Can I Really Do This?

Four weeks (and one day) ago (January 16th) I "ran" the Louisiana Half Marathon. In the 13 weeks leading up to that half marathon I ran a total of about 42 miles with the longest run being about five miles on Christmas Eve and then it tapered WAY down after that. I was NOT trained (once again) for 13.1 miles, but I figured with a SEVEN HOUR cutoff I could practically crawl the whole thing and still make it to the finish. 

I first saw this race back in 2019. They had a little video ad on Facebook that I clicked on...which of course caused me to see the ad ALL THE TIME! So in 2020 we went to work the expo....just before the whole world fell apart with Covid. I don't remember now why I didn't run that year, but I didn't. I remember I didn't run Mercedes and I "only" "ran" the Little Rock Half that year so my guess is I was even less trained then? This year I decided I wanted to run it since I had heard such great things about the course. Well...a few days before the race weekend they sent out an email about their "challenge"--called the Deja Voodoo...with an AWESOME medal. I resisted the urge to sign up for the 5k the day before the half knowing we would be working the expo all day Friday and Saturday...and knowing I was NOT trained. But at the expo I just couldn't stand it anymore-I signed up to run the 5K so I could get that awesome medal...

Well, the 5K was wonderful! The weather was really nice (it actually got hot toward the end), and I felt GREAT. I "ran" a 37:56 which I was very pleased with given the fact I was on my feet most of Friday and would be on them again all that day and then would "run" a half the next day. All that day I kept watching the weather....it was going to be COLD Sunday. 

I HATE COLD!

On top of being cold, it was going to be about 15mph wind!

I honestly think if I had not signed up for the 5K in order to get the challenge medal I think I would have just skipped it. The medal for the 13.1 was nothing special. I felt like I had seen enough of how they did their race to learn some new things for Rocket City. And, we talked to hundreds of people at the expo. But...that challenge medal. I HAD TO HAVE IT! So Sunday morning, I bundled up and Dwayne drove me down to the start. I lined up toward the back knowing I was going to be slow. When the gun went off we slowly made our way to the actual start and then I started "jogging". I didn't have much of a plan (other than when I would take in fuel). 

There were three main reasons I wanted to run this race. 

1) I heard the course was awesome--it WAS. You run through the University of Louisiana campus, right by Death Valley and the Tiger Cage (he wasn't out-it was too cold), and you run by like forty-seven thousand lakes, and you run through some really nice neighborhoods. It was a nice course.

2) I like to see how other races do things to see if there's anything we can do better. I also like to listen to what I hear people talking about that is important to them. It might sound silly but everyone talks about portapotties---where are they and how long will it be until the next one. We do that VERY well IMO. We have signs telling you when they are coming up, and signs telling you how long before the next one. I also really liked their mile markers. We use flags and giant "stickers" on the ground. LAM uses these huge cardboard signs. I LOVED them so we are going to have to get them for our race. I also really loved their post race food. I didn't like that there were VERY limited choices for gluten-free vegans. I think we have done that fairly well, but we can do even better in the future.

3) I wanted to advertise for RCM. I made a shirt that said "Follow me to the Rocket City Marathon"...and I made a point to talk to anyone who commented, and a lot of people who were just open for a conversation. I saw a good friend of mine out there and had a lovely conversation with her. She is a heart attack survivor and is SO INSPIRING to me. She had a 100% blockage in her LAD (that's the artery they call the "widow maker" because if it's blocked the person usually dies very quickly...but she didn't...she didn't BECAUSE she is a marathoner...and she is 75 years old!!). I also had a lovely conversation with a lady who has run like 600 marathons!! We talked about how I am pushing HARD to have at least a 7 hour cutoff for RCM. In the past we simply didn't have that option, but where there's a will there's a way...

Before I knew it, I was on the home stretch, and just like that I was done 3:05:51. I was super pleased with that time. I could have finished a bit faster, but one of my main goals was to talk to people along the way which I did.

I was signed up to "run" the Mercedes Half just four weeks after LAM. The plan was to run a few times so I would be more ready...but after I got home I came down with a cold (or maybe it was Covid for the 2nd time?). I did "run" a few times...for a total of just over 3 miles. But, with a four-hour cutoff, I knew I would be fine even if I walked the whole thing.

I didn't look at the course (I knew it was hilly) and I didn't look at the weather (I knew it was going to be cold). But when I saw it was going to be below freezing with 10mph winds...once again, I contemplated dropping out.... except that MEDAL is awesome! (It's like a big ole Mercedes hood ornament!)

We worked the expo all day Friday and then went to dinner with our three Birmingham ambassadors/friends that night. We always have such a great time with them I hated to have to go home to get some sleep! But they had a shake out run the next morning, and we had to be at the expo at 8.

We worked the expo most of the day Saturday (we actually ended up leaving about an hour or so early because it trickled down to almost no people walking by. We had an early dinner then watched a movie at our AirBnB and then went to bed.

I woke up a little later than I had planned and put off going to the start until the last minute--it was COLD outside.

I HATE COLD!!!

When I got to the start and found my expected pace spot in the corral it was actually WARM with all the people smushed together. That was NICE. 

It was strange-they didn't really have a gun or a countdown to start the race...being so far in the back, I didn't even really know they had started! But eventually we moved forward and just like that I had crossed the start line and I was jogging. 

The first thing I noticed was a HUGE BOULDER in my shoe! (Okay, it was a tiny rock...okay maybe more like a GIANT grain of sand!) It was noticeable enough I had to stop and clear it out before I could continue on. I thought I heard a friend's voice pass by but I wasn't sure since I was trying to get my shoe back on as fast as possible!

When I started "running" again I met up with four friends from Huntsville! One of them was the gal I ran my very first marathon with in 2011!! They told me they were going to be doing 3/1 intervals and I was welcome to join them. I thought I might be with them a mile at the most and then I was going to have to tell them to leave me...but one mile turned into 2, which turned into 4 then 8 then 13.... It's been a LONG time since I've run that far with anyone. It was MAGICAL!! 

Don't get me wrong-I was TIRED and there were times I was hurting. That is a FREAKISHLY hilly course (not Knoxville hilly, but HILLY). At one point I had to use the bathroom. It felt like MILES AND MILES before I finally saw a potty---but quickly realized it was NOT there for the race. It must have been an abandoned potty that homeless people use...YUCK. A few miles later I saw another one and "sprinted" to it as fast as I could...only to have to wait for a guy to finish up...only to have to wait until a volunteer could fetch me some toilet paper ((NOTE: DO NOT LET THE POTTIES RUN OUT OF PAPER!!)). When I came out I was afraid my posse had left me...but I saw them walking so I ran as hard as I could to catch up to them.

At the very end of the race I was DONE and could no longer hang on to them so I fell way off the last .1 or so. I ended up with a 2:34 finish time!! I was FLOORED with that time!!! No way I could have/would have done that alone!! It reminded me how fun it is to run with people! 

I think more than that it reminded me that I'm stronger than I realize I am.

I have made a decision to actually start training....well...after Cowtown Half (which is 2 weeks from yesterday), and Little Rock Full (which is the very next week)...and after a little bit of recovery.

I can do this!

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!

I Believe, Help My Unbelief

Most of you who know me in person know that I am "in recovery/remission" from Autoimmune Encephalopathy (basically autoimmune brain disease-my body attacked my brain). When I look back I think there were some signs of symptoms for a while before it really blew up in the late fall of 2015.

I was treated with high-dose IV steroids for a little over a year. With autoimmune conditions they don't ever say you're "cured" because there isn't a cure. They treat symptoms. Sometimes that treatment is a burst of treatment until the symptoms are under control and then you just wait for a "flare" to happen (or not). Sometimes people have to stay on immunosuppressants long term to keep their immune system "under control". Either way traditional western medicine doctors pretty much say "we don't know what causes the body to attack itself...let us know when you flare and we'll treat again".

I did not like that answer. Both the disease and the treatment really ravaged my body. I lost tons of hair, I gained A LOT of weight (that I'm still trying to lose), and I lost all my fitness (that I'm still trying to regain).

I dove deep into the world of Functional Nutrition to search for answers. (As deep as my mind and my time allowed.)

One thing that most (if not all) Functional Nutrition Practitioners agree on is that most (if not all) disease starts in the gut. Sure, there is a genetic component and a (HUGE) stress component, but those can be mitigated or inflamed by what we put into our bodies. I believe this wholeheartedly.

And yet...I am STRUGGLING mightily with my diet right now. When I get stressed I just want to eat all the food that I "know" is not best for my body.

But here's the thing--I KNOW it when I stop eating these foods and I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I "know" it when I'm wanting those foods and I decide that maybe I'm wrong and what I think I "know" is really probably not true.

Let me say that again...when I'm not eating gluten, dairy, and sugar and when I am eating a WFPB (whole food plant based) diet I feel SO MUCH BETTER. My mood is good. I'm not anxious. I sleep well. My skin looks good. I have energy. I am more adaptable to change. I think more clearly. My body feels better. I have much better workouts. My resting heart rate is lower. My stomach isn't bloated and distended. I don't have sinus issues, headaches or body/joint aches. I recover faster.

When I am eating gluten, dairy, and sugar my joints get swollen. I suffer from tendonitis. I ache. My anxiety ramps WAY up. I have a hairpin anger trigger. I cuss uncontrollably. I'm EXHAUSTED and I can't sleep. I'm VERY IRRITABLE. My resting heart rate is 10-20 beats higher. I feel sluggish. My workouts suffer (or I don't work out at all). My skin gets super dry. My hair falls out. I have TERRIBLE headaches. My eyesight suffers. Maybe worst of all my brain doesn't function as well. And I'm TERRIFIED I will end up like I was in 2015/2016--with an almost non-functioning brain.

You might be asking "then why would you ever eat gluten, dairy, and sugar"? Uhm...have you TASTED gluten, dairy, and sugar? To be clear, they typically all go hand-in-hand. The absolute WORST thing for me to eat is pizza followed by something sugary, washed down with some kind of alcohol. But when I get stressed out that's exactly what I WANT.

To make it worse my husband LOVES these things and he is all about giving me what I WANT. We have had MANY a discussion over this very topic. I think I'd love nothing more than for him to be a health nut who would say "no, we are not going to get pizza...we are going to roast some yummy veggies instead and then we are going to go for a walk". Instead he says "what do you want" and when I say "pizza" he says "okay". Sometimes when I say "let's get a rotisserie chicken and veggies" he'll say okay, oftentimes he says "okay you can get that, I'm going to get a pizza".

Don't get me wrong...I am NOT blaming him. My desire for these foods is STRONG when I'm stressed. Or maybe when I'm eating these foods I get stressed more easily and that makes me crave these foods more. Either way the outcome is a downward spiral.

If you know me you know I'm always doing something...at least I was pre-covid. In my normal life I direct several kids races through the summer, I train kids and adults in triathlon and running, I train (at least I try to...it's been so long since I really trained I don't know if I can still claim it!), I am constantly learning something, I teach Spin at the Y, I have friends I try to stay connected with, and my husband and I direct the Rocket City Marathon...a race we have been trying to grow so we put A LOT of time and effort into it. Then Covid happened. I know it's been a major disruptor for everyone. Because of Covid the stresses of directing the marathon grew exponentially for a lot of reasons I won't bore you with. But I mention it because the race is in exactly ONE WEEK.

To say my stress level is high is like saying the universe is big. To make matters worse because I'm so busy I end up "forgetting" to eat which then causes me to crave all the worst foods (no one craves broccoli when they are super hungry!). To make things even worse I don't have a ton of time to cook well so we end up "just grabbing something" more often than not (there are no fast food health restaurants).

I think they say the first step in breaking a bad habit (addiction) is to admit there's a problem.

I have a problem.

Before you suggest it, I have actually been to an Overeaters Annonymous meeting (more than one actually) before. And maybe that's right where I belong. I'm not entirely sure. But if so, it's going to be very hard for me to work the steps living with another person who has the same eating habits I'm desperately trying to break. I don't think I would care quite as much if the only issue with eating unhealthy-for-me food is that it makes me gain weight. I think I could live with the extra pounds I have right now. I don't like it, but it's not the main reason I need to change what I'm putting into my body.

Allow me to reiterate: When I'm eating gluten, dairy and sugar my joints get swollen. I suffer from tendonitis. I ache. My anxiety ramps WAY up. I have a hairpin anger trigger. I cuss uncontrollably. I'm EXHAUSTED and I can't sleep. I'm VERY IRRITABLE. My resting heart rate is 10-20 beats higher. I feel sluggish. My workouts suffer (or I don't work out at all). My skin gets super dry. My hair falls out. I have TERRIBLE headaches. My eyesight suffers. Maybe worst of all my brain doesn't function as well. And I'm TERRIFIED I will end up like I was in 2015/2016--with an almost non-functioning brain.

I have decent resolve when I wake up in the morning with a food hangover. But by mid-morning I'm jonesing for pancakes and chocolate milk! (And I ain't talking about gluten free pancakes with fruit and chocolate almond milk!)

My husband and I have talked about "cleaning up our diet" after the race is over...but, well, that's just before Christmas so that's not the best time to give up all the yummy food we WANT, so we'll do it after the first of the year. But my whole thing is WHY WAIT? Why not now?

And, to be clear, for me it's not about "all things in moderation". It's really not. Even a little bit sets me off. I think it's very much like an alcoholic who simply can NOT drink even a drop. The difference is I still have to eat food to live. And it's really NOT easy to not eat gluten, dairy and sugar.

But somehow I have to.

Starting TODAY. This day. Right now.

I just have to make it happen. I truly WANT to feel better more than I WANT to eat gluten, dairy and sugar. At least that's how I feel in this moment.

It usually takes about 36 hours for me to start physically feeling better, and about 30 days for the cravings to subside and for my mindset to change. The hardest part will be the next 8 days. But I'm writing this and will make it public so that I can officially put my stake in the ground.

Several years ago my nephew, who I barely knew, overdosed on drugs and died. He used that night with his brother who lived. My other nephew, who I barely know, fought addiction for several more years but he has now turned his life around. I want to turn my life around.

I know it sounds like I'm being melodramatic but I'm really not...people with AE can have seizures, go into a coma and die. And I have been having flares lately. My hand shakes, my head shakes, I'm having some issues with thought processing, my anxiety has been off the charts, my head is pounding most of the time, my eyesight has been really bad, I have had terrible insomnia...these were all precursors to not being able to find my way out of my car and getting lost at the YMCA I had been going to for 5 years at the time. You might think I would have "turned my life around" when I was at that low point.

I started to say I didn't know it was my diet that caused the trouble. That would be a lie. I did "know" I just didn't KNOW. I didn't accept it. I didn't live it every day even when it was hard.

Most people can enjoy alcohol...true alcoholics can't.

Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others. Some are hidden; some are more outward-facing.

According to this article the five characteristics of addictive behavior are:

• An inability to stop
• Changes in mood, appetite, and sleep
• Continuing despite negative consequences
• Denial
• Engaging in risky behaviors
• Feeling preoccupied with the substance or behavior

I think those all fit. I don't think the Overeaters Anonymous definition fits. Just like everything else, I don't think I fit neatly into a mold. But I know I need to break the one I'm in.

Thanks for stopping by and sticking around.

I am a Boston Marathoner

 I have put off writing about my last "event" for a couple of reasons. First of all after I finished it I've been either crazy busy or sick. But more than that I've had a very hard time "processing" all that went into completing the event and all the emotions it stirred up for me.

I should have put a spoiler alert before the title...in case you didn't guess it, the last event I completed was the (Virtual) Boston Marathon.

Back in April I found out the Boston Marathon was going to have a hybrid event this year (part virtual and part in person). They were opening up registration to ANYONE for the virtual event so I decided I wanted to register!

Let me back up just a half-step. I'm guessing everyone knows Boston Marathon is a race that you either have to qualify for with a VERY fast time at a qualifying marathon, or you have to be a fundraiser to get one of the few "charity" slots. But this year I was going to be able to get a coveted unicorn medal by completing the marathon distance on Boston Marathon weekend and submitting my time.

I conned convinced a friend to register with me and then, because she and I both love to travel we decided it would be super cool to run our virtual race ON the actual course! I reached out to a friend of ours who is one of the key coordinators for the marathon and asked if running on the course was even possible. He not only said yes, but he also offered one "non-qualifying" slot for the race. Since I had conned convinced my friend to register for the virtual I graciously let Dwayne take advantage of the actual race entry. And then we starting making our plans to go to Boston!

The following month I (shockingly) completed IMChoo 70.3. (Side note: I just realized that I never completed my in depth race recap but instead stopped with the bike portion of the race...I'll have to go back to that at some point but the reason I didn't complete that recap is similar to why I've had such a hard time completing this one...)

After registering for the Virtual Boston Marathon, I joined a FaceBook group with other virtual participants and quickly realized I was in the minority regarding one fairly big "issue". 

I was unwilling to call myself a Boston Marathoner in any way. I wasn't going to say "I'm training to run the Boston Marathon". I also wouldn't buy any Boston Marathon gear, and certainly not a "celebration jacket". While others were excited to be participating in the "Boston Marathon" I refused to see it from that perspective. I was simply participating in a virtual marathon...granted I was going to run the actual course, but it still was NOT the same thing.

Boston IS exclusive. It's not a lottery system where you just apply to get a slot and they randomly draw names. You have to QUALIFY. And, in the last several years, just running a "qualifying time" hasn't been good enough to get a slot. Let's say they are letting in 50K runners to the event. They will open registration first for runners who bested their qualifying time by say 10 minutes. Then they will open if for runners who beat their time by say 5 minutes... If all the slots are filled then they shut down registration. So in order to really guarantee a slot, you would have to run MUCH faster than just a BQ time (or raise a lot of money for charity).

I like it that way. I think it makes Boston special. It gives marathoners something to strive for, something to work to acheive. It's not just random luck. You are either working hard to run and race fast, or you are working hard to raise a lot of money for a charity. There are, however, a lot of people who don't agree with that process. There were a lot of people on that group page that expressed a thought process completely opposite (basically anyone should get to run Boston). My thoughts put me in the minority (at least in relationship to the vocal people on that page). 

Training for me was not going as well as I wanted it to go. I had been battling low iron and switching thyroid meds around the time of my 70.3. Then, we got to go out to Colorado Springs in August/September for six weeks thanks to Dwayne's job. That was WONDERFUL but it also meant I was sort of starting from scratch with training since we'd be at altitude. I told my friend I wouldn't be able to keep up with her pace and that I would likely have to walk most of the distance. 

But then something wonderful happened. My training got solid at the end of that 6 weeks! I walk/ran 9.5 miles our final weekend there and then when we got back I did something I haven't done in like 6 years...I ran a solid 3.5 miles without walking!!!!

But...let's be clear, 9.5 miles of walk/running and 3.5 miles of solid running is NOT solid marathon training. But we got home about 2 weeks befor Boston Weekend. It was pretty much all I was going to get.

Let me just say if ANYONE ever asks me if they should try to complete a marathon with 9.5 miles as their longest run I will say no. At the same time, I've completed several marathons, 3 50Ks, 3 70.3s and 2 Ironmans. I do understand endurance events. And I do understand my body. I knew I could walk the 26.2 miles if I needed to and I knew I wasn't going to risk injury. So instead of backing out I set out to get my virtual medal on Saturday morning of Boston Weekend. (My friend had to back out of going for a number of reasons so it was just me and all the other virtual runners who were running the course on Saturday (I had a friend who came from North Carolina with a friend of hers but I figured they would be running much faster than I was going to be able to go so I didn't even try to stay with them).

The Boston course is point-to-point and pretty much downhill the whole way...except for the infamous "Newton Hills" that start about mile 19ish. Those hills culminate with "Heartbreak Hill". Even the downhill sections have little rollers along the way, but it's generally an easy downhill slope most of the way.

Just being out there was AMAZING! The people of Boston and the surrounding towns are unlike any I have experienced in big cities. They are warm and welcoming and just NICE. The race was celebrating it's 125th running!!! I think because of that people have embraced the race as part of their culture. Cars went out of their way to give runners room! People honked encouragement instead of irritation (you could tell because they would wave and smile or roll their windows down to cheer!).

The plan was that Dwayne would be my rolling aid station, leap frogging me along the way with water and Maurten gels. I starting getting nervous when I didn't see him at mile 2, then 3. But then about mile 4 I saw him! And then like clockwork about every 2-3 miles he was there! I saw maybe 100 other runners out there doing the same thing I was doing. And there were a few spectators out there watching their people, cheering us all on.

But, it never entered my mind that I was running "THE Boston Marathon"...I was running the Boston course...but not the actual marathon.

I was running MUCH stronger than I had any right to run. I finished MUCH stronger than I had any right to finish with a time of 5:47. That's my fastest marathon since having brain disease, on MUCH less training. I was depleted at the end but it was one of those moments that I was in shock at what I had just accomplished. 

But I didn't think for one second "I'm a Boston Marathoner"...I thought "I just ran 26.7 miles* on the Boston Marathon course and finished a virtual marathon. (When you run the actual course you get to run on the roads. As a person "just" running the course it was a longer distance between the start and finish lines-that shows the importance of running tangents!) I did immediately go buy a "celebration jacket" to celebrate what I had just accomplished but my intention was to have "Virtual Finisher" embroidered on it just so there was no confusion that I did not in fact run the actual Boston Marathon.

The following Monday Dwayne ran the actual race and, while he didn't meet his personal goal, he did well...and ended up spending about 90 minutes in medical afterward (depleted of electrolytes and a bit under-hydrated). He was a Boston Marathoner...I was not.

Following that amazing weekend there was a little "debate" on the FB group about this very sort of thing. People were calling themselves "Boston Marathoners" and wearing their jackets proudly. I (and a few other likeminded vocal individuals) countered that thought process. I basically said earlier in this post...Boston IS special. Boson finishers ARE special. We, as virtual finishers, aren't THAT. We are different. I made a post about it on the page, explaining why I was going to "alter" my jacket, expecting to be pounced on. 

Instead, an interesting thing happened. Some people agreed with me, but the ones who didn't (mostly) explained to me why they felt like I was wrong. To them Boston welcomed us in as part of the family. Moreover, they said, Boston is a spirit more than a race. Sure, in every previous year the only runners able to run the race were either fast or fundraisers, but this year the BAA opened it's doors and let in the "commoner". Me altering my jacket to specify "VIRTUAL FINISHER" was a way for me to segregate myself away from the "real" Boston finishers. To segregate myself was me saying I'm not good enough not them saying I wasn't welcome. 

I chewed on that for a while and then refocused on other things...life got busy and then I got Covid. I had a "mild" case but I was still in the bed for about a week. And then I had what the doctors think was either a kidney stone or an infection, or both. (I'm still dealing with this actually.)

Saturday I got a box from the BAA with my virtual medal and a post card... as I started to read the card I broke down into uncontrollable sobs...

Did you see that? 

"Dear Boston Marathoner"

I am part of the family. I'm not a step child. I'm not a third cousin. I'm not an interloper. In the eyes of the BAA, I'm a Boston Marathoner. They are the ones who get to decide; it's their race after all. Or is it? Maybe they recognize that this race is bigger than any entity. Boston signifies the spirit of the marathoner: perseverance, dedication, endurance...

I am a Boston Marathoner. I will celebrate by wearing my jacket with pride!

Thanks for stopping in and sticking around!