump out any second...but it doesn't so you exhale and relax...and then BAM there it is!

He called me out. 

He did it gently. And he was right to do it...but I won't lie...I called him some names in the last 24 hours. (Insert the pictures of me telling Dwayne that thanks to stupid Tom I'm going to swim today)

But I also got my butt to the pool this morning for an unplanned swim that I needed. (Insert photo of me telling Tom I hate him)

It SUCKED.

We are going out of town next week....so I got on GoogleMaps and MIRACULOUSLY found a YMCA with like the most amazing pool of any YMCA EVER just FIVE MINUTES from our hotel. 

FIVE MINUTES.

That sucks. It means there's no excuse for me to not swim this week.

UGH.

This morning was funny...I did NOT want to get in the water. I did NOT want to swim. But when I started my music, song number one was "I'm Ready". I had to laugh. Then about the time I started thinking "I'm going to die right here in the pool"..."I Will Survive" came on. Then about the time I started thinking "This whole thing is dumb. I'm old and I've already done two full IMs...why do I care about doing another one?" the song that will forever be my IMLT13 song, "Anything Can Happen" came on. That song was playing the first moment I stepped into Lake Tahoe's Ironman village. I found myself in awe of how far I had come to get there. There's a part of the song that says "I'll give you everything you need but I don't think I need you"...that part always makes me think of my excuses and inner critic. I give them fuel. I give them life. I give them space in my head....but I do NOT NEED THEM. They are like cement blocks on my feet pulling me into the depths of agony and doubt. The end of the song has this part that says "I know it's going to be" several times then "OVER...but I don't think I need you". When I hear this song during a training session I always imagine the finish line. The training and the race will be over...it will come to an end one way or another.... and I think to myself "I don't need that critical voice, or the excuses I make, to get there". 

But they just keep coming. 

My why: I am strong. I "believe" there's a strong athlete inside of me. I believe she has always been there. But she was never given space when I was a kid. She was squashed under doubt and fear, and some circumstances out of my control that I won't go into here. I hit young adulthood believing I was simply incapable. But God kept telling me I am strong because He made me strong. Strong-minded, strong-willed AND strong in body. But to live out that strength really does take work. It takes commitment. It takes consistency and effort.

I'm telling you--whoever may read this--I am committing to training this year. I'm committing to putting in the honest work. I'm committed to listening to my body with a very honest ear.

I can't promise that fears won't win the battle every now and then. I can't promise that the critical voice will be squashed (it sure as heck wasn't today after my swim today....Dwayne had to hear the self-hatred spewing out of my mouth like old faithful, and he did his very best to cap the geyser). But I can promise that I will face these challenges head-on and I will keep moving forward.

That is Ironman mentality. 

But, there is a BIG difference between "finishing" and "competing" an Ironman. 

I intend to compete. Against myself. Against my excuses. Against my self-critic (the hag in my head that lives like a non-rent-paying squatting bed of roaches!). I will run the race so as to win the prize.

Because God made gives me strength. Every. Single. Day.

I hope anyone who reads this will be willing to keep me accountable. Feel free to ask me how training is going. Feel free to ask me if I'm honestly listening to my body or if I'm listening to the excuses or the self-critic.

It's going to be an interesting year.